I lifted up my head, which had been down until now.
The same attitude, hands in pockets. The same look from above to down. The same body full of wounds.
"Who the hell even are you?"
I couldn't see her eyes to witness her reaction. But her mouth was left open.
"... What?"
"You can't be my delusion. Because right now, all my thoughts and concerns aren't about my regrets and past mistakes. It's all about Arina who wants me to go back home."
I could feel her being shocked without seeing her face.
"Azima..."
Around her got surrounded by familiar green numbers and letters. The same ones I saw nine years ago. I stared in astonishment at these occurrences.
"As long as I'm here I wouldn't let you have a moment of peace."
And then she vanished into the numbers and letters. Gradually, the numbers and letters disappeared too. Like a real illusion...
"What was that?"
***
It had been about half an hour since I was dragging myself to the north. I was extremely thirsty and couldn't keep my eyes open due to exhaustion.
'But I can't stop.'
The difference between not being able to and not wanting to is significant. Wanting is a matter of taste and can change. But not being able means there is no way left for you. Even if I wanted to, I still couldn't stop moving forward. This is the path that has been laid out for my trial, and once I cross it, my sins will surely be forgiven.
'I just want to create a happy ending for Arina. I don't know if it's too much to ask for from God, but I will try for it.'
Suddenly, my hands gave away from tiredness, and I fell headfirst into the sand.
"Ugh!"
Thirst, hunger, and lack of energy. All these made it so my hands couldn't move.
Azima sees himself for the first time as low and insignificant in front of a desert. A vast and merciless desert that could bury her hope at any moment. When I lifted my head, I saw a light.
"... The sun?"
It was smaller than what could be called sun. Of course, the sun typically doesn't have two eyes.
'Wait a minute...'
Sitting up abruptly, a shiny yellow creature with white eyes was looking at me. Its body was the size of my palm. I don't know what the skin was made of exactly. Fur? Spines? Whatever it was, it was prickly. It floated and spun around my head.
"Oh God, why am I hallucinating all the time? First, it's Azima from the past, and now it's this tiny glowing creature."
Suddenly, the glowing creature moved away from me. It stood a few meters to my left and began spinning around a certain area. I squinted.
"What is it doing?"
It was completely focused on me while simultaneously bouncing up and down in that area.
"Does it want to tell me something?"
With the strength I had left, I approached it. I don't know why I was paying so much attention to an illusion.
'Maybe because I was an illusion for others too.'
I reached it. There was an object lying on the ground.
"This..."
I picked up the amulet. It belonged to Nuka.
"What is it doing here?"
I quickly and anxiously looked up. The creature was gone.
"What was that?"
The events unfolded so rapidly that I couldn't even process them. I was simply passing through them.
"Nuka will definitely be happy to see his amulet."
I dragged myself forward, but... I faced a large sand hill.
"Well, as if it wasn't challenging enough."
I went up the hill several times. But how can I climb these sandhills without having legs? In the middle of the way, I would tumble down. My fourth attempt left me breathless. I don't know if it was due to a hallucination or what. But again, the sound of a bell rang out. Louder than ever, making me sink into thought.
'Is this the sound of death ringing for me?'
I took Nuka's amulet out of my pocket. I first held it in front of my eyes and then placed it on my chest.
"I'm sorry, Nuka. But it seems you won't see your necklace anytime soon."
I listened to my breathing. It told me I was still alive. I thought about the other kids. I closed my eyes.
"I want to stay alive. I want to go back to my friends."
And then...
"Hmmmm... Hummmm... Hummm..."
'What a beautiful voice...'
"Hummm... Hummmm... Hummm..."
I slowly opened my eyes, but the bright light made me close them again.
"Ow!"
The singing stopped. I opened my eyes again
and they adjusted to the light. The first thing I saw was the wooden ceiling above me. I regained my composure. I quickly sat up, which made my whole body ache.
"Ouch ouch ouch!"
"Don't push your body too much."
Someone was standing above me. she looked to be about my age. had a calm and composed look, and her bright face shimmered under the light coming through the cracks.
"Were you the one humming?"
"Did I disturb your sleep?" she laughed and said.
"Your voice is really beautiful!"
she gave a serene and beautiful smile.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, very much."
she went towards a wooden box.
"What do you want to eat?"
I got up from my place. I was lying on a wooden bed that had no blankets or pillows. It looked like the beds found on ships.
"Something meaty."
"Sorry, but I only have a few limited vegetables left."
I moved closer to her.
"Well, what can you make with them?"
"Mashed potatoes."
"Well, besides that—"
"Just mashed potatoes."
I stared at them in disbelief.
"Okay, then mashed potatoes it is."
She started pulling potatoes out of the box. Meanwhile, I looked around.
'Now that I think about it...'
"Where is this place? How did you find me? Who are you, anyway?"
"Ask one question at a time," she replied with a laugh.
"Okay, answer all of them one by one."
"Well, this is my house. You were lying next to my house. My name is Mandana, nice to meet you."
"But I fainted in the middle of the desert."
"My house is in the middle of the desert too."
"No, I mean I didn't see any house or settlement around."
"Maybe that's because of this."
In her hand was Nuka's necklace amulet. I quickly snatched it from her, causing her to flinch.
"It must be something precious to you."
"No, it's for someone else; I have to return it to them."
"Considering your reaction, that person seems to be dear to you."
I turned my head away in annoyance.
"Why should a troublemaker like him be dear to me?"
"But even when you were unconscious, you were holding that amulet tightly in your hand. I had a hard time getting it out of your—"
"Go make the mashed potatoes."
At first, she looked at me confused, then it seemed like she remembered something and smiled.
"Okay then, I'll make my mashed potatoes."
I huffed and turned my gaze away from her. The place we were in was made of wooden boards and metal bars. The shape and atmosphere didn't resemble a room or even a simple house at all.
"Do you live here alone?"
"Yeah! It's been a long time since this house has seen a human."
I took another look at them from head to toe.
"How old are you?"
"I think I'll be 11 this year."
I looked at her suspiciously, as well as her surroundings. The area around the box was full of consumed cans, along with empty bags of rice. There was even a large water reservoir.
"How did you obtain these food supplies?"
"Oh! I didn't gather these. They were for my father."
I looked at her more suspiciously. Her words contradicted each other.
'If she's been living alone for a long time, how does she still have food supplies left from her father? How can an 11-year-old girl act so maturely?'
She began humming again and started peeling the potatoes.
When I saw that she wasn't paying attention to me, I headed toward the only door that existed. When I opened it, I was faced with a lot of stairs. My eyebrows furrowed.
'Which house has stairs going up?'
Every step I took creaked loudly. It seemed to be because of water damage.
'But this is the desert; why does it smell musty and everything feels rotten?'
When I reached the landing, I was faced with two paths in front of me. One door looked like the same door I had exited from, and the other was a long staircase. Thinking that this might be another room, I climbed the stairs. I went up about 5 floors like this and opened a few of the doors. Some resembled a kitchen, others like an office. Some were similar to the room I had come from.
Everywhere was covered with metal bars.
Finally, I reached the end of the staircase.
To ground level. I opened the metal door in front of meq and stepped outside. What faced me terrified me. A huge whale floated in the air. Not a dead one, but alive and well. It passed above me making sounds. My surroundings were filled with various fish, and giant jellyfishs were going up and down.
"Where on earth is this?"