The condo's silence wrapped around Lily like a weight, urging her down, each breath heavy with memories she no longer wanted to maintain. She sat alone at the dining table, a blank sheet of paper in front of her, her fingers holding a trembling pen. The reality of what she was about to do settled over her, bloodlessly and finally.
This was it. She'd clung on for so long, but there was nothing left to hold on to. Her coronary heart had already begun its slow goodbye. Now all that remained was for her hand to follow.
A gentle knock on the door disturbed the silence. Her brother, Samuel, entered the room, his face marked with mild apprehension. He crossed the room to sit by her, his continual presence serving as a small anchor.
"Are you certain approximately this, mei mei?" Samuel asked, his voice quiet, as if he was not attempting to disrupt the delicate moment.
Lily gazed up at him, her eyes mirroring every ache and solution. "I died a little every day while living with him, ge. "I can't do it anymore."
Samuel reached out and covered her hand with his, giving her energy as she glanced at the page. "You don't need to explain whatever to me," he added gently. "I am right here. "Something you need."
The words struck her, a flood of thankfulness filling her chest as her heart wrenched. She took a nervous breath before nodding. Slowly, she lowered the pen to the page, the words forming as if they had anticipated this moment.
Hi, Jason.
I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with the truth: I'm leaving. No longer because I stopped loving you - that would be too easy. I'm leaving because I can't keep losing parts of myself to someone who was never truly mine.
After I married you, I believed that love would suffice. But what I didn't know was that love cannot exist on its own. It requires appreciation, honesty, and devotion. I gave you all of that, but when I went back, I found myself alone.
Each night you spent gone, each time you looked at me but saw someone else, another piece of me broke. Finally, there was nothing left to give. Despite our child's wishes, you chose her instead of me.
I will not forgive you for that, Jason. I will not forgive you for leaving me to grieve our child alone while you were someplace else, pretending that everything was fine. I loved you so much that it hurt, yet love wasn't enough to keep us together.
Maybe eventually I'll understand why it happened this way. Perhaps one day you'll look back and see what you allowed to slip through your fingers. However, by then, it will be too late.
Please do not seek me out. There is nothing left here for both of us.
Goodbye, Jason.
— Lily
The words remained on the page, harsh and permanent. As she said the last phrase, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders as the gravity of her decision dawned. But with that finality came an astonishing sense of serenity, a liberation she hadn't had in years.
Samuel maintained a steady and sympathetic gaze on her. "You've been so resilient, mei mei. I understand this wasn't easy."
Lily placed the pen down, her fingers trembling slightly, as reality dawned on her. "I don't know who I am without him, Samuel." I built my life around someone who didn't need the same things I needed. What if I can't find myself again?
He stretched out and tucked a free strand of hair behind her ear, the familiar touch sending a smooth warm sensation to her chest. "You've typically been stronger than you realize, Lily. And sometimes starting over is the bravest thing we can do."
She nodded, blinking away tears that threatened to spill over. She did not want to cry anymore. She had wept enough tears for a lifetime.
"Then I bet this is the start," she said, her voice a mix of fear and hope.
Samuel offered her a warm grin. "A starting you deserve."
That evening, after Samuel had left, Lily watched herself alone in the flat, her belongings scattered around her in packing containers. all she had acknowledged, all she had once considered to be her life, had been packed away, ready to be left behind. She moved through the rooms, each step filled with memories.
Inside the living room, her wedding picture remained on the mantle, Jason's face frozen in time staring back at her. She took it up, her arms tracing the outline of their smiles. The lady in the snapshot appeared to be quite joyful, full of desires and wishes. She almost never recognized herself.
"Goodbye," she said quietly, setting the body down.
She scooped up her purse and took a final look about the rental before entering the corridor. As she closed the door behind her, she felt an unusual sense of serenity rush over her, a serene energy that informed her that she was dealing with the appropriate subject.
Downstairs, Samuel prepared by the car, his palms crossed as he observed her approach. He opened the passenger door, providing a soothing presence as she climbed inside. They drove silently, the metropolitan lighting fixtures casting a glow across her face.
"where are you going to go?" He asked, his voice soft.
"I don't understand," she said, her expression remote. "However, somewhere far away from here. "Somewhere I'll breathe."
Samuel nodded with expertise. "You don't have to have all of the answers right now. Simply take one step at a time.
Lily looked out the window, seeing the city pass by in a whirl of lights and shadows. Her heart became heavier, but also more free. For the first time in years, she felt the possibility of a future that wasn't tied to a broken heart.
As they crossed the city line, she took a deep breath, felt the weight of the beyond lift just slightly, a new clear up forming inside. She had no idea what awaited her, but for the first time, she was eager to find out.
Samuel squeezed her hand beside her, as if to assure her that she was not alone. And as they drove into the night, leaving the city and its memories behind, Lily realized that this was the beginning of her trip - a path toward healing, self-discovery, and a future she had never imagined possible.
However, as the miles passed,
she couldn't shake the notion that her story with Jason was far from ended.