It's a cliche, but I hate myself.

Why? Because I'm a weirdo. I have such a strong sex drive that I almost always play with my genitals, masturbate whenever I'm alone.

I want to tell my friends, ask for their opinions. They always talk about vulgar things, but how will they react? Will anyone still want to be friends with a weirdo?

People say that masturbation also damages the brain, makes you thin, and so on. Aren't I basically hurting myself?

I'm a sinner.

Because of that, I want to stop.

I want to be normal, like other men.

But I can't.

I always think about dirty things, my phone is full of them.

Ugh, I hate this.

I hate how dirty I am.

—

The sun's rays aren't really hot yet, the atmosphere is still cool and fresh, a beautiful morning. A group of male students are sitting in front of the classroom, waiting for their teacher to arrive.

"Ouh, look at that, her butt must be an 8/10!"

"Bah, your eyes are not right! That's definitely a 5!"

"I don't want to hear it from someone with a nape fetish!"

"By the way, have you guys heard? Andi has a girlfriend now!"

"That person? Who would want her?" Deni asked with a laugh.

"Hey, at least her face is better than yours!"

They chatted casually while enjoying snacks that definitely wouldn't fill their stomachs.

"Hey, boys, don't just sit around, come help clean up!"

"Well, you know what Mr. Heri's personality is like!"

Several female students who were cleaning up in the classroom called out, but the boys didn't move.

"Ah, lazy. You guys can do it yourself, right?"

"More importantly.." a student took out his cellphone and opened the camera, "Yui, say Cheese!"

"Huh?" Yui, who was trying to clean the area above the blackboard, was shocked.

"Woahh, look at this! This dent is definitely a 10!"

"HEY PERVERT, ERASE THAT!" Yui threw the eraser at the student who took the picture.

"Not until I finish using it!" the student burst out laughing.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN USING IT?!" Yui's face turned red with anger and embarrassment. As a third-year high school teenager, she obviously knew quite a bit.

"Oh~ I'm afraid you won't be able to stand it~"

They laughed, except for Yui of course.

"Hey, Mr. Heri is walking over here!"

"Come on in, come on in, or the old man will nag again!"

"Ah, I'm going to the bathroom for a bit," Deni ran in the other direction from his friends.

"Excuse me sir, I'll go to the bathroom for a bit."

"You're already going to the bathroom in the morning, what did you eat yesterday?" the math teacher snorted.

Deni could only smile stiffly and go to the bathroom.

Once inside, he went straight to an empty stall, locked it and immediately opened his pants, revealing his erect genitals.

"Haah, haah.." Deni's breath was hot, "Yui is indeed sexy, but," he opened the collection on his cellphone, "Compared to Moonkuu, she's nothing."

A moment later, Deni masturbated accompanied by the sound of moans from the cellphone.

It didn't take long, he groaned and finished.

"Hooh, haah.." panting, he put away his cellphone and leaned back.

A moment later however, he cried.

His tears flowed and Deni began to sob.

"shit… what did I do actually..? Masturbating in the morning in the school toilet..? Damn, damn!"

Deni cried for a few minutes before he could calm down. Taking a deep breath, he was about to clean himself when suddenly—

"Are you okay?"

A voice greeted him from the cubicle next to him.

Instantly, Deni paled. He felt like he had fallen into a frozen well.

"W-who?"

"Don't mind me, just finish your business," the voice said.

"…"

It's over. His normal life is over now. Whoever is in the cubicle next to him will definitely spread this incident. By tomorrow, Deni will definitely lose everything, his self-esteem, his friends.

At such an idea, Deni became desperate.

"…hey, is it weird to masturbate?" he asked blankly.

The answer came almost immediately, "Not really, I think it's normal."

"Haha, normal…" Deni felt that everything was over and didn't care anymore, so he started rambling while shedding tears, "You know, I've been playing with this thing for a long time. I know I'm weird, but I can't talk about this with anyone. Besides, this is definitely not normal, right?"

"Masturbation is not something to be ashamed of. It's a personal need for each individual, so yeah, it would be better if you do it in a private place like now. Besides, you're not harming anyone with it."

"Haha…" Deni laughed blankly, "But I'm harming myself, aren't I?"

"Medicine can be poison if we take it in too large a dose," the voice from the side continued, "if you do it too often, then yes, it will only harm yourself."

"I already know that it feels good when I play down there, but ejaculation is a new thing for me you know," Deni looked at his dirty genitals, his tears fell.

"My elementary school science teacher explained that semen is the source of life, something very precious. One drop of semen can contain millions of potential babies… and, I throw them away, killing them every time I masturbate… you know, my family is always serious about our teachings, and letting yourself get carried away by sexual pleasure is one of the greatest sins to avoid. At first, I didn't know why. But now I think I understand the reason." Deni sobbed, "Aren't I a murderer?"

"I'm disgusted with myself who always thinks about dirty things and every time I remember our teachings, I will be very sinful and ashamed of myself…" Deni suppressed his trembling voice, "Maybe this is fate, no, punishment. Yes, God must be punishing you now…"

A voice from the side responded shortly after, "Hey, what do you see around you?"

"Sob, sob.. the wall.."

"You know that this bathroom is close to the park, can you see it? The park?"

"Of course not, I'm inside the room! Do you think I have magical vision?!" Deni replied in annoyance.

"Then why don't you go out to see it?"

"Because I—"

The voice interrupted, "Busy playing with your genitals?"

"…"

"Haha, the people who taught you about those prohibitions, were adults, right? Why do you think they strictly forbid children to stay away from sexual things?"

"I don't know.." Deni mumbled.

"Because they've been through it and had enough of it," the voice continued, "but how can humans stay away from pleasure? What you feel is normal, there's nothing wrong with you. You're normal."

Deni stopped crying, and listened.

"Look around you again, what can you see?"

"The wall…"

"Haven't you been in there too long?"

Deni, "…"

"Unlock yourself, go outside, look at the garden that was previously blocked by the wall. You can go back inside, it's okay," the voice paused for a moment, "what you feel is normal, but it's not good to always be driven by lust. You can't make it your god. Control it."

Deni was silent, "Go outside…"

"Well, there are many things you can see besides the bathroom walls."

"Hey, do you masturbate too?"

The voice answered without shame, "Well, I have my own needs after all."

"Is that so…"

"Don't ever think that you're the only one, in fact everyone has the same problem at some point in their life," the voice was silent for a moment, "okay, then I'll go first."

"Hey, what's your name?" Deni asked, but there was no answer.

He wanted to go outside at least to take a look, but the situation was still wet and sticky. In the end he could only give up and lean back, his conversation with the stranger earlier had left a deep impression. After all, this was his first time discussing this with someone else.

"Go outside… look at something other than the walls…"

Deni didn't realize that the bathroom door was opened and a girl with glasses came out while eating candy, leaving him alone there.

—

I don't think I'm really that weird.

Well, I'm weird, but at least there are more weirdos out there. It's a bit hypocritical, but it makes me feel better.

I deleted my collection (some were too valuable so I kept them), and even stopped being an online porn dealer. This decision made my online group members angry, but I had to get out of the "bathroom".

Speaking of the bathroom... I really wonder who it was yesterday. Plus, the voice sounded feminine, although there's no way that could be real.

Anyway, my plan now is simpler; I just wanna touch some grass.