-Son, hello, what are you doing here by the tree? Come on in the house," said my father. His voice was firm but loving.
My body moved almost of its own accord, as if Elmer's words were a direct command to me. I tried to stand up, resting one hand on the floor and pushing myself up with effort, but my body simply did not respond. All I managed to do was collapse again, unable to keep my balance.
My father noticed right away. He leaned toward me with a worried expression. My head was still resting on the floor, he picked up my face carefully to look me in the eyes.
What I saw in his expression surprised me. There was awe, yes, but mostly fear. His face reflected a mixture of shock and terror. His eyes, wide open, looked at me as if something terrible was happening.
-Son, what's wrong? Are you all right? -he asked in a trembling voice. The fear in his tone was unmistakable. He looked completely terrified, as if he feared I was dying in his arms.
At the time, I wasn't sure if his fear was a reflection of mine or if things were really as serious as he thought they were.
I tried to stay strong, hoping this would go unnoticed.
I can handle this, I thought, trying to motivate myself, but the reality was that I couldn't contain what I was feeling.
-Yes, I'm fine, Dad," I replied, trying to sound firm, though my voice was shaking.
-No, something's wrong. What happened? -he insisted, becoming more and more visibly worried.
-Nothing happened," I answered quickly, hoping he would stop asking questions.
-Then why are you crying, Kaini?
Crying, I wondered.
I hadn't noticed that my eyes were shining and the tears were slowly falling.
-I'm fine," I said, wiping my eyes with my hand.
He simply watched my actions in silence.
"..."
-Nothing happened! I told you, leave me alone, nothing happened, nothing happened. N... nothing happened. N... nothing happened," I repeated, but my voice broke. All the strength I was trying to hold on to suddenly crumbled. Tears began to flow uncontrollably, as if there was no way to stop them. I cried and cried, as if I had never had the chance to do so before.
My father, surprised but understanding, pulled me close to his chest and hugged me with a warmth I hadn't felt in a long time. His presence, his embrace, were the only thing keeping me grounded at that moment.
How did I end up in this situation?
I had never felt so bad in my life. No one had ever slapped me, let alone made me feel worthless. The only way to get rid of it all was to cry.
-What happened, son? I'm here, tell me," my dad whispered, not letting go of my embrace. His voice was soft, full of concern, but patient. I could feel the warmth of his embrace, the security he was trying to convey, but something inside me remained blocked.
I needed to trust that he would not judge me for what had happened. However, I didn't feel able to talk to him about it. I had never seen Elmer as a father I could really trust. I always looked at him with resentment, especially since he was with a much younger woman, which always made me suspicious of his intentions.
He struck me as insensitive, self-centered, someone who enjoyed the most inappropriate things. His attitude gave me the impression that he was almost spoiled, as if he were disconnected from real emotions. In matters that I considered serious, he seemed to take them lightly, especially when they bordered on the vulgar.
That's why I couldn't open up to him. I couldn't tell him what had happened to me. I felt he wasn't someone I could share my deepest problems with. He wasn't someone who could really understand what was happening to me.
At that moment, when I looked into my father's eyes, I realized something I had never noticed before: he was suffering with me, he shared my pain. His concern was real, sincere. Maybe he wasn't the bad guy I had painted in my mind all this time. Maybe, after all, the real problem was me.
My mind was unable to think clearly because of the emotions surrounding me.
I didn't answer his question, I remained silent. Without an answer, my dad simply picked me up and carried me towards the house, which was a few meters away from the tree where I was with Zirael.
When we reached the entrance to the stone fence, I saw my mother. At first she greeted us with a smile, but when she noticed my condition, her expression immediately changed. Her face was full of anguish and I didn't want her to feel that way. I wanted to reassure her, to let her know that everything was okay, but I couldn't help what was happening inside me.
My mother held me in her arms while Elmer hugged me too. My parents exchanged glances, she looked straight into Elmer's eyes, scared with worry.
-What happened, weren't you supposed to be watching our son all day? -asked my mother in a frustrated tone.
-Yes, but..." My father tried to answer, but the tension in his voice already hinted that something was about to happen.
And it was obvious. A fight was about to start and I was in the middle of it. I had lived through it before, I recognized it. It was just like in my other life, where my former parents fought constantly. The yelling, the senseless arguments, the blaming that led to nothing... I didn't want to hear that again or go through the same situation.
I squeezed my mom's hands tightly, wishing this time would be different.
I don't want any more fights, I thought.
I didn't want to relive those empty arguments that had hurt me so much before.
-Stop it, please! -I exclaimed, feeling the weight of the tension.
-Son, are you all right? -asked my father, still with a worried look on his face.
"Yes, I'm fine, don't worry," he replied, trying to sound calm.
My reaction and actions were no longer natural; they did not correspond to what was expected of a child my age. I was acting like someone much older, like someone who had lived much longer than I looked. But I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if my words or my mannerisms seemed out of place for a young child. In fact, in the midst of their distress, my parents didn't even seem to notice. They were too focused on me to question how I was behaving.
-Kaini, son, why were you crying? -my mother asked.
-For a silly thing, Mom," I answered quickly, trying to play it down. I didn't want them to see me vulnerable and, above all, I didn't want them to start questioning too much about what was really going on inside me. All I wanted at that moment was for the tension to disappear and for the situation to return to normal, even though I knew none of this would be normal.
If this had happened with my previous parents, they probably wouldn't have cared at all. That was the only "good " part of comparing them.
Why do they care so much, I thought in frustration. At that moment, an absurd idea invaded my mind.
I could end it all if I would just speak up and tell the whole damn truth, the truth that I'm not their son, that I come from another world. But I quickly dismissed that thought. Clearly, that would be crazy, not just for me but for everyone.
Being in this situation is complicated for anyone, it's an exhausting feeling. My own thoughts no longer make sense. They keep repeating themselves over and over again, as if I had no idea what else to say. I was with the desire to run away from everything.
In the end, I opted for the easiest action: running away, as I always did. Without another word, I let go of my parents' arms and ran to my room. I slammed the door shut, as if that action could put an end to the disaster.
TThe feeling of being a young man going through an emotional storm had become normal under the circumstances, although I couldn't say that I had behaved like that in my other life. Everything was confusing, and that confusion only pushed me to isolate myself more, as if solitude could offer me some answer or relief to forget.
This was supposed to be the best day of my life, the day I had been waiting for... why had all this happened, I wondered as I lay in bed, my face sunk into the pillow.
I felt like the most miserable kid in the world. I couldn't stop thinking about how bad everything had gone.
I think I've already said it; my mind just doesn't process anymore.
Just then, as if to accompany the moment, it started to rain. It rained all day, non-stop. I might have thought it was something normal, a random change in the weather, but the situation didn't feel that way. It was as if someone had provoked the rain to annoy me or make everything even more difficult.
It had been almost a year since I had seen a storm, sorry, rain. I remember how my father was worried about it.
"If this continues, it will be chaos for the town. Crops could be ruined and the families who depend on them would suffer significant losses, causing problems for the leaders," Elmer kept repeating.
In this situation, it is clear that some are doing well, while others are not.