Back home once again, I had a text waiting for me on my phone. Eileen had been working all day and apologized for not answering earlier. She was happy to take August under her wing, provided the girl help with the household tasks Eileen didn't like.
I replied, thanking her and telling her we'd be there tomorrow if she had time. I got no answer, she was probably asleep.
My hands were shaking again, not just with the excitement of what we'd accomplished. I wasn't doing too great but I wanted to try not to drink that night. After all, I'd had one that afternoon, and I wasn't alone at home. It was dangerous to leave August on her own, even for 15 minutes. One was never too careful.
I knew I'd be spending a shitty night but it was worth it. I could do it. I had to. It was time to get my shit together.
"August, you take the bed tonight. I'm gonna try something and won't sleep much, and I'd probably disturb you if you were on the couch. Besides you seemed to like my bed earlier", I said with a grin.
Jo got up and, with a wave and a stern look at me, left. She'd probably go back to the office to catch up on all she'd missed by helping us today. She was known to sleep there every now and then anyway. And she had to get a report from Liliane, if she hadn't already gone home. So much work.
I magicked August and I some dinner, as the girl's stomach was starting to grumble. We'd skipped lunch.
As we ate, August told me more about her mother, and her dreams for the future. She told me she wanted to give her baby sibling a better life than the one she'd had, so she was gonna work super hard and become the best mechanic and pay for their studies when they'd grow up. That's when I realized she was barely more than a kid, after all.
It struck me like a shovel to the face. I never gave it much thought before, but these were children that were entrusted to me. Kids who counted on me for their protection and their happiness and their future. I was even more glad than usual for my methods, which consisted of barely meddling except for emergencies. It also made me value my job more. I could actually do something to help those kids live a happy, fulfilled life. That was good.
On those thoughts we finished eating and went to sleep. I'd need to get up early in the morning to catch Eileen on the phone before she went to either work or study. I set up an alarm and fell asleep.
The ring of my phone woke me up before the alarm could. It was Eileen. "'llo. Gimme a sec. Coffee."
I made myself coffee while turning the alarm off. I didn't need that anymore. As soon as I took the first sip, I felt better enough to talk. "Okay I'm here what's up?"
"Good. I don't have much time, job starts in half an hour. Explain to me what you did and what you need me to do regarding the girl you talked about yesterday."
I gave her a quick recap of the evening's work and the girl's situation. "So she needs somewhere to stay, somewhere neither her father nor her ex will find her. And she can't stay at my place because I have a little issue I need to fix, and I have to work from home anyway, which I can't do with someone here. So. Can she stay at yours for a while? In the meantime we're reaching out to Gianni to help with the girl's studies and her lodging situation."
She took her time answering, probably digesting all these informations. I'd tried to make it quick but it still was a lot. "You'll have to give me more details next time. But yeah of course she can come to mine's. Tonight? 8.30pm? Bring dinner, I'm broke."
I agreed and the line went dead. That was a good start to the day. I opened the window and lit a cigarette while finishing my coffee.
Next I needed to talk to Liliane about Erwan. I tried to call, but no answer. Probably too early. I grabbed my laptop and opened it. Time to catch up on the emails and see if anyone had tried to contact me.
I was barely started on the second email when August entered the kitchen. She went straight to the cupboard where she had stored the cereal the day before, grabbed the box, took the milk from the fridge, and sat down at the table. I didn't even try to talk to her. She had her breakfast in silence while I went through some more work. No news of Laura, but an email from Georges.
He was telling me how glad he was of the opportunity to work in the field and help raise the maybe magical toddler. He assured me he would do his best and would update me regularly. I answered with my thanks. He sounded reliable and genuine.
That's when August spoke. "Yo." She said. "Hello," I answered. "Slept well?" "Yup. Look, I know you have shit to deal with, I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. I'll be out of your way now."
I stopped her immediately. "You're gonna stay with Eileen, love. She has space for you and has agreed to it. We still need to keep an eye on you, and to set things up for your future. We both know you can't go back to your house, or your school. I'm not letting you out on your own out there."
She lowered her head. "I don't want your pity, Tina." Where did that come from? "Pity? I think you don't understand me. You're not just a case, August. You're someone I watched grow up and become a fantastic girl. I care for you. It's not pity."
I didn't have the words to properly express myself, but these would have to do.
She was sobbing. Shit. What the hell had I done now? "What's wrong, love?" She kept on sobbing and didn't answer me. So I did the only thing I could think of and hugged her.
I have to say it surprised the both of us. I was very much not a hugger, and neither was she. But in that precise moment, I figured that's what she needed. I wasn't her mother, I wasn't her friend, but I was her fairy godmother and I'd promised to look after her. So that's what I'd do. I held her for a while, until she moved away.
An awkward silence fell over us. I offered her some tissues and busied myself making more coffee to hide the awkwardness.
"So Eileen huh? What's she like?" She asked after wiping her face and blowing her nose.
I smiled. "Oh you'll like her I think. She's a kind hearted strong willed nerd, like you. Except her thing is quantum physics and yours is cars. She works 2 jobs to pay for her studies and her apartment. She's probably gonna get married in the coming months if all goes well. And she's a real life princess."
August didn't answer. She reached for the box of cereal again and took a second helping. She seemed lost in thought.
Suddenly she lifted her head and spoke. "What if we don't like each other, Tina?" That gave me pause. In my haste to find a solution I didn't consider that option. "Well then I guess you'll come back here for a while" was all I could say. I had no other idea. We'd see if we got there.
"But honestly I think it will go fine. You won't see much of each other as she is always at work or studying anyway. And once she's married, you can go live in the castle or whatever they call that place and have your own room. I'll come visit."
I smiled at her and left it at that. We'd find a solution if needed but I really believed the girls would be okay. Me, on the other hand…
I was not in the best of shapes. I slept very badly, as expected. Cold sweats and shivers. Nightmares. Clammy hands, hurting hair, everything. And despite the coffee, it wasn't getting any better. I tried to hide it, but my shaky hands gave it away.
"Tina? Are you okay?" Shit. What was I supposed to say? "Yeah yeah I'm fine, don't worry love. It'll pass."
And it would. In a few days of complete agony. I lit up a smoke even though August wasn't done with her breakfast, and tried to deep breathe. I had to stop shaking. I had to get back to work. I had to stop being a drunk, and fast.
August didn't say a thing about the cigarette, she just opened the window wider. I was glad she didn't tell me to stop, because I really needed this one.
My mind was reeling. Too many things could go wrong because of my stupid addiction. I couldn't do my job right. How could I protect anyone when I was in such a state, or worse? Or when I was drunk out of my wits? No, no that wouldn't do. I couldn't keep going like this. I needed to lock myself up in this room for a week and not drink a drop of alcohol.
That's why August needed to go somewhere else. Too many people could find my address and I wouldn't be able to protect her. And besides, she wasn't supposed to see me like that.
Nobody was.
My smoke was burning my fingers, bringing me out of my thoughts. August was staring at the ashes that had fallen in my coffee cup without me realizing. The hand holding what was left of the cigarette was still shaking. I let it go in the ashtray.
I grabbed my coffee mug and silently emptied it in the sink, then washed it. I needed another one. And some food. I magicked myself a couple of croissants, and returned to the kitchen.
"Okay here's the thing, girl. I'm in no state to do anything properly. What happened yesterday was mostly thanks to Josephine. I'm a mess. I mean a whole ass mess. I need to fix my shit before I can even think of helping anyone else, and I've been doing everything backwards. So, here's what will happen. After breakfast I'll go get drunk. Because I need it. Then we'll have a day, and tonight we meet Eileen at her place, where you'll stay for the foreseeable future. I'll fix my shit then come back to you. Yes?"
Head down, she nodded. I dipped a croissant in my coffee and ate in silence. She was too young to bear what I was going through. It was enough she'd seen me weak, she didn't need to see me half dead.