"Sunny!"
Before she could take off for the academy, she heard a familiar voice calling her name, and she turned to find Nick and Zen standing there looking worried.
"Guys!" She headed over to them. "What are you doing here?"
Nick looked her up and down, as if assessing her for injuries. "We haven't seen you since the barrister. You didn't show up to meet us this morning. We've been worried he might have found out. We've even left messages with the gate guards."
"We were just planning our break in to rescue you," Zen said, pulling her in for a hug before Nick did the same.
"He did find out," she told them.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, for the most part."
"He didn't hurt you?"
"No."
"Good, I wouldn't want to have to kick his arse," Zen pronounced with a baseless sense of confidence.
"Because you'd get killed for the attempt?" Nick asked wryly, earning a half-hearted glare from the other boy.
"Come on," Sun said. "Let's go for a walk."
She still had yet to see much of the town since Perdition had let her off the leash with everything going on.
"You're allowed out?"
"I'm assuming so; no one stopped me."
They started walking down the road at a sedate pace, the boys side-eyeing her now and again.
"What?" She asked.
"You look nice," Nick told her.
"Ah, thank you," she said, hoping she didn't look as awkward as she felt at the compliment. "Kalys hired a handmaid to make sure I don't besmirch the family honour with my face..."
"Hm, speaking of besmirching honour, after the other night the rumour that the three of us are fucking is back in full force," Zen told her. "Heh, you two should be so lucky."
Sun and Nick couldn't help the laugh that escaped them.
"You're breaking our hearts, Zen," she told him with a shake of her head.
"Well, all right, you're my best friends; I guess I could let you have a go."
They laughed again, Nick poking him in the side.
Her laughter died quickly when she remembered the indignity and invasiveness of the virginity testing she'd had to endure. No way was she going to go through that again over this rumour. She couldn't stop the groan that escaped her.
"What is it?" Nick asked.
With a sigh, she told them about the physical she'd had to undergo, flushing in both shame and anger when she recounted the test.
"Fucking hells, he did that to you!?" Zen gasped out.
"A lot of value is placed on a virgo intacta in the nobility," Nick told him, his tone dripping disdain.
"But virginity testing sounds fucked up."
"It felt fucked up," she agreed.
Zen rested a hand on her shoulder. "If you ever need me to make you damaged goods, just say the word."
"Thanks," she drawled. "Taking one for the team, eh?" she laughed. "I'm just worried that with that rumour going around again, he might feel the need to have me tested again. He surprised me the first time, but I'll be ready the next."
She knew fighting it would likely make her life more difficult, but she wasn't going to roll over on that. That had been humiliating, sore, and uncomfortable, and she got the feeling the balding little physician had enjoyed it too much.
"It's not too late to run," Nick suggested once again. "We could just disappear."
"It could be an adventure," Zen agreed.
She wouldn't do that to them; they valued the security here, and none of them really wanted to go back to wondering where their next meal would come from or having to take turns keeping look out at night while the others slept. Living rough was fucking hard.
"It'll be fine. We spoke last night; I think I can make this work."
"But do you want to?" Nick pressed.
"I know none of us want to go back to the streets. Besides, if I ran, I'm pretty sure he'd come looking. And he has far more resources and money at his disposal than we do."
"Really? He'd look for you?" Zen asked.
"Should I be offended by the genuine surprise in that? I'm a goddamn delight," she joked. "But in all honesty, I think it's an honour thing, or a duty thing, a pride thing, I don't know. It wouldn't be about me specifically, if that makes sense."
They nodded, though whether or not they actually understood she didn't know. She couldn't really explain it herself.
"Let's just forget about that mess and do something fun," she pleaded.
-
Zen and Nick knew the town better than she did, and they led her to a playground. It was near the outskirts of town and in one of the less affluent areas. Strangely enough, it was deserted.
"It's empty most of the time," Nick told her.
She had never been to a playground before; they didn't make them in the slums. She had seen one at a distance a long time ago, though, seen the children playing under the watchful gazes of their mothers, carefree and laughing.
That was her first memory of jealousy and the first realisation of just how unfair it was. They'd never gotten to have much of a childhood.
She looked around just to be certain there was no one watching, and then she ran towards the structure, Nick and Zen a step behind her.
They were a bit big but she didn't care; she had always wanted to play on one of these. They climbed the tower; there were a few different ways to get to the top of the slide. Without anyone having said anything they all knew it was a race.
It was dumb and childish, but they were enjoying it. They had more races, they played tag, they tried to launch each other on the seesaw, they laughed with reckless abandon. They did the things they'd never been able to do. In some ways they were more childish now than they had been as kids, now that they had the safety to do so.
While Zen and Nick tried to make each other fall on the wheel, Sun took a seat on one of the swings and watched them with a smile.
They had their fun at the academy, but this was a different kind of fun.
When Zen ran off to play on the flying fox, Nick joined her at the swing. He moved behind her and started pushing.
"You all right?" He asked.
"I'm good," she replied, leaning into the swing to go higher.
"What do you think of this place?"
"I love it. I'm glad there're no kids here."
"Zen thinks next time we come here we should do it drunk."
She laughed lightly. "I would be keen to try that."
"Not sure your brother would be."
"He's not invited anyway."
He kept pushing her higher, and she closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of it. Probably as close to flying as she would ever get.
"Those questions you were asking the other day," Nick began. "It was because of Illusen, wasn't it?"
"Yes," she sighed.
"Why didn't you just tell us earlier?"
He didn't sound mad at least. It wasn't often they kept things from each other, especially big things—life-changing things.
"It might have come to nothing," she shrugged. "I didn't want to worry you guys. I think I've worried you both enough for one lifetime."
She hadn't entirely let go of the guilt of disappearing when they were kids. The worry they'd suffered through when she had just disappeared, the effort they'd had to go through to find out what had happened to her, and the arduous journey to get to Perdition. For two homeless kids with nothing and no one, it had been far from easy. At least when the Revenants had taken her, they'd brought her here by train, and given the way she'd fought them, they'd kept her asleep for most of the journey.
So Sun tried to do what she could to make things easier for the boys in an attempt to make up for the struggles she'd caused them.
"That wasn't your fault, Sunny. Neither of us ever blamed you for it," he told her.
It was a tired old argument. But she had experienced the fear they'd gone through when one of the others disappeared. It was an awful, near paralysing thing when someone you loved just vanished like that. Finding the body later hadn't exactly brought closure either. Just a fresh kind of hell.
"Well, I still stand by what I said. Nothing will ever change it," he said. "You were ours first; you'll always be ours."
"And you guys are mine," she smiled up at him.
-
Over the next week, Sun started to learn her way around the estate and discovered they kept ravens—a whole heap of them, an aviary. Kalys did say the Illusens had a bit of a history with ravens.
Sun also managed to start plans for her corner of the garden during the short breaks her tutors gave her. The boys had gone with her to pick up apple trees and helped her plant them so they would be ready for spring. Zen had gaped at the size of her room and practically shed tears when he saw her bathroom. He still had to share a bathroom with the other boys of Perdition. At first she had been worried she might be breaking some kind of rule bringing them into the estate, but no one had said anything about it until her tutors wanted her to get back to her lessons, then they had to go home.
She had also gotten to know her grandfather a little bit. He would often set aside an hour for them to converse and have tea and cake. He even told her a few stories about Kalys's youth and more stories about her father. It felt strange to hear about a man she had never met but was so closely related to.
During one of these times Kalys had joined them but had only sat silently and listened to them talk. Occasionally she had tried to draw him into the conversation, but his one or two word answers stonewalled her, so she focused on her grandfather. She was actually sad to see him go little more than a week after the horrible dinner. She had given him a hug, which he had returned after his momentary surprise. She had surprised herself just as much, not at the act itself, but that she had done it in front of her brother. He seemed the type to disapprove of open displays of affection.
She had genuinely come to like Jinn. Under that cold exterior was a sharp wit, a dry humour, and a kind heart. She hoped he would visit often. With the way he treated her, she felt like she had an ally.
Sun fell into a routine after that: in the morning, a silent breakfast with her brother, her morning classes at Perdition, lunch with Zen and Nick, her afternoon classes, straight home, where she had her extra lessons. A silent dinner with her brother, then more lessons, then bed. She was also learning how to take over the duties designated to the woman of the house.
Before her, Kalys had been doing everything, and now that she was here, she had to lighten his burden. Her duties weren't too hard, just things like approving the menu and signing off on it so the kitchen hands could go and buy what they needed. No money was allowed to be spent without her or her brothers say so. She was in charge of making sure everyone received their wages; she had been surprised when she saw how much they got paid; it was more than she had expected. She had heard that the Winter Clan was more generous with their servants, not just in wages but also in the way they were treated. It had come as a welcome relief.
She was also in charge of organising the Clans charity work and hosting dinners, and she had to be there to greet any guests to the manor. The main duty of the lady of the house was to provide a male heir, but since she was the heads sister, that would not be her duty. And once Kalys married, Sun would be relieved of all these duties and they would fall to his wife.
It was an exhausting routine with very little free time, and it was wearing her down. She'd barely had any time and energy to read the journal and she was a little relieved Kalys hadn't started her training with him. She wasn't sure she could survive any more lessons crammed into her schedule.
Especially not with the weather turning colder. Every year in the colder months something happened. It was difficult for her to understand; it was almost like the Traverse was trying to push through to the living world. She could hear it. The Traverse had a very distinct sound, one she was intimately familiar with since she was immersed in it every time she slept. It was a strange kind of cracking; there was no rhythm or pattern to it, and there was a sort of whistling but not like from a person or the wind, and she heard it all as if she were under water, complete with the uncomfortable pressure in her ears. Then there were the sounds the inhabitants made—screaming, muttering, yelling, talking. It was annoying when she was awake, impossible to ignore when she was trying to fall asleep. And always in her periphery she could see shadows, shades of the other side.
It always got really bad around midwinter, but eased up once temperatures started to rise. It was the only reason she hated winter.
As she lay in bed that night, she could hear the cracking and distant screams. It was beginning. Though she expected it, her stomach still sank. Sleep was going to be hard to come by for awhile.