Going to war was a noble calling, some might say. Well, these people were not the people who would actually be fighting in said war, Kai knew with certainty.
There was nothing more noble than to save lives, the gnome also knew. But to be honest, trying to attack a 3,000 strong goblin fortress was not saving lives.
It was putting your neck out for a lost cause.
Lin, however, was practically bouncing on his feet. Kai could not explain to himself why the fairy was rising skeletons of hapless hamsters, but the wind elemental was stocking the flames of the fairy's enthusiasm.
They had to go to war, Kai also knew. Not because they couldn't outrun the wasps, Battlepaws was faster than wind when it came to running away, but because Lin needed to sacrifice the goblins to Karma, to get his brethren back.
What Kai could not understand was what the ostriches had to do with the whole deal.
"These noble mounts will lead us to victory!" The wasp that had opened the door to the nest told them. "There is no nobler a beast, no braver mount!"
Kai looked at Battlepaws, then back at the giant bird.
"And… how are we supposed to climb on top of this thing?" The nearest ostrich lowered its head, its beak on a course to break skulls.
Kai jumped to the side, hastily mounting Battlepaws in the process. The kitten roared; the ostrich narrowed its eyes.
"Hey, be careful what you say around them! They used to be called terror birds, once," Kai could imagine it. As the ostrich pecked a stick, and it split, the gnome had Battlepaws moving closer to Lin.
They were finally getting along. It would be a shame if the marriage got called off.
"You just climb on top of Edge, and then you ride it into battle!" The wasp demonstrated by climbing on his own mount.
Kai patted Battlepaws on the back.
"I'm good, thanks. Lin, there is space for you on Battlepaws!"
If Kai had ever nurtured a hope in his heart that he could get away from this war, it died as Lin flew on top of an ostrich and gripped the reins.
A war horn blasted; the wasps flew out of the nest.
The time for justice had come.
0000
"And I am telling you, we need to go north from the small spring near the purple frogs!" The Queen Wasp snapped at the wasp general who was trying to explain to her that yes, they were lost.
The poor wasp had never even heard about purple frogs in the forest. He knew that should he not convince the Queen, the war could go on forever.
Because they were moving towards the desert…
"My Queen, please, we just need to hike up this goat trail, and we are there," the general said, pretty much ready to start a mutiny just to get the war back on track.
"Do you doubt me?" The Queen narrowed her eyes. It was time to get something things out in the open. "I know we are all tired."
They were not, for the march to the goblin tribe had lasted no more than an hour.
"And I know that you fear the carnage to come."
The general did not. He had precious few days left to live, and he needed to establish his legacy.
"Blood must be spilled, and that is never a good thing, never a just thing!"
The general began counting to 100 in his mind, doing some breathing exercises. He was not paid enough for this crap.
"But the gnome is right! We must slay the goblins and restore peace and prosperity to the realm!"
The wasp general considered the possibility of just offing the Queen. He started to count to 1,000.
"And I, as your Queen, can assure you that I will not rest until the goblins are no more!"
"Yeah, but you won't be fighting now, will you?" A wasp who had enough snapped. "No, we are going to die! Not you!"
The Queen blinked. She had dreamed her entire life of giving a motivational speech. Had even written a couple, this one included, and memorized them until they had become a part of her.
Why were the wasps acting like this now?
"She is your Queen!" Of all the people the Queen expected to come to her rescue, the necromancer fairy was not one of them. "If she dies, who is going to lead you in the future? Yes, your nests are formidable and hard to take, but the goblins are evil creatures. If they are not slain, then there will never be peace for any of you!"
"I have just 2 days to live! I haven't even started on my bucket list for today!" An elderly wasp said, eyes blazing. He was already 20 days old and could feel the Grim Reaper's bony fingers on his shoulder.
"Just two days, and what do you want to do? Abandon the young of the nest?" The Queen snapped, not liking where the conversation was going.
"I will fight if you fight!" The same wasps yelled.
Soon, a chant started. A chant which got the attention of the goblins.
They had to prepare, for they knew how ferocious the wasps were.
And so, while the wasps argued, Lin playing the Queen Wasp's advocate, the goblins began to dug trenches and to reinforce their gates.
The wind element looked at Kai, who nodded. It was for the best if the problem got resolved without the wasps fighting. For if Kai, through the wind elemental, managed to conquer the goblins, then he could also keep the loot!
The wind elemental smirked; its stomach growled.
The goblins were not ready to just give up, however. For they had a… mud elemental.
The flying pig was trying to run faster, but the sand was shifting. The wild wind elemental was fast; the pig could not fly away.
As it closed its eyes, sitting down, it heard music.
The sand demons were celebrating something! The flying pig oinked and buried itself under the dunes.
Letting the sand demons fillet the wind elemental.
A cruel fate, but better he than the flying pig.
Karma saw, Karma did not approve.
But the flying pig could not muster enough willpower to care. It was hot, dirty, and hungry.
The sun set as the wind elemental ate the sand demons. The flying pig said a prayer to the Wheat God, for it loved pasta, and it felt that it was time for new management…