I'm an introvert stupid person, I have 18 years and I m playing games and watching anime on my laptop everyday.
I was so bored that I was starting to watch slots videos on YouTube every day, I was staying late at night on my phone just to watch rich people getting richer...
Later on that on that day, I was playing slots with the hope that I'm going to get rich because I have my dreams.
So 3 hours goes so fast and i make a little bit of good money, I was still betting on games
And I decide that it was some good profit so i gotta stop playing slots.
Later on that day I did the process where I withdraw my cash in my bank account.
So the next day I'm the overthinker person so I decided to play slots for one more time with the hope that I'm getting big cash today for my dreams, but It wasn't like that, I was betting always getting good money and when I had more money than first time to play slots I started betting on big hands, but It didn't turn like the way I was thinking . Later,I lost all money I was not angry and not depressed, I was feeling no emotion.
I have so many dreams but my dreams can't be real and can't be realized by a kind of a person like me, I would want to become a Samurai and protect innocent people who can't protect themselves from evil people(that's just in my imagination because I can't even protect myself from my classmates who are always bullying me, I can't even stand for myself in front of bad people).
Another dream it would be to live in Japan but this comes with responsibility,financial statement,and studying the culture and language, I have like 1000 but I don't have enough to live there.
Not just that but I can't even focus on studying languages, my school assignment and even in class I'm trying so hard to focus but I don't understand a thing the teachers say, even when my friends trying to have a conversation I'm not so smart and I'm giving bad responses.
I eventually want to learn important school subjects for the final exam of my life maths,geography, and the language of my country.
I wish I was a normal person being, I wish I was a respectful person to my parents to my brother's, to my friends.
I wish I can go back in time to learn how to defend myself in the society, and to learn the meaning of live.
I wanted to end my life for many times, I feel like I'm not accepted in the society, I'm just a trash can in world...
I'm not that smart as hard working ppl or gifted ppl.
Maybe I will continue this story, but I don't feel like anyone who readed this story will continue on reading my next story.
Love yourself more than others, don't overthink like me because it's not good it will kill you mentally...