"Does she love you the way I love you?"
"Ja-Jane?"
"Does she, William?"
I saw the most heartbreaking scene in front of my eyes as I watched him look at me as if I am a monster that needs to be locked up---probably even needs to be put inside of an asylum.
"I-I've loved you Jane, I really d-did..." he said while at the same time cradling that shameless woman in his arms.
How dare she is...
She stole him. She took him away from me.
She needs to pay for what she did. For stealing my man, for stealing my love.
I tightened my grip on the knife that I am holding right now as I looked at both of them full of hatred.
Hatred... Maybe not for them, but probably for myself.
I made a fool out of me. Haha.
I ruined... myself.
I blindly led my whole being believing that someone like William could love me, even though I knew all along how impossible it was.
To love someone like me? That was insanity.
Insane. That is how they described William's actions back then.
They called him an 'idiot', 'blind', and so many more just because he married me. Just because he stayed with me.
All of those names just because he chose to love me.
And I believed him.
I believed his love. I let myself submerge into the thought that all of it would last forever. That everything is not a dream. It's the reality. I can feel it; he loves me.
But why...
Why William...
Why did you choose to betray me?
"I've loved y-you... so much," I said as my tears continued to flow out of my eyes and as my vision began to blur.
Thinking about our memories together made me more furious.
"Jane..." I can hear the pleading in his voice. I can only see how his embrace tightened to the woman in his arms. It's as if he'll die if he lets go. It's as if he would rather be killed than let go of her.
I stopped on my tracks as I watched how affectionate he is to her right now.
It feels like they are the ones trying to stab me with a knife deep into my heart until I lost so much blood from bleeding.
Now, come to think of it...
Did he ever hold me the way he hugs her right now?
Did he ever look at me like that? Full of love, affection, and adoration?
Ha...
My eyes suddenly went into the knife in my hand. As I looked at it, I couldn't help myself but to cry.
I am pathetic.
I... will never be loved.
He... did not love me.
"This marriage will not last long. Do you really think that he'll ever love you with that kind of face?"
As I heard my mother's words echoing in my ears, I couldn't help but look at the mirror not far from me, and there I saw my hideous face. The face that was ruined. Probably even destined not to be loved by anyone.
So my mother was right all along.
He never loved me. Maybe all along, it was pity.
And maybe he himself never realised that.
I moved my eyes toward them again, but this time I didn't focus my sight on William but on Raina, who is in her arms, as she looked at me with her watery, round eyes.
Her face is that of a woman whom every man would gladly do anything just to protect it.
That's basically what happened with William.
She must be the person he adores the most.
So all along, in this marriage, maybe she wasn't the other woman.
Maybe it was me.
They were meant to be together, and I just happen to be a side character. A cannon fodder. A villainess.
What a pity.
I no longer want to kill them for their crime.
May they be punished one day. Not by my hands though.
May they be haunted by nightmares each day as they remember...
How horrible it is to kill a woman by betrayal of vows.
I pointed the knife at my neck. I didn't hesitate anymore as I slashed my neck.
It hurts...
But at least... It all ends now.