XXXIV. Overwhelmed.
. . . . .
"Everything. . . Everything is your fault." I spat, my voice trembling from rage.
I pushed him aside, the force of my frustration propelling him off balance.
With a swift movement, I twisted his body, forcing him to face the mattress, the fabric rumpled beneath him. I seized his hands, pinning them behind his back with a firm grip, my fingers digging into his skin but not enough to hurt him.
"Do you even realize what you've done?" I demanded, leaning closer, my breath quickening as I fought to keep my emotions in check.
The mattress creaked under him as he adjusted to my hold. "Hm. . . I can tell you're upset." Was the only casual reply he was able to utter. He didn't even make any effort to stop me from doing this to him.
"No shit, Sherlock!" I shot back, the sarcasm spilling out before I could rein it in.
Seriously?
I'm literally sobbing from frustration right now.
Each breath I took felt so heavy.
"You can kill me now, darling." He said, his voice unexpectedly calm, which made me freeze in disbelief.
My eyes widened in surprise and I immediately shuddered at the thought. Is he even hearing what he's saying? "W-what?"
"Are you hesitating now, baby?" His words dripped with an unsettling mixture of challenge and amusement.
". . . Y-you. . . I-I—" My voice faltered as I subconsciously loosened my grip on his arms, though I still pressed him down against the mattress.
My mind was a mess. Thoughts were swirling all over the place.
"I'm giving you a chance, Lucrezia." He continued, his tone almost mocking. "Didn't you want to kill me, darling?"
What's up with him?
I gritted my teeth in frustration.
I don't know!
This is what I wanted right?
To kill him???
B-but-. . .
But why am I hesitating?!
More tears flowed down my cheeks, hot and relentless, and I kept blinking to clear my vision, each blink was a futile attempt.
Seriously, what's wrong with me?!
What is it that I truly want?!
Why. . .
Just why is it that I cannot bring myself to do that?
I'm still weak, aren't I? I shouldn't be like this. . .
Why. . .
Why am I always such a mess?!
I wanted to kill him right?!
Right?. . .
"Lucrezia. . ." He called softly again, but I pressed him further into the mattress, muffling any protest he might have uttered.
"I hate you Dakari. . . I hate you so much." I muttered under my breath, each word laced with venom.
". . . I know."
"I hate you so so much." I repeated, releasing him and burying my face in my palms as silent sobs wracked my body.
How could I feel this way?
How could I despise him and yet feel so utterly vulnerable at the same time?
In one swift motion that took me by surprise, Dakari switched our positions. Suddenly, I found myself beneath him— yet strangely enough, I didn't resist. The overwhelming tide of emotion left me too exhausted to fight back.
"Ssh. . . It's going to be okay." He murmured, pulling me up into a gentle embrace.
"Hahaha- I hate y-you so much. . ." The words tumbled out, laced with a mixture of laughter and tears. My voice cracked as I struggled to maintain my composure.
After all the things that has happened, I realized one thing. . . I kept blaming everyone around me but myself.
The anger I directed at Dakari, the frustration I felt toward my situation. . . It was easier to point fingers than to confront the truth lurking around.
I was afraid to face the truth that my father might be a double agent, a traitor to the Russian Mafia and the peace treaty. That's why I despised Dakari for even harboring such thought.
It was so simple to lash out on him that I started doing it out of habit.
True, he was not entirely innocent from all of this.
Still. . .
It doesn't change the fact that everything is my fault.
If I were not carefree and was aware around me in the park, I wouldn't have been almost kidnapped. If it weren't for that fact, I wouldn't be indebted to Dakari for saving me. I wouldn't have been captured and confined by him.
If only I were not like this. . .
Always so rebellious. . .
HAHAHAHA
What if I just came to Dakari willingly as per contract says, right? Maybe I wouldn't have been confined and forced to be here, right?
Things could've been different, couldn't they?
It was just me.
It was my fault that all of this happened. It's all because of the bad choices I made in life.
"Hahahah— fuck. . . I feel like I'm going insane." I sobbed.
I can feel Dakari gently pulling the scrunchie from my hair, letting it fall free from the bun.
As my tears slowly subsided, I remained in Dakari's arms, soothed by his gentle murmurs.
Ten minutes passed. . .
". . . Well?" My voice came out meekly. "Do you have anything to say, Dakari?"
Our positions had shifted, he leaned against the headboard while I lay atop his chest like a child seeking solace from a storm.
I could even hear his heartbeat, it was gentle and rhythmic. Oddly soothing to my ears.
He shook his head slowly and pressed a soft kiss onto my forehead.
A gesture that both comforted and irritated me.
'Gosh, why does he always have to be gentle?. . .' The thought flitted through my mind as exhaustion washed over me. Finally closing my eyes, surrendering myself against him as calm began to settle in. "I hate you. . ."
"I know. . ." He replied softly again, continuing to shower tender kisses upon my head while holding me close despite knowing how much disdain lingered between us.
It's either he's a lunatic or a hopeless romantic.
Either way, his steadfastness was both maddening and endearing, leaving me torn between wanting to push him away and craving his attention. . . 'Wait- crave what now?! No no brain. . . You can't!'
What's happening to me?
. . . . .
"Ms. Viviana, how have you been?" It was Aiden who asked.
I shot him a glare that could cut glass while he cackled like some deranged horse behind me.
We're currently strolling around the estate and apparently, Dakari made these four men follow me around. Both to surveil me and guard me.
I wanted to refuse but he won't allow me to leave the room on my own.
He knows I will try to escape again. In which, I would the moment I was left all on my own.
What got me thinking however is the fact he trusts them a lot to be around me. Wait— what I mean is. . . He trusts their skills that they can handle me. Knowing how strong and agile I am when it comes to fighting. . .
Hmm. . . 'Just how capable are they?' Was my only question at the moment as my curiosity flickered within as I side-eyed Aiden— the ginger who walked backward beside me with an eager grin plastered across his face while waiting for an answer that would never come from these lips again today.
Alas, I can only listen at their ramblings. I still refuse to communicate with them.
"Aiden shut the fuck up. It's 7:00 in the morning man." Mikhail grumbled from behind us, his voice was thick with sleepiness. A clear indication he'd been dragged out of bed far too early for comfort.
Too bad for him.
"Hmm. . ." Laxei merely hummed behind us without contributing anything meaningful.
Upon noticing that I won't respond to Aiden's reply, he shifted his attention to his other companions. Choosing to mess with them instead. "Laxei, what's up man? A penny for your thoughts? It seems like you have a lot in mind." He mischievously asked, wearing a grin on his face.
"I still can't track down my baby." Laxei replied flatly, a hint of desperation lacing his words that caught everyone's attention momentarily.
Hmm. . . His lover or wife perhaps?
"What do you mean you can't?" It was Lev's cold voice who asked. His voice was thick with accent.
I assume he was also following close behind us.
"Yeah, it's impossible you can't. You're literally a specialist in that field." Mikhail chimed in again with incredulity dripping from every syllable spoken aloud now.
Aiden was unusually silent. Normally, he would retort something the moment someone replied to his inquiries but this time, it took him a good minute or two to say something. "It can only mean one thing. . ."
"What?" Mikhail and Laxei asked the same time.
"Someone's hiding her. Could be another mafia family or a secret organization that opposes us mafias." Aiden stated firmly, his tone shifting suddenly serious as if we were discussing matters far beyond mere gossip among friends now.
"That's a possibility." Laxei murmured.
So. . . His woman was able to escape his grasp and disappear into thin air? Now that's something I wish to do right here, right now. However, it sounds impossible for me to pull up that stunt. I'm part of the Italian Mafia and I'm the heir. Wherever I go I'll be recognized and I doubt I'll be granted access in other mafia families without being taken for granted.
"Regardless, it's been too long since she disappeared Laxei. Let her go." Mikhail suggested, his tone was serious now as well.
"Fuck no." Laxei growled fiercely. "Never. Let her go? Over my dead body."
"We don't know if she's even alive out there. You brought her with you wherever you go and the last time you saw her was back in Germany." Mikhail added.
"All the more reason to find my baby. I want her to come back to me, dead or alive." Laxei insisted vehemently.
Well now that shit's scary.
Who knew that Dakari's close assistants are a bunch of lunatics like him?
However, I only pretended I didn't listen and just continued walking slowly. The four followed obediently but they never strayed from their topic.
"You're obsessed with her Laxei," Mikhail said finally breaking through again laced with genuine concern now evident within each word spoken aloud towards their friend nearby still. "Get a grip! You've barely slept thinking about her for days. . . weeks. . . months even! It's surprising you're able carry out boss' orders."
"I'm obsessed because she deserves every bit worth it!" Laxei retorted sharply— their back-and-forth banter escalating ever higher as they continued walking along together.
Aiden interjected once more: "Obsession can be suffocating— it's huge red flag for women— and guess what? You're definitely waving one helluva red flag right now!"
"Shut up, Aiden."
"No seriously. . . Don't you think you should work on containing your obsession and possessiveness?" Mikhail added. "You always dictate everything she does."
"I do not."
"Yes, you do."
"Not."
"Do."
"Fuck you."
"Go to rehab."
"We're a bunch of criminals, do you expect me to walk in on an institution and seek guidance to professionals? Instead of giving me proper advice they might just call the police on me."
"Pssh— as if we can't just break you out." Aiden jokingly said.
Mikhail chimed in, his tone mock-serious. "We can easily break you out. I'll just hack the system and erase our footages from surveillance cameras and corrupt the database so even if they managed to restore the footages from back-ups or whatsoever, it will be damaged and will be deemed useless."
"Or— we can just let you rot in prison." Lev replied nonchalantly, his casual demeanor earning him an incredulous glare from Laxei. Lev merely shrugged in response.
I halted in my tracks, the sudden stillness catching their attention. They paused mid-conversation, turning to face me with expressions that shifted from casual to serious, ready to assist.
"Ms. Viviana? How can we help you?" Aiden asked.
"Tell me about your positions in the Russian Mafia."
"Well. . . Uhmm—"
"For Italians well. . . Aiden Blanche and Mikhail Vassiliev is Dakari's consigliere. While Laxei Sidorov and I, Lev or Leviathan Lyadova are Dakari's caporegimes." Lev explained, ignoring Aiden who just glared at him for cutting him off.
"Hmm. . ." I only hummed and proceeded to turn around to walk again.
They only followed behind.
"Say, Ms. Viviana. . . Why did you ask?" Aiden ventured after several minutes of silence.
"Can't I?" Was my only reply.
To think that Dakari had two consiglieres. . . Tsk. This is going to be real hard to escape with these four men following me around.
I can't even find the person whom I was supposed to meet here secretly. Not that I know who they are whatsoever.
I still struggled to grasp how the Russian Mafia operated. While there were similarities to the Italian Mafia, both differed significantly in structure and code of conduct.
The Italian Mafia operated within a strict hierarchical pyramid with defined roles such as boss, underboss, consiglieres— much like my father did.
Yet I had never met any of my father's underbosses or consiglieres throughout my entire life.
Wait.
What?
Right, I never met any of them. Does father even have one? It's impossible for him to operate the Italian Mafia alone.
Thinking about all of this makes me believe everything Dakari spouted. No matter how much of a nonsense it sound.
Tsk.
The Russian Mafia is less formalized, functioning more as loosely connected networks with greater flexibility and adaptability. It also emphasizes loyalty to the "Thieves' Law" which allows for a more diverse membership without strict ethic requirements.
A huge contrast to the Italian Mafia that is upheld by the code of "Omertà".
"Ms. Viviana, it's time to go back."
I turned to face him, his expression a blend of concern and impatience. "Shut up, Aiden." I snarled, my tone steady yet laced with an undercurrent of irritation.
In the background, I could hear Mikhail's laughter echoing, a teasing remark slipping from his lips. "See? Even Ms. Viviana can't stand your voice."
Ugh. . . Fools.
Their relentless banter was grating on my nerves.
"Y'all are so mean!" Aiden complained, feigning a wounded expression, his eyes wide with mock hurt, as if he were a child denied a treat.
"Stop yapping, Aiden." Lev growled.
Aiden feigned a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest as if struck by an unseen blow. "How could you say such a thing? I'm just trying to bring some joy into our dreary lives!" His words were laced with sarcasm, yet there was an undeniable charm in his delivery that made it hard not to smile.
Foolish twerp.
Tsk.
Maybe. . . Just maybe. . . Staying here wasn't so bad after all?
BANG!
Our heads snapped toward the estate, hearts racing as we froze in place.
The laughter and playful banter faded into an eerie silence, replaced by a tension that hung heavy in the air as we exchanged glances.
Wait— what the fuck? Was that a gunshot just now??. . .