"HAHAHAH," I laughed at Rick and said while taking a deep breath, "You believe in those legends, the stone that gives the user the ability to turn rocks into gold. You believe that A–A stone gi–gives someone infinite knowledge. Hahaha." I could not stop laughing, and Rick just looked increasingly angry. I eventually stopped laughing, and Rick said
"Wait and see, dumbass. I will show you exactly what the philosopher's stone is." Rick said, with a smile that means he is plotting something diabolical again.
"Even if this guy had the actual philosopher's stone, why would he gamble it? Since he does have infinite knowledge, gambling is not the first thing I think of." I said, trailing behind him as we approached a table with a sign that read Quantum Probability Chess. There was an old man with a sickening smile on the other side. Rick approached him and said
"Ok, show me the good."
The old man silently nodded and reached into his oversized coat to pull a stone no more than the size of his palm out. I immediately activated my Google, which could detect energy in all of the universe as its data. The results were surprising, to say the least, "Rick, What kind of shit did you bring me to? I see an unidentified energy source from it, and it is not connected to the big bang."
"Told you it's the real deal," Rick said with a goofy smile. I wanted to kill him at this time. All energy in the universe comes from the Big Bang, and it is the same across the multiverse. Each universe forms from a big bang, where energy, matter, time, and space are created. Now, this is clearly something that doesn't belong to this universe, so it is a multiversal object. I am all for caution, but the stakes just got much bigger, man.
"Rick, what are you putting down that is worth this much?" I said. Rick slaps the side of the table and grins.
"Alright, Morty 2.0, let's do this. I'm putting down something real valuable for this game."
I raise an eyebrow. "Let me guess… you're betting something absurd like your dignity?"
"Ha! Dignity? I'm a genius. I don't need dignity," he said
"The portal gun?" I questioned.
Burps "Pfft, no. That'd be reckless. I'm putting down something valuable." He mutters, then turns to the dealer, "I'm putting down Jerry." Yeah, you heard that right. He bet Jerry. The single most absolute disaster of a family member, and the most mind boggling thing to me is that this old man wants him. I could see a smile on his face when he said that.
"WHAT?!!!" Two people said in unison, Wait, why did I hear 2 voices. I looked at where the other voice was and found Jerry. "Wait, What the fuck? You are here. Since when? Where did you come from the back room?"
"I have been here since the beginning. Thank you for noticing, SON," Jerry said with his annoying side roll. Wait, that is not the question I should be asking. I walked up to the old man and started to check his pulse.
"Old man, are you high?" I asked. The old man still had the creepy smile and said
"I quit alright, young man."
"Ok, are you delusional?"
"No, I am fine, I believe," The old man said
"Do you know the value of the stone you possess?"
"Yes, in fact, I am the most informed person when it comes to the nature of the stone." The old man said
"Ok, and you realize that my father's life in this universe is worth way less than a groundshiteater," I said, to which Jerry replied with
"HEY!!! I am right here." I ignored him and looked at the old man, to which he replied with
"One's trash is another treasure."
"But he is something the universe can collectively agree that is the lowest point for any species," I said, to which the old man shrugged, seeing as there is bugging this old man. I shrugged. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? Jerry gets touched by an old man. One less pain in the ass. I looked at the half-opened eye of Rick and said, "You found quite a deal. Even if we win or lose, we stand to gain. What do you say about being a part-timer?"
"Nah, got a lot of other work than being a part-timer. I will have to reject it. Burp," Rick said. "I knew you would come in use at some time; don't worry for my daughter and grandsons who still love you I will try my hardest to win" Rick said while pating Jerry on the back, and the poor guy nearly falls over, looking like a kid who just realized he was being left at the mall to fend for himself.
Jerry stumbles over. "What? I didn't agree to this! I—"
"Shut up, Jerry." Rick waves him off. "You're fine. Stop crying."
And here I am, trying not to laugh because, honestly, Jerry doesn't even have the sense to be scared. He should be scared. But he's probably too busy thinking about where to find a sandwich or something.
Jerry was sweating. A lot. Like, more than usual—which was saying something. He looked back and forth between Rick, the shady old man, and me, his expression somewhere between betrayal and his usual dumbfounded confusion. "You—you can't bet me, Rick! I'm a person! Beth would never—"
Rick waved him off, already bored. "Beth signed the waiver."
Jerry's mouth opened, then closed. "She did what?!"
"Yeah, yeah, something about 'if you ever got into a situation that made you useful, she'd sign the rights away.' Don't know, wasn't listening." Rick burped, then pointed at the stone on the table. "Alright, old man, we got a deal or what?"
Honestly, Jerry should have paid close attention to the paper, or I'm sorry it was tissue paper that Rick wrote a sloppy made note that said 'You can have Jerry'. Mom would never do anything like that to Dad until now anyways. Sadly, the universe or god who reincarnated me forgot to give Jerry a brain, something I am not sure is possible. I mean, he has a decent EQ, but the Iq is too low.
The old man's sickly grin stretched wider. He looked like a corpse that was getting ready to enjoy its funeral. "Agreed."
Jerry let out a noise that I can only describe as a dying goat choking on its stupidity. "I—this is illegal! This has to be illegal!"
Rick snorted. "Illegal? Jerry, buddy, we're in a casino where a dude just bet his past existence and lost. There are no rules here. Now sit down and be a good little bargaining chip."