"When I say run, you run. You got it?" He ordered. His voice was deep, smooth, and rustic, he somehow managed to be so calm, all the while I could feel the fear and panic in my bones. Rattling me to my core.
I nodded. Fear holding my tongue tight.
The sound of bombs exploding everywhere; a layer of thick dust and smoke hung in the air, choking me. Relentless gunfire, it could almost drown out the screams that could be heard for miles. Almost.
Debris flying past me as building crumbled all around.
Tanks crushing the concrete streets as they moved through the city of Munich.
Soldier's shouts could be heard in the distance.
All around me bodies were sprawled out. Dismembered and bloody, contorted and broken limbs, bodies littered with bullet holes, massive pools of blood spilled over the curb, blood splattered on car windows. There were piece of buildings cascading from the sky, crashing all around me. Everywhere I turned there was blood and gunfire and death.
I saw my neighbor across from me hiding behind a car, she was sobbing hysterically cradling her child. Shattered glass scattered around her. Blast from another bomb causing her to shake violently in fear.
I sat unable to draw my gaze away, watching her rock back and forth, using her body as a shield, holding his wounds, trying to keep more blood from leaking out, trying so protect him, to save him, trying to keep him from dying. Anything really. But the boys body turned grey, the life from his eyes drained. Realizing this the woman's agony made her face wither and it controrted into something so painful it was unbearable to look at, but even still, I couldn't look away. Everything once holding that woman together, now lost, she let out a roar of anger and desperation, something deep from with in her surfaced. The look on her face etched in my mind. Her wailing was a sound that couldn't be forgetten.
"Okay, run." He ordered.
Startled by his voice I flinched.
"Run you stupid girl." He loudly demanded pulling me out of my trance.
I obeyed, I ran, faster than I've ever ran before. Following behind him, dodging debris and staying low, we hid behind car after car as we made our way through the streets trying to find shelter.
Bullets fire past us, the sound of them scratching as they're piercing the cars metal frame.
Another blast erupted next to me, the blast knocking me back.
Suddenly, a piercing pain pulsed through the back of my head. My ears were ringing so loud it was drowning out all the noice around me. I reach to touch it and I could feel the warm blood on my finger tips as it steadily drips down my neck. I could taste iron in my mouth.
Looking at the man in front of me I could feel a warmth in my heart. Soon I couldn't hear anything, he was yelling, his lips were moving but there was no sound. Everything had grown silent. I couldn't see most of his face anymore, my vision was fading with every blink. My eyelids got heavier and were harder to open, a chilling cold was seeping into my bones and I was feeling so tired. Right before everything went black I saw him mouth the words "I'll find you".
I wake up panting, I could taste my tears and sweat from my upper lip. My heart was pounding, my hand clutching my shirt, my clothes and bed, drenched in sweat.
Another freaking nightmare.
Since I turned 16, I get these horrific nightmares every so often, although the stories would change, they always ended the same… in my death… It's been 4 years' but since the starting of this year, it's so much worse. More terrifying, more intense, and worst of all more frequent. Now they're present more often than not.
None of the doctors we've tried know what to make of it, I've seen specialists, psychiatrists, psychologists, I've even tried a psychic. Medications, meditation, tea, incense, you name it. They still happen.
Forget finding sleep. I'm usually so tense theres no hope for sleeping.
Although recently I found one something that's helped with at least the sleep part.
Marijuana.
Though it's been decriminalized in California, mom and dad aren't 'huge' fans of the smell or the fact that I smoke, in general, so I don't smoking inside.
Which is why I'm heading outside to smoke.
Rolling a joint before going out sit on the porch out back.
Wow, it was pretty cold for an early November night, even wrapped in a blanket, there was still a bone chilling briskness in the air.
Igniting it, and inhaling that first deep hit, a warm wave rolled down my back, immediately relaxing me; my body was so tense from dying again, it felt good to have my muscles loosen up some.
What was up with my nightmares lately?
I couldn't shake the cries of that women in my dream. It was like I knew her. I felt that loss in my heart.
With another drag, I blow 'O's of smoke into the air, watching them float up before dissipating.
Looking above at the stars, listening to the sounds of nature. The melody of trees blowing, owl's cooing and crickets chirping. Soon the weather will get cold enough the cricket's will sleep.
Unlike me.
This serene moment is such a stark comparison to the nightmare I just had.
Closing my eyes, I almost drift off to sleep, it was soothing, enjoying the calming sound of nature when I hear my dog bark loudly beside me, scarying the crap out of me.
God dammit Sammy.
It was late anyways and I needed to go back to sleep, I know Josie's going to be up my ass early tomorrow. I put the joint out and look at my sleepy puppy, "Come on Sammy, let's go back to bed."
The next morning it was another cold and sunny day in Weaverville. My 21st birthday was tomorrow.
Sammy start's whining to be taken out.
Ugh.
"Come on Sammy." I say rolling out of bed and putting on my robe and slippers.
"You're so high maintenance." I take to the steps and head to the back porch.
Sammy pouted and whined "No, Sammy, it's too early, we slept like crap, I'm not walking you yet. Just go potty out back."
He whines more.
"No, I'm wearing a robe and pj's."
He dramatically whimpered louder, throwing himself on the floor.
Am I really arguing with a dog?
"Seri, is that you?" Mom yell's from somewhere inside.
"No mom, it's the Holy Ghost."
"Seri, I didn't know you were awake, you scared the crap out of me. Why are you up this early, did you have another night terror?" Mom asked.
"No, I slept like a baby." I lied.
"Then why do you smell like pot?" She asked
Damn it.
She caught me.
Default sitting.
Deflect.
"Nobody call's it that anymore, Mom."
"Oh, then what do they call it now?" She mocked me.
Was she really mocking me at 7am?
"Weed or bud. Are you making coffee yet?"
"Whose askin?" Dad piped in after entering the kitchen.
"Me." yelling back.
"Whose me? You mean the Holy Ghost?" My dad joined in on the morning mock sesh.
"Ugh." shutting the door. I'm not awake enough.
Standing on the back porch the sun was just peeking over the horizon. The cool air had started to recede the minute the sun peeked out giving they sky it's first touch of yellow.
Sammy was wandering the yard, sniffing, searching for that perfect place to poop. That was one thing I could always count on, Sammy's predictability.
"Here's some coffee." Mom said coming from the back door, with a much softer tone.
"Thanks mom." She understood me.
With a deep inhale, the bittersweet smell of coffee really helped open my eyes.
"You're grumpy this morning. You do remember tomorrow is your 21st? right?" She asked looking blankly at the horizon with me.
"Yeah."
"Well what are you doing?" She asks.
"I don't know Josie and Brooke will probably plan something. Cause, ya know, God forbid I do nothing on my day." I was laughing. I was lucky to have the best friends in the world, we've had 19 years of friendship between the three of us.
Josie was wild, a free spirit was what she liked to call herself. She had voice that was raspy and sarcastic. She had crazy hair and was always changing it, right now it was a literal rainbow. Josie is an unbelievably loud and expressive person. There was almost nothing she wouldn't say, her direct honesty was a refreshing experience when you live a life surrounded by people who lie all the time. Josie is "authentically herself".
And Brooke. Well Brooke is basically a saint. Your all around good girl. Smart beautiful, natural, good at everything she does, her voice soft and gentle. She's practically perfect. Brooke can be loud if she has too but prefers to watch the world quietly with me. We call ourselves watchers, and Josie is a doer, because she goes and does all of the things we won't.
"Well why don't you ask them over for dinner tonight, we can celebrate your birthday, since I doubt I'll see much of you tomorrow." She asked me.
"Sure, mom."
"Ow"
Upstairs I almost die tripping over one of my plushies on the ground.
"I need to clean my room."
I throw on a black sports bra, a mint colored sweater and some black sweat pants. Throwing my hair in a pony tail.
How does Sammy always rope me into a morning jog?
We had a spiral staircase. Running down it always felt cool, super princess in a castle vibe.
"Ready?" I look down at my white and black shaggy haired bearded collie. Ah man, he's looking a greasy, I need to give him a bath too.
I guess these nightmares have been really messing with me. I'm neglecting my room and my dog.
I pop in my AirPods and press shuffle of my iTunes. Breaking Benjamin's "Breathe" started playing in my ears.
Sammy leashed up I start running down the drive way and up the road.
My town wasn't big by any means, but I wouldn't call it small either. Maybe wide is the best word, we had a lot space in Weaverville, my family and I lived on the outskirts in the mountains. My mom, Meredith, was an engineer that was working on more effective ways to transport water to the forest fires that happen pretty often here in Cali, she worked from home so she's always been around... My dad, Joseph, was an RN nurse at Trinity Hospital in the ER.
I liked where we lived I had a long driveway and a lot quiet. When I was a kid my dad made a trail that ran through the woods around our house. I liked running. I guess it was the closest I could ever get to flying. I was fast too, I ran state this last year and placed first.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, breaking my rib cage. My feet thumped the earth with each step. I wanted to run faster. Me and Sammy keeping in pace together.
"Are you out of breathe yet pup?" I teased Sammy.
He shook his head side to side, which made his ears flop.
He was getting older, but could still run a 6 minute mile with me, if I talked enough crap to him. He sure wasn't going to let me forget it either. Taking off, he pushed himself further ahead, so I in turn followed suit.
Making our way back to the house I get a call from Josie.
"Hey girl!" Josie yelled.
"Hey," I chuckled back. I really did love her constant enthusiasm.
"When can you be ready we need to travel to Redding which is a two hour drive and with Brooke driving its two and a half and I'm going to need breakfast and coffee soon." Josie said.
"What's in Redding?"
"Bigger Malls, dah." Josie joked.
"Really Josie?" I laughed.
"Yes bitch, let's goooo." Josie hollered.
"Ugh, I'm out jogging with Sammy, I need to shower and get ready." I sighed
"Fine I'll see you in 45 minutes. Did your dad make breakfast?" She asked.
"Probably."
"Bet." She said
"Love you bye." Hanging up first.
Picking up the pace again I take it slow, just a soothing wind down.
It took me about 10 minutes to get back to the house.
"Back so soon?" My mom shouted from the kitchen.
"Yeah," I yelled back unhooking Sammy's leash from his harness "Josie called, she's one her way over for breakfast. We're going to the mall in Redding."
"Oh why so far?" She asked.
"I asked the same thing, she said bigger malls." My mom and I both laughed at that.
"Okay, get up and shower I can see the sweat dripping from you hairline." My mother said peeking her head from around the corner.
"Already planned on it mom. Thankssss"
Running up the spiral staircase, my bathroom was actually pretty cool, the house was an old house, so my bathroom had an antique shower that stood separately from the room. I had a shower curtain that wrapped around the tub. I had window, I loved to open after the shower to air out the steam in the room.
Washing the sweat from my body, I felt good after.
I take a long look in the mirror. My eyes were two different colors, I had one dark blue eye and one dark green eye. Long, thick and wavy ginger hair. I tried coloring it before but for some reason dye doesn't stay in my hair. It's ridiculous, I'll never be able to have colorful hair like Josie, even if I wanted it. My lips were nice, not big, I had a cute pout, and a full smile, at least that's what Josie says about me. I will say had nice cheek bones that framed my face, giving almost a heart shape to it. And I did love my eyes. I was the only person in town with it.
Josie always teases me because I've never had a boyfriend. She acts as though the one time I tried to like a boy, I kissed him at camp in grade school, I guess he was allergic to my lip gloss because he went into, anaphylactic shock. People still call me "Poison Ivy" from Batman. Which is cool I guess, she was a pretty bad ass super villain and cared a lot about the earth and all. But, I don't think they meant it as a compliment.
I pick out a pair of pale blue jeans and a white long sleeve crop top that clung to my skin, emphasizing my cleavage. And a warm brown leather jacket with matching brown leather boots.
I hear an echo of footsteps thumping up the stairs.
How does she make so much noise without shoes?
Josie burst through bathe door with a piece of crispy bacon in her hanging in her mouth.
"Are you ready?" She asked me.
"No."
"I don't know you look ready to me." She sneered.
"Yeah, but I haven't had any bacon yet." I snatched the piece of bacon from Josie's mouth and eat it quickly.
"Rude." She said rolling her eyes.
"So is showing up 15 minutes early to eat someone else's breakfast."
"Whose breakfast am I eating?" She acted clueless.
"Mine."
"Oh no, this is mine, but if you want some, better hurry down before Meredith and Joseph give the rest to the dog." Josie joked.
"They wouldn't dare, Sammy would shit all over the wood floors and go on a hunger strike, insisting he's to good for his dog food."
The door downstairs slams. "Must be Brooke." Josie said. "Let's get this show on the road." Throwing her hands up with a dramatic flair