"I want a divorce, Phoenix." I gazed disbelievingly at Ace, the love of my life, my husband of five long years.
"Please, Lord let this be a dream," I mumbled ignoring the splitting pain in my chest.
I closed my eyes, praying that when I lift my eyes open, the nightmare would come to an end.
But the heavens have failed to grant my pleas. When my eyes opened I found myself seated across my husband with a stone-cold expression plastered on his face.
I couldn't describe the pain, but it made me stop breathing.
My fingers trembled, and I slowly have to let go of the glass of champagne I held in my icy fingers.
"You're j-jocking right?" The words tumbled freely before I could stop myself.
There is a small part of me that wishes this is another one of his jokes, and that he didn't mean what he said. But when the words left his mouth, it felt like a sharp piece of glass piercing through my illusions. It hit me even harder than the first time he said those words, "I'm serious, Phoenix. I want to end this marriage."
We shared five years of marriage and yet he looked at me like a total stranger--not the same woman he vowed to love for the rest of his life in front of the altar.
His face showed no sign of humor, his lips were not stretched into his customary wide boyish grin that I loved. That moment I knew my greatest fear has finally come to life.
My throat went dry as we fought gaze. Trying to quench my thirst, I picked up the glass of champagne but accidentally knocked it over.
The crimson liquid spilled all over the cream-colored tablecloth before I was able to pick it up. The glass was now empty--like how hollow I feel deep within.
My eyes landed on the mess I made on the table cloth. If I could see how the blood flowed from my wounded heart, it would have made a huge red stain on the tablecloth, similar to the spilled champagne.
"Why Ace, Am I not enough?" I said the words aloud and without a trace of fear showing on my face.
I was extraordinarily calm when a normal wife would be furiously sobbing at the mere mention of divorce from her beloved husband.
"You're not the problem, it's me. I'm sorry I fell out of love." He replied calmly. I couldn't help but wonder if he even shared my pain, when he couldn't even show a speck of sympathy or even fake one. "I made a mistake for marrying you."
I died inside. He regretted our marriage and it hurt.
His words felt like an invisible hand was gripping my neck, causing my chest to constrict until I fear I might not be able to breathe.
After sacrificing my dreams to make him happy, he broke my heart into thousands of shards in return. The damage had been done, my irreparable heart was beyond salvation. I can feel a hole in my heart.
Seeing how lightly he was taking this break up twisted my fragile heart. He showed no pain as he bid me goodbye, making me wonder if he ever loved me.
"Why Ace?" I asked for the second time, demanding the truth from him.
"I want a child, Phoenix. As my wife, you failed to bear me a son. You can't fulfill the responsibility of providing me an heir and I have no further reason to stay in this marriage."
His words pierced straight to my heart like a relentless attack, as if a knife was repeatedly piercing me. Yet, surprisingly, I managed to stay conscious despite the overwhelming pain.
If Vien, our daughter, didn't die from that accident then this would never have happened. But that tragedy claimed my daughter's life.
Even if I wished I was the one who died that night, it will never change that truth that she's gone forever.
And though I tried to have another child, I failed. But Ace shouldn't put all the blame on my shoulders, it wasn't my fault alone.
"Can't you see I'm doing my best, Ace?" The words came out of my lips in barely an audible whisper. "Don't you see how difficult it was for me too? I go to regular check-ups, undergo strict diets, and obediently follow all my doctor's advice. Even if sometimes it was difficult to follow those strict demands, and even if I was afraid of the pain from the injection needles, I kept my mouth shut and never did I complain. I did all that because I love you."
The lengthy reproach I shot him sent me on the verge of tears, but he looked at me with his cold, vacant eyes, without even bothering to fake sympathy for the sake of our long marriage.
I shook my head and closed my eyes, refusing to cry or break down in public. Even if it was getting harder to do so after every passing second, I had to maintain my composure. Everyone inside the restaurant was looking at our table and I didn't want to create a scene in front of a huge crowd.
One mistake and I'll end up as tomorrow's sizzling headline. My life was complicated enough, I didn't want to add more burden to my miserable life by announcing to the world I was Mr. CEO's secret wife.
A few people--including my co-wokers at Greysons's business hotel--knew about my marriage to him. If the public knew a billionaire like him married a lowly hotel staff, it would have caused a huge scandal.
Ace Carter Greyson, the man sitting like a demigod on the opposite chair in front of me, was a notorious playboy, gracing the front covers of illustrious magazines all over the country.
Well-known in the business world, he came from an influential family and every soul in the country knew about his existence.
He was perfect on all fronts, the exact description of every girl's dream husband, but to me--Ace was now my nightmare. I wanted to salvage our marriage, yet how could I when my husband showed no regard for it.
With my best efforts, I managed to keep my tears at bay and held my chin up high as I stated at the mesmerizing color of his ocean blue eyes.
Since this must be the last time we would be able to see each other as husband and wife I might as well maintain a brave face instead of showing him how defeated I become.
"I can't go on like this, Phoenix." He whispered in a voice just for me to hear.
This is painful. Hearing my husband just gave up on us his painful. I fought for him for five long years only to hear him say these words to me. So my hardships in keeping us together were all wasted in vain?
"I'm begging you to give me some time, Ace. I promise to provide you a son in time." I said as I resorted to pleading with him instead. If I lower my pride a little bit maybe we could settle this and file for divorce would not be necessary.
"Your plea would no longer work, Phoenix." He stood from his seat making my eyes grow wide in surprise.
After hearing the harsh words coming out of my husband's mouth I suddenly lose my calm, I was suddenly overcome with rage.
My eyes filled with so much hatred pierced him. I vacated my chair with the grace of a queen as if I wasn't about to declare war.
"If it's what you want, I'll give you the freedom you asked for Ace." If words could kill he should have died by the dagger-sharp words I shot him.
I slipped our wedding ring out of my finger and harshly tossed it on the top of the table.
My chest heaved from the intensity of my emotion. As I look at him I feel nothing but hate. I spoke non more and made a beeline straight out of the restaurant. I bothered not to pay him a glance. Once outside, I hailed a cab and clamber inside.
He easily ended what I've been fighting for five long long years. He was so cruel to end it on our fifth wedding anniversary.
I did not cry when I was finally alone inside the dimly lit cab. I didn't even cry after I saw the familiar muscular and tall figure of a man emerge from the upscale restaurant and run to the parking area in pursuit of me. I just can't cry even though it hurts badly.
I didn't even cry as the cab sped and he followed suit but failed as the cab manoeuvred into the dimly lit highway. I turned away from the heartbreaking scene.
"To Saint Paul's Hospital please," I mumbled to the driver and said nothing more.
I leaned on the backseat and shut my eyes firmly. Even if I want to cry, the tears won't pour out of my eyes. I don't know why but maybe because the mental, physical, emotional, and psychological pain finally took its toll on me, making me numb from the excruciating pain.
I fluttered my eyes opened. My gaze landed outside the window of the moving cab. I just stared into space seeing nothing in particular. The pitch-black darkness of the deserted highway reminded me of how alone I've become.
Not that I was the one to blame. I admit I have shortcomings too but if my husband did love me, he will never entertain my flaws nor my shortcomings. Instead, he will fill it up the way I fill his failures with encouragement. My one-sided love for him lasted for five long years.
The cab screeched against the cemented pavement and pulled into a stop in front of Saint Paul's hospital. I immediately clamber out of the car and slam the door shut. If it weren't for the constant honking of the driver I wouldn't remember I paid him nothing.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled against the open window of the driver's seat and quickly handed him the payment in an awkward manner. "Please keep the change," I added, red with embarrassment.
I turned away from the car and heard it sped away. The white exterior design of the gigantic hospital greeted my vision when I looked up. I hated this place, I really did. My stomach lurched as I slowly made my way into the familiar hallways of the place I spend most of my night.
The color drained off my cheeks when I pulled into a halt on a familiar door. The familiar surge of fear returned. I should get used to this emotional turmoil, I experience it daily anyway. I told myself for the umpteenth time.
I did not immediately enter. Instead, I stood there in front of the door, shutting my eyes firmly. I did this daily--almost every night I vist her. It's my way of summoning all the courage I could muster to enter the door.
The thud of my heart was so loud that I could hear it all the way to my ears. What if I will see the bed empty? What if she wasn't breathing anymore? What if I came too late now?
My fear deepened, my eyes filled with unfathomable fear fluttered open and tears raced down my cheeks before I even knew it. I didn't cry when Ace left me, but I can't promise not to cry when the woman who's been my only ally will leave me also.
I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my blouse. "Mom?" I called out as I flung the door open. There was no response. I entered using my trembling legs while my fingers turned into ice.