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I Became The Great Catnip Of Calamities!

Crazy_Fish
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Sad Backstories Make People Sad

"When I was a child, I dreamt of becoming a zookeeper. That way, I could have all sorts of animals as pets. I could pet a lion's mane, climb trees with a monkey, swim with sharks, and even cuddle with a bear. At that time my mother looked terrified while my father was laughing his ass off."

Slowly, my eyes dropped to the floor as I let out a shaky sigh. Taking a deep breathe, I raised my head and looked at the boss baldhead with a melancholic look.

"During my seventh birthday, my parents wanted to suprise me with a trip to the town's zoo. At that time, I felt ecstatic and I immediately went to hug both of them. I was so happy that tears began to swell up and my parents laughed as they hugged me..."

I could feel my eyes sting for some reason as droplet of tears left the corner of my eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn't wipe them away as both my hands were currently tied up with a special grade knot.

Though the baldhead had a pokerface, his slightly shaking lips proved to tell a different story. I could hear a sob or two coming from the corner of the room–shame that I can't turn my head, It would have been a funny sight to see these wannabe mafia bastards sobbing like an infant.

Swallowing the bubbling laughter threatening to burst out from my mouth, I decided to deliver the final blow before I lose all my self control and laugh at their faces. Seriously, who names their gang Baldilocks–pfft!

"Ack!"

"Oi, is something that matter?" The boss baldman asked, startled, as he jumped from his seat and approach the raven haired man currently bounded from head to toe by high grade ropes.

"Ah...no, it's just...whenever I recall that day I get panic atta–"

"Undo the talisman now!"

Almost immediately, several bald men with suits stepped forward and began deconstructing the mummified man. Cirus, internally sighed in relief. He was about to internally celebrate his incoming freedom, when the boss of the baldmen suddenly started talking.

"That day...was it the same day as..."

Before the boss baldman could finish his question, he stopped and lowered his head instead. He clenched his knuckles, as he bit his lower lip and closed his eyes.

His fellow baldmen who was previously removing the ropes from Cirus's body stopped, as they copied their boss, all of them having a grim expression on their faces.

'Nooooo, get me out of here! Let me out!'

I could feel the corner of my eye twitch as I looked at the baldheads who had their shiny heads bowed. If I didn't know that these bastards threatened civilians, embezzled money and punched me, I would have thought that these were the so called monks from the old world.

'This is leaving a bad taste on my mouth. I'll get out first and slap their heads later!'

"That's right." The raven haired man nodded, a pained expression on his face. The boss baldman along with his subordinates immediately lifted their shiny heads.

"We were at the giraffe section when the Cluster appeared and the sky shattered. Several monsters came out and...and...my dad...he–an eight legged monster was coming towards us and he...jumped towards the monster so w-we could escape. The last thing I saw...h-his head, it was, it was...swallowed by the monster..."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as another batch of tears rolled from my cheeks. Honestly, my acting deserves one of those Oscars that people in the old world give to pro-actors like me. Shame that they don't have anything like that anymore.

Though I had my eyes closed, it was no doubt that the boss baldman and his crew were affected.

'Who the fuck is wailing?' I supressed my curiosity and continued to land the final blow, the cherry on top or as I like to call it, the closing act.

"After that, my mother lost all hope...she was alive, but she was dead at the same time...In the end, she couldn't take it anymore a-and...decided to jump into a cluster. I-I wanted to live, so while hunters and abilities were born, I hid instead. When towers and dungeons showed up, I ran away. And when the calamities attacked, I dug a hole and burried myself. After 10 years and the Great End finished, the world changed, yet I was still the same...the same coward..."

I raised my head and looked at the teary eyed boss baldman. From the amount of tears I've shed, my eyes are probably redder than the Polar Red Star orbiting along the sun.

"Sir, I swear that I didn't steal the ledgers! I–eventhough my hands aren't clean, I wouldn't dare to steal from the great Baldi–ha–locks!"

'Fuck, I almost gave out there.'

Luckily, the baldmen seemed to didn't notice my slight mishap as they were busy wiping their tears. The boss baldman was the first to recover, clapping his hand as he came closer.

"Son."

'The fuck are you calling son, baldhead?'

"The story of your life really resonates with us, of course we believe you."

'Fucking finally!'

"Then can I-"

"But, we can't let you run your mouth either."

"Huh?"

"Since you've had a pretty difficult life, how about you rest? I'm sure your parents would love to have a family reunion."

'This bastard!'

"This baldhead bastard!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA" The boss baldhead laughed before motioning to one of his subordinates. The baldhead man with tringle shaped sunglasses retrieved a box of Blood Bullets before giving it to the boss baldman.

As the boss baldman reload his gun, a sinister smirk smeared his lips. Slowly, he pointed the gun at Cirus's forehead.

"Any last words?"

At this, the raven haired man returned the same smile.

"Your clones doesn't look great."

"Huh?" Immediately, the old boss man turned around, only to see his baldmen crew slowly dissolving.

"Wha–BANG

"Tsk"

The boss baldmen staggered forward as another black haired man showed up. His left hand shakily reached his neck and it was painted with crimson red. "Ahhhh"

"Boss you missed his vital point. Btw he has blood type weapon, be careful."

The tall and muscular, older man nodded, with a clean handkerchief, he wiped the blood off his dagger and neatly slashed the ropes bounding Cirus.

"Oof"

"Get some rope, client changed their mind and wants Mr.Cruz alive."

"Eh?"

["Yep, I had the same reaction."]

Hearing the sudden voice of Yin Xiang on the noise amplifying box, Cirus almost had his eardrum pierced.

"Oi Xiang Xiang, you were there the whole time, didn't even notice you. WHY DIDN'T YOU RELEASE THE GAS SOONER YOU BRAT!"

["It needs to be released on a low quantity or else it'll be noticed by those baldheads, DODO!"]

"Why you and that nickna–"

"You two, let's finish the job first and then you can fight."

The two murmured incoherent words before agreeing altogether.

["Yes boss"]

"Yes boss."

"Good. Yin Xiang."

The boss baldman gently pressed the wound on his neck as he made a run for it.

Who would have thought that those petty bastards would actually hire the T.H.A. The door was finally in sight, and the boss baldman's pace fastened. He was inches away from the door, when it suddenly disappeared and became a wall.

["Self designing buildings are really handy. Just one button and you can immediately turn everything into a wall. Hey boss, let's do that to the office!"]

Having heard the cheerful voice of the girl from the amplifying box, the boss baldman lost all hope and collapsed on the floor.

"Objected. Cirus."

Without a second to spare, the raven haired man surged forward. With a menacing smile he looked at the despairing expression on the boss baldman's face. Slowly, he raised his right hand and said his closing remark.

"Clench your teeth and ready your head, you bastard!"