I woke up in a white expanse; nothing but white covered my vision. I know I died, but isn't this a bit too cliché? A lot of fanfics start like this, and then they meet a god or something. Anyway, I honestly thought I would be seeing hellfire the moment I closed my eyes, but I guess not, I thought, remembering my life.
I was an average guy, with the same view of the world that everyone has. But unlike ninety percent of the world, I sometimes acted on those views, and society didn't take kindly to that, especially my view on equality "Every human is equal." Simple, right?
Let me give you an example of that view. While I was slacking off after finishing my work and taking a smoke break, my coworker Karen came up to me and asked for my help very nicely.
"Get your ass up and help us, Dan. I need to leave early today, I have a party tonight. We need to—"
"Fuck off Bitch, I'm not in a hurry and I already finished my work," I cut her off.
Yeah, I was being an asshole, but seriously, don't you hate it when you're done with your work for the day and more gets dumped on you?
Karen was an extreme feminist, always complaining about the pay gap and ranting about how she hated men. She was the type of coworker who would never ask a guy for help and hated it when her fellow female coworkers did. But I guess she put her pride aside today.
*SLAP*"What your mouth asshole, UGGH" she slapped me and started to storm off, now it didn't hurt, probably wasn't going to leave a mark for more than a minute but something just snapped, something inside of me.
I was already in a bad mood, so I wasn't going to let that slide. I did what I'd always wanted to do, I was going to show her and treat her the way she wanted to be treated. She wanted equality?
"HEY, KAREN!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. She flinched slightly at the tone of my voice. As she turned towards me, I quickly stood up, threw my arm back as far as I could, rotated my hips, held the position for a second to load up, and just as she fully turned to face me…
*Smack*
She went flying, but hey, I hadn't felt that good in a minute. It was like a ton of weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt lighter. Someone did end up recording the whole incident, though, and she pressed charges. When I faced the judge, I was asked why I did what I did, and I simply answered
"I believe in equality, Your Honor."
Was it a stupid answer? Yes. But did I regret speaking my mind? Also yes. Sigh… I didn't even go viral.
I had to do some time in prison but I never did learn my lesson tho because a couple years later, the next one that got smacked happened to be a cop for trying to g check me, I ended up getting shot and bled out on the pavement and that's how my story ended, average right?
"Sigh I can't believe I'm going to hea—hmm, what is that?" I squinted, trying to make out the dot in the distance. Is that a person? I couldn't really tell, so I started walking towards it.
As I got closer, the dot gradually took the shape of a human. I noticed he was sitting on a black throne, but what really caught my attention was that he was completely white like the Man God from Mushoku Tensei.
"Yo, Mr. White!" I called out when I was a few meters away. The guy turned toward me with a wide smile on his face, which quickly faded into a frown.
"Jesse," he said, his voice deep and serious.
Now, my name isn't Jesse, it's Dan.
"Huh, so gods do watch TV?" I replied, picking up on his obvious joke, though I couldn't help wondering how I was so calm in the presence of what could only be a higher being.
"Yes, we do," the being replied. "And the reason you're not panicking, Dan, is because in this space, I've dialed down all your emotions. It annoys me when your kind gets snot all over the floor." He paused for a moment, then flashed a cheery smile. "But enough of that. Let's get started with your reincarnation."
"What? Reincarnation? Aren't you going to judge me and send me to heaven or hell?" I asked the being. I mean, I'm not complaining, but I do have some questions.
"Nope, hell is for people with negative karma or bad deeds, and heaven is for those with thousands of karma points, which they can choose to use to enter heaven," he says. I mean, it makes sense, but it sounds way too simple, I think to myself. He continues, "On the other hand, people who aren't evil but don't have enough karma points get to spin the Wheel of Fate and reincarnate in another world."
"But you!" he exclaims, pointing dramatically at me. "You've reincarnated so many times without ever ending up in either heaven or hell that you've ended up back on your original world! That's never happened before! C'mon, the only thing you need to do to get to heaven is ten thousand karma points or perform ten good deeds from the bottom of your heart, and bam, HEAVEN!" He yells, exasperated, breathing heavily as if he's about to lose it.
"Uh, so where am I being reincarnated next?" I ask, trying to sound casual, though I'm starting to panic. Even with my emotions dulled, I don't want him to get more annoyed and decide to just end me right here, though why is he getting annoyed anyway?
He sighed and pulled out a pair of glasses, a clipboard, and a pen. "You've reincarnated a total of 329 times, It's my job to try to send as many souls to heaven as possible, so I'm going to give you a freebie." He looks up at me after checking whatever was on his clipboard, "I'll send you to another world with your memories intact, and I'll also let you spin the wheel so you can reincarnate as a 'canon characters.' And for the love of me just try to do at least five good deeds this time! So I can send u on your way to heaven" He exhales loudly
"Sure man, don't worry I got this! So which world am I going to reincarnate to?" I repeated.
"Here, spin the wheel and see what world you land on," he said, materializing a big wheel with a ton of names on it out of thin air. Being a good little soul, I walked up to the wheel, ready to spin it.
Oh, nah. Twilight? Teen Wolf? Fuck that. I also saw different anime names, like My Hero Academia. Even though it wasn't from the bottom of my heart, if I were a hero and saved a bunch of people, that would count as a good deed, right? I would make it to heaven, right?
I turned around, intending to ask Mr. White.
"Yes, you would end up in heaven," he replied, "but the number of people you'd need to save is a lot. Anyway, enough of that. Hurry up and spin the wheel. We don't have all day."
I wanted to tell him that I'm dead, so I've got all the time in the world, but decided against it. Plus, he probably read my mind.
"Alright, let's do this," I said, psyching myself up. I grabbed the wheel and started spinning it. As it spun, I chanted, "Dragon Ball! Dragon Ball! Dragon Ball!" I mean, come on, they deal with so many threats. I wouldn't have to do anything too genuine, I could just save the Earth and bam, instant heaven. Plus, if I die, I can just come back with the Dragon Balls.
But as luck would have it, it stopped on One Piece. It's not that bad of a choice, but it's going to be a lot harder since I'm not trying to be a Marine or a Revolutionary. I'm obviously going to be a pirate since it's cooler. I felt a glare at the back of my head, but when I turned around, it was just Mr. White, smiling at me sweetly. What was that? Early signs of Observation Haki?
"Well, I guess it's time to spin and see who you're reincarnating as," he said. Instead of letting me spin it, he decided to do it himself. I guess he's in a hurry, but like before, I started chanting.
"Luffy! Luffy! Luffy!" Luffy's the obvious choice. Even if I just follow canon, I'll save so many people, there's no way I won't end up in heaven. But once again, luck was not on my side because the wheel landed on Vinsmoke Sanji.
"Oh nah, I'm fucked." I'm not arrogant enough to think I can compete against emotionless, metal-skinned child soldiers, and I'm definitely not trying to get locked up either. "Umm, Mr. White, is there a way I can skip those early years and just transmigrate into Sanji's body when he's older?" I asked, looking at this benevolent being I worship and love from the bottom of my heart.
"Stop the flattery. It will get you everywhere—cough—I mean nowhere. But it's possible, with one condition. What age would you like to start from?" The magnificent being, Mr. White, of course, wouldn't let me suffer.
But at what age did Sanji start working with Zeff? Because I'm not trying to starve, either, but I do want to learn Sanji's fighting style—it looks cool. Sanji's fighting style was always my favorite, even though I didn't like his simping. He also got forgotten by the author after the time skip. I didn't even see him until Punk Hazard, but I digress.
I'm going to have to pick the right age, just after he gets saved from starvation, so I still have plenty of time to train.
Sanji left home when he was about 7, spent 2 years on a random ship as a cook, and then almost starved to death. So, he should already be working with Zeff by the time he's 10. I don't want to waste too much time. I'll only have 9 years to train before Luffy comes to invite me to join his crew.
"Oh, I almost forgot to mention," the benevolent being begins, flashing a smile that's just a little too wide for my comfort. "The condition for you to transmigrate into an older Sanji is that you won't be able to join the Straw Hats," the not so benevolent being finishes
"Oh nahh, that changes all my plans of following canon," I thought, but it's not that bad. Building my own crew sounds like a lot of fun.
"Alright, I'm ready, Mr. White. I want to start at age 10," I said with conviction. There's no use overthinking it, Oh, how I would come to regret this decision in the very near future.