Chapter 5: About EH Panicking
It had been easy to get a hold of Lin and take off into the skies. Read: a whole meter off the ground. Kai had never been happier in his entire life. He had wanted the flight to never end.
He got his wish.
Now Lin was flapping his pretty pink wings and flying higher and higher. The gnome could remember that one time he had mounted the community's dragon and taken off in the dead of night as a prank.
The creature had been docile and had not seemed to care that there was someone who was about 5 kg of weight trying to stir it that way and that.
Kai did not want to end up so high up that he'd be burned by the sun! Not that Lin could have made it possible, even if he had tried.
For, even as those bad at math could tell you, if it had taken to reach one meter off the ground an entire five hours, then there was no way the two would survive long enough to go into space.
The flying pig sneezed, oinked, and then shook its head. No, it needed to gather good Karma points. This time, it would show mercy.
"Look, the abandoned shopping mall!" Kai yelled, pointing at the graffiti covered ruin of lost hopes, dreams, and wallets.
"Kai, if I die, I will rise myself from the dead just so I can eat your brain!" Lin hissed. He was tired, his feet were sore, and he was pretty sure that Kai had left a permanent print in his leather pants. That had been real dragon leather, darn it!
"We won't die! We can try something!" Kai had always been able to play with the laws of the universe. It was not only something he had to do to survive as an adventurer, but what he did as a hobby.
Most time it was a case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes." But now and again, Kai actually got what he wanted!
"What? And quit gripping my leg like that! I can barely feel it!" Lin yelled, for he was at the end of his strength. The meal and the chocolate were simply not enough to satisfy his hunger anymore. Not after he had been flying for the past three hours!
Or so he thought. Lin had a severe condition which made it so that he felt time moving faster.
The name of the condition?
Immortality…
"I bet that you can't land!" Kai told him with a smug smirk on his lips. Lin snorted, shaking his head.
"Am I supposed to argue something which is a known fact? I told you: my wings are only for decoration! They are a mating attribute, and if you hadn't provoked the flying ham…"
The flying pig snorted. Flying ham? He who takes out the knife should die from it.
As the two partners dropped from a meter high, which for them might as well have been an entire twenty meters, the flying pig allowed itself to oink in triumph.
Only to crash against a tree, its head spinning with stars and planets.
Karma saw all, Karma felt all, Karma punished all.
Long may it reign.
0000
Kai did not know why he was the one who had to carry them to the shopping mall, as Lin was taller and could have done it, seeing as Kai had broken the fall for him, but he knew that questioning his lover's wishes at this point of time might lead him to simply get dumped on the side of the road.
"What is the deal with the flying pig," Lin finally asked. He was sure that the animal had something to do with their misadventures, but he could not place his finger on what.
Kai shrugged.
"I don't know. Maybe some mage tried to score a date who had won Miss Universe or something?" It was as good as a guess as any, Kai reasoned with himself. Even though the fact that he had heard it said out loud made him doubt in his own words.
"Not funny," Lin retorted. Kai had proven a good enough cushion for him and apart from his foot, which Kai had been gripping for the better part of the day.
If Lin had to be perfectly honest, he was comfortable and did not want to get off his mount.
"It might be the truth. Wait! If we doubt it, some mage will get married to Miss Universe!"
Lin snorted. The last Miss Universe was from two planets over and ate human flesh. He was sure that the hydra might even thank them.
"Forget about the pig, what are we going to do once we find the hamster spawning machine? Have you dealt with something like that before?"
Kai sighed. No, he had not. As an adventurer, however, there was just one answer to things that thought themselves indestructible.
"We smash it," read: famous last words of a gnome.
And so, little by little, the shopping mall ended up becoming bigger and bigger. Lin snorted when he saw the various graffiti, and the half-torn posters of this politician or that one.
He honestly did not know why someone would bother to place them here. He doubted that someone came to this wreck of a building to…
"Oooom, Oooom."
Crap, Lin thought to himself, not these people!
As Kai carried him to the praying people, Lin wanted to hide inside the ruin of the shopping mall and just let it collapse on top of him.
"A fairy!" One woman yelled, pointing at Lin.
"I am a sentient being, and I deserve to be treated as such!" Lin yelled, even though he knew that it was pointless.
"Noble fairy, you must save your species from extinction!" Another woman said. The very picture of a fit fitness addict.
There was one thing about the fairies which few people knew. Lin was not the only person who wanted them back. No.
For the dust which collected on a fairy's wings was the best probiotic in existence. It even put yogurt to shame, no matter what the horse lords claimed, as they chewed their daily rations of dried horse meat.
To these people, Lin was medicine.
To Lin these people were cannon fodder.
It was a match made in Hell.
The flying pig managed to shake its head at that. Well, if the fairy died, it died.
As soon as the pig thought that, it crashed into another tree…