Jonathan Harker entered the home of John Brody. He shook hands with Brody's wife, who was amazed by his elegance, beard, and soft skin on his hands.
She was turned on.
They sat on the couch, with Brody's wife near Harker, while John was in front of him. "You know, I'm the best policeman this town has ever had. I've captured so many thieves, villains, crooks, and rapists. I put them all in jail. I've solved every mystery. Sherlock Holmes ain't got shit on me!" John Brody said.
"Would you make us a cup of coffee?" his wife asked. He glared at her but obeyed. She turned smiling towards Harker and said, "Oh, please tell me what you do." He placed his hand on her, "Miss, I'll be frank. Your husband seems a total bore."
"Oh, you have no idea."
"He's a liar, and a bad one at that," he said, eyeing her with a predatory smile. She was melting. "Oh yes, he is no man. He doesn't even have chest hair."
"Oh?" said Harker, and he unbuttoned his shirt, showing his thick, golden, and soft chest hair.
"May I?"
"Certainly," she put her hands on it. She stroked the hair, her fingers tangled by the gold. "Miss Brody, if your husband is anything like what I think he is, then it will take him till midnight to make that coffee, and it will result in him burning the house down," she laughed, and he slammed his lips onto hers. She stroked his chest hair harder, and he placed his hand on her thigh, rubbing it. He licked her teeth. She sucked his tongue.
"Hey, Harker, do you want sugar or b-WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY WIFE!?"
They stopped. Harker turned to Brody and said casually, "keeping her company."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He charged at him, grabbing his throat with his dirty hands, strangling Harker. Miss Brody screamed in horror. Brody gritted his teeth, his eyes bulging, his face sweating. He pressed his body against Harker, strangling him with all his might. Squeezing his throat as if it were a rubber tire.
His wife went out the door and said, "I'M LEAVING YOU AND NEVER COMING BACK!"
Brody let go of Harker and went to the door, "Don't you dare take my car!"
She took his car.
"WHY DON'T YOU WALK ON YOUR PAMPERED FEET!"
She drove at full speed into town, colliding with another car. Both cars blew up. She and the judge died.
***
The whole town turned up for the funeral, as they had nothing better to do. Most showed up in shorts and flip flops. The sailor was drinking beer and roaming around through the crowd, grabbing people's pockets. John Brody wanted this to end - he was finally going to have full access to her panties, she had held him out of it for so long. Jonathan Harker offered Brody double the money to accompany him. Brody was happy and Harker grew on him, as since he appeared his life kept getting better.
They were on an old wooden boat. John Brody sat on his chair, sunbathing and refusing to do any work. The drunken sailor was down in the cabin drinking. Jonathan Harker was nowhere to be seen, but Brody couldn't care less.
The night was approaching. The drunken sailor had drunk every bit of alcohol. The door opened softly, and he pulled his head up to see Jonathan Harker, who had a serious expression on his face. Harker slowly walked towards the sailor and sat opposite him.