Adam's POV,
A month later ,
I can't believe how days go by so fast , a lot have actually happened , like I have started healing bit by bit , I've made progress, I stopped having dreams of my brother screaming at me , I guess I've started convincing myself that it wasn't all my fault .
So Julian was right after all, it makes me happy to know that my brother is still here with me , in spirit .
I've made a friend , Carl.. actually he's more of a brother to me , he forces me to go out which has been distracting me , they've made me have a habit of going in a club every friday, we now talk about everything and he also tells me his problems and I offer advice when I can .
They come over most of the time , he has a very superb Hotel, he was offering me a job , to be the director but I told him I'll think about it .
And there's my sweetheart , oh by the way , his sister wedded a week ago , I was invited so I went , it was great , Julian was mad because he wanted to plan her wedding but he was not in the company so...
And before that, I have good news , so three weeks ago , Julian and I decided that we want to marry each other but neither of us was in for a dream wedding and all the drama and attention so we've been processing our marriage certificate at the clerk's office. And I guess it's almost ready , so it's like we're married already .
We told his family and they never seem to have a problem with anything as long Julian's well being is guaranteed. They've been a great family to me , I like all of them .
Lately, I've been feeling happy even when some times everything that happened comes back at me , it's not like before when they were on me all the time , until I met Julian, that's when my mind started being diverse .
●●Another thing , Julian has been really weird lately , it's embarrassing to say and he'll probably kill me when he finds out that I told you guys but that's fine , am sure this is his his friend's doing 'Ryan' .
Anyway , he's not weird in a bad way,, just... There's this time when he asked me if I knew gay s*x existed, that question got me off guard.
I wondered why he would ask me like that, was it because he was waiting for me to do something about it and I never did,,, Well , I knew it existed, why would he think I don't know about it?!
Okay anyways , So he has been going extra miles in every make out we have , he would completely refuse to give up after we, you know.. cum... As if he's looking for something more .
It always takes all I have to stop myself from letting myself go, it takes me all I have to stop myself from... you know.. doing it to him.
Well , I know he wants to do it , but just because his friend told him, I know he has been telling him things but I want Julian to wanna do it because he feels like he wants it .
That is not the only reason why am not giving him what he wants though, am afraid that it might feel the opposite of what he expects, after all am a 26year old virgin , better him because he's at least experienced even if it's not with guys.
There are just many 'what ifs' in my head , hindering me from giving him what he wants...
Speaking of him, where did he g...
"Okay! Am tired of communicating with sign language because you don't seem to understand so am just gonna say it! I wanna do it!"
Speak of my love... he says walking in from the front door , where did he go without telling me anyway ? Maybe he didn't wanna wake me up , now days am so used to sleeping in the afternoons.
"Did you hear what I said?" he asks when I don't say anything back.
"No , what was that again?" I pretend.
"Forget it!" He throws the backpack he had on the couch walking towards the stairs. I hold his hand pulling him back . Seriously.. He's like this every time he goes out , he comes back with drama, but today he seems serious.
"C'mon, what is it baby?"
"Don't baby me right now when you know that am mad , let me ask you one question Adam and don't you dare lie to me! Am I that unattractive to you ?! Ho..."
"Wha..?" I cut him . This has gone too far now.
He cuts me too. "Let me finish! How comes you never have that desire to sleep me? We live under one roof , sleep in same bed , I've showed you so many times that I really want you, you know... that way! But you always brush me off! I know you know I want to but you always ignore it , so tell me... am I unattractive or you are not gay?"
"I.. wh.. n"
" Speak up Ad.."
"None of the above" I say.
"Oh , I see , maybe you are just that type of s*x before marriage is a sin ? Well good news... I went for our certificate and it was ready , I was given , it's in the back pack! Check it out, and there's more in the bag , what we'll need the day you'll feel like you are ready, even if it's years to come.."
What?! I never imagined it'll come this far. This is so embarrassing, now he thinks of me as a naive 26 year old! Well then baby, don't blame me of what's gonna happen because I think the thread just loosened.
○●
Warning! The scene ahead might be... you know.. but not that much of it_
○●
I capture his lips with mine unconsciously , walking him to the couch and on the way I take off his t shirt, and mine too , I kiss him on the neck , chest and lick his nipples which make him shudder , I must say.. I've really improved so much in this , haven't I?
I pull down his sweat pant and takes it off and so do I, I push him on the couch and he lies on his back , I take off his boxers , actually we've already seen each other totally necked , we've played all the games that could be played in bed by lovers except for real s*x .
Julian let's out a sharp and loud sigh when I kiss and lick down his thighs, I got to know his weakness so.. why not tease him a little bit . My erection is throbbing in my boxers and am not sure how long I can keep it in there .
I take of my boxers too and lie back on top of him. " You are wrong when you say am not attracted to you ? I really want you so bad all the time that I have to fight myself to not loose it , I just want you to be sure that you are ready to do it , so Do you really want this ? " I ask breathing heavily and barely letting out any voice .
" I want you " he answers whispering too, I could feel his heart pound against my chest and mine is no better.
I lift my upper body and sit on him still grinding us , I take the bag he came with which had dropped down by now , I open it and find the papers he had said but my interest is not there now , I deep my hand deeper and feel a bottle like , so I take it out , and again I deep my hand back and find a box of CDs.
" We don't have to use that if you don't want , and if you trust me . I know I slept around many times but I always made sure am safe , so if you trust me you can leave it because I real wanna feel you for you ." He says which evokes emotions in me , he wanna feel me and not some bladder or something.
" As you wish my love , I mean , even if you are sick won't it be better if we die together, I don't care Julian." I say opening the bottle of lube and apply on myself, and also on his anticipating pink pretty a*hole .
Slowly and bit by bit I let myself in , though it was a long journey I arrived after all , and though there were barriers in that journey it's totally worth struggling because all I could feel is pleasure rupturing in me after making it to the destination , and I could tell that Julian feels it too because of the s*xy sounds we both couldn't control.