Liam sat in his dorm room, staring at his textbooks without truly seeing them. The pages blurred before his eyes, each word slipping through his consciousness as if they had no weight. His mind kept wandering back to the café—the warm hug from Llyad, the sound of his laugh, the easy way they had slipped back into their old rhythm. It had been everything Liam wanted and feared all at once.
But now, as the hours stretched on, he realized just how much it had unsettled him. Every moment spent with Llyad had unearthed a well of feelings he thought he had buried long ago. The words he'd nearly said—the words he was too afraid to let slip—echoed in his mind. I've always loved you.
That thought was like a fire that could never be put out. Each time he tried to suppress it, it grew, burning hotter. The truth was suffocating, and the closer he got to Llyad, the more difficult it became to breathe.
He had spent so many years hiding these feelings, convincing himself that they were just a fleeting phase, something that would fade with time. But the years hadn't erased them. If anything, the time apart had only solidified them, turning them into something deeper, more undeniable.
Liam glanced at his phone. Another message from Llyad. The screen lit up with a simple question: How's everything going? His heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, he considered replying, considering the possibility of keeping up the connection. But that was too dangerous. What if Llyad had moved on? What if this was all just a nostalgic moment for him, while Liam was still tangled in old feelings?
He quickly turned his phone face down, shoving it into the drawer of his desk. If he ignored it long enough, maybe it would stop mattering.
A knock at the door startled him, and he jumped up, heart pounding. His roommate, Evan, stuck his head in.
"Hey, man, you alright? You've been kind of out of it lately."
Liam forced a smile. "Yeah, just a lot of studying, you know?"
Evan raised an eyebrow. "Right. Well, don't work yourself to the bone. You need a break sometime. You still gonna meet with Llyad this weekend?"
The mention of Llyad made Liam's chest tighten. He had been avoiding it, trying to forget the whole thing, but Evan's casual reference brought it all rushing back. He stood stiffly, trying to hide the nervous energy flooding through him.
"I don't know," Liam said, forcing the words out. "I've been busy, and I don't think I'm in the right headspace for... that."
Evan seemed to study him for a moment, a look of concern flickering across his face. "Look, if you need to talk about it—about him—I'm here. You've been acting weird since that café thing."
Liam's stomach twisted. "It's fine. Seriously." He forced the words out, trying to sound more casual than he felt. "I'm just... adjusting to college stuff."
Evan didn't press the issue, but Liam could feel his eyes lingering as he left the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, Liam let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He leaned against the desk, letting his forehead rest on the cool surface.
What was he doing?
He had promised himself that he wouldn't let his feelings for Llyad interfere with his life. College was his chance to start over, to find his own path without the weight of those unspoken emotions dragging him down. He couldn't afford to let Llyad's presence unravel everything he'd worked for. It had taken years to bury those feelings. He couldn't let one meeting tear everything apart.
But even as he tried to convince himself, the ache in his chest grew sharper. He couldn't stop thinking about Llyad, about the way his voice had sounded when they spoke, how it had felt like no time had passed at all.
A part of him wanted to reach out, to call Llyad and ask to meet again. But that would only make it worse, wouldn't it? It would drag him deeper into a spiral of feelings he couldn't control. The more he saw Llyad, the harder it would be to keep pretending that everything was fine.
Liam spent the next few days avoiding Llyad. He skipped lunch in the campus dining hall when he knew Llyad would be there, and he made sure to take different routes to classes, just in case they crossed paths. He convinced himself that this distance was for the best, that he was only protecting himself. But as the days wore on, he started to feel the weight of his decision. Every message he ignored, every moment he spent looking away, felt like a small betrayal. It was like he was cutting himself off from something he had once cherished.
One afternoon, as Liam was walking to class, he caught sight of Llyad standing near the library, talking to a group of students. His heart skipped a beat. He could feel his breath catch in his throat as his gaze locked onto Llyad. There he was, laughing, his hands gesturing animatedly as he spoke. Llyad's eyes sparkled with the same warmth and energy that had always drawn Liam in.
But instead of walking over, instead of greeting him like he should have, Liam turned on his heel and walked the other way. His heart thudded in his chest as he forced his legs to move, each step pulling him farther away from the person he so desperately wanted to be near.
He reached his class in a daze, his mind racing with guilt. Why was he doing this? Why was he avoiding Llyad when all he wanted was to be close to him again?
He didn't have the answer, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was slipping into something deeper, something that would hurt even more if he let it. He couldn't risk that. He couldn't let himself fall for Llyad all over again.
The following evening, as Liam was finishing a paper in his dorm, his phone buzzed once more. This time, the message was from Llyad. Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. Everything okay?
Liam's fingers hovered over the screen, his heart beating wildly in his chest. The temptation to reply, to tell Llyad that he was okay, to pretend like nothing was wrong, was almost too much to resist. But instead, he just stared at the message, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do.
Finally, after what felt like hours, he deleted the message, put his phone face down, and returned to his work. For now, it felt like the only thing he could do.
But even as he tried to focus, the guilt gnawed at him. Every minute spent avoiding Llyad only made the truth clearer: Liam was running away from something he couldn't control, and no matter how far he tried to distance himself, it was never going to be enough.
And the longer he waited, the harder it would be to admit that the feelings he had buried long ago were still there, waiting to break free.