**Trigger Warning:** This story contains themes of suicide, anxiety, and mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, please reach out to a mental health professional or a crisis hotline. Stay safe
***
"No.... WHERE IS IT?!!! WHERE?!... WHE... WHERE IS MY PILLS!!!" Panic clawed Clios' heart as he tore his apartment upside down, hands shaking with desperation, with each passing seconds not being able to spot where his pills for anxiety is, his heart beat increases, hysteria slowly wrapping him, "No... Please... I-I.. I need it now," He muttered, his plea Infront of a yanked drawer, with clothes looking like a waterfall from all the searching he did, pens, papers even jewelries littered on the floor, which are trash compared to the salvation he's seeking
"I.. need..." Clios started gasping for air, clenching his chest, he crumbles down almost collapsing on the cold tiles, the weight of anxiety pressing him down like a physical force, the room started to spun around him, the carousel of colors and shape blurring into an indistinct whirlwind, despite this he gathered his strength to look up, a clock staring back like the time is trying to mock him, it was still too early for his girlfriend to be back home, but he needs her now, she always finds his pills for him
"Sei," as he mumbles her name, Clios consciousness slowly fades away...
***
With each lift of Clios' foot upward, his lungs is seemingly strict of releasing his breath, clutching the railing, knuckles white, forcing his legs to carry him higher, the narrow stairwell seems like a dark tunnel towards oblivion, the heavy and thick air doesn't help to calm his thumping chest, instead helping to make him feel like his ribcage is almost breaking from his heart's continuous loud beating
[Almost there]
Seconds of suffering feels like eternity, He just wants to end it all, looking at the small vacant place, he finally reaches the rooftop, vast of wind welcomes him and cityscapes that seems to stretched out before him, a tapestry of light and colors, it was a beautiful sight, a perfect place, but the appreciation was cut short, Clios' cold sweat made him shiver, his heart pounded in his ears, too loud, enough to trigger him
Clios stood at the edge of the rooftop, staring at the void space, seconds away from leaping...
'Should I?' he mumbles, tired and soulless he questions himself if it's worth it to suffer alone in this world
"CLIOS!!!" A voice pierced into his aching heart, Clios turned around, Ah... yes, he remembers he was never alone, staring back at him with her restless eyes, Clios remembered his beacon of hope
"Sei... You finally came home..." Clios smiled at her, but for Sei it made her world stops eerily, his eyes looks dead, Clios is not conscious, he looks awake but that eyes of his never lies, he's not in his right mind,
"Sei?" Clios called, Hesitating to speak, Sei's fumbling to find the right words "Clios, please step down from there,"
"Sei... I couldn't find my pills... It hurts Sei..." Sei felt uncomfortable, Clios was still smiling when pleading, his dead eyes staring at her soul
"Yes... Yes Clios... I have it... Now if you want it please come here..." With her hand extended, Clios grasped it firmly, the anxiety he felt slowly faded away when he drank the pills Sei had with her, seconds is all it takes for the pills to take effect, the bright light eminating from the city is no longer blurry, his bare feet could finally feel the cold concrete
"Sei?" When the light of life returns from his dull eyes, Sei could feel her legs tremble
"Why're we here again Sei? Did I sleep walk again after passing out from the attacks?!" The panic from Clios' face, a familiar cold touch from his hands, and her staring at his eyes reflecting the colorful lights from the city, all of it happens almost every night, it's like a step by step procedure of activity they have to do before sleeping
It's always like this, Clios' anxiety triggers, it's a monster trying to eat his mind away, and to kill it his only way is to seek the edge of the rooftop as the weapon to silence it, always trying to end himself, but he's not aware of that, his actions are all purely his instinct, Sei understood this, all this time she's been hesitating wether to tell him the real reason why he regains his consciousness at this traumatic place... That it was not as simple as because he sleep walked
"Sei?" to hear his gentle voice like nothing happened, Sei's legs collapses from relief, she wants to cry
"Sei! I'm sorry!" She really wants to cry, but how could she when her boyfriend is the one who wants to cry the most, he's not even aware of the thoughts he has on the edge of the rooftop before she appeared barely enough time to save him.... His innocent and worried gaze keeps stabbing her heart
"I'm fine Cli... We're just... You were right, you're just sleep walking again like last night, but you're okay now, You took the pills," Sei released a smile, Clios is too oblivious to even notice that her smile was forced, too oblivious to know that he just tried to kill himself again..
***
"Clios can you look at these photos for me please," Reminiscence therapy, A therapy for people who lost their memories, the day is another day for Clios' session with his therapist, he's been doing this for the past 2 weeks, and there's still no big progress, even with the pills he's taking every day he still couldn't break free from the cage of the anxiety that's been consuming him, the pills were only temporary cure after all
"Can you tell me what you remember about them?"
"Where'd you even get these? Are they somehow related to me?" Clios asked with a hint of suspicion, Looking at the photos the therapist laid in the transparent neat round table, Clios recounted bits and pieces that remained - familiar faces with no names, Disjointed scenes with no context, and suddenly...
"A woman..." A woman appeared
"A woman?" Clios, unaware he mumbled some words, the therapist caught him of guard with her question, the room was engulped with silence, only the clock's soft ticks remain, the sound became hypnotic
"I can't remember her name..." Clios' brow furrowed as images flickered through his mind, a heated argument with a woman, he couldn't see her face clearly but he knows it's contorted with anger, then fear, then a loud noise, then a sudden silence, the weight of confusion made him gasping for air, he's feeling an overwhelming sense of agony
"I-I-I Don't... What is this?" Clios could see a blurry face of a woman, he knows she's a woman, but why the more he tries to see her clearly the more his heart aches
[Who are you?]
"Okay... Okay... Clios... Stay calm honey... I know you want to recover as many as memories you've lost as possible, but it's also important to face them when we know we're ready," with the gentle voice soothing Clios' mind, he tried chasing his breath to calm down, Inhale then exhale
Dr. Manette looks at Clios with empathy, as they delved deeper into his psyche, they uncover tiny bits of puzzle pieces to possibly maybe complete the whole big picture his mind hides from him, but still, hours passed, there's still not even a tiny clue about the woman he saw
"Okay we both know this is not easy, I mean you've been trying real hard since the first day you talked with me, but I'm glad you're making even just a little bit of progress, I'll see you next week,"
"Thank you so much Dr. Manette, I'll see you next week,"
Clios walks out of the room where Dr. Manette stays organizing her papers, he's spaced out with the thought of the woman appearing before him earlier, at first he feels sorrow and guilt, but now he can't help but feel like he cares for that woman, he feels protective of her, but why? He's not even inlove with her, I mean how could he feel 'love' towards that woman when he already had Sei, his beacon of hope, his everything, the woman who's been with him since the day he woke up after his tragic accident
It's been 2 weeks since that happened
***
"ios... Clios?... Are you alright?" Clios looked up to meet Sei's eyes, he forced a smile to ease her worries, "Yeah?" Sei sighs, she realizes she's been chatting non stop with someone who's not even listening,
"How's the food?" Sei asked
"It's delicious, you know I enjoy every meals you make," words with flattery, it's been so long since the last time she heard her boyfriend compliment her, her cheeks flushed when she saw him staring at her with eyes full of love, she almost cried...
"Y-Yeah? Well then I'll try cooking more for you,"
"Thank you... But I know you're busy with work, so it's okay even when we eat take outs,"
"Come on, you know I'd do anything for you Cli... You can buy me jewelries when you find the job that's best for you, You know I love jewelries,"
"Of course I would do that even if you don't cook for me every night, I will get that job to spoil you," Sei Giggles while Cutleries clutters as they enjoy the conversation
"When's your interview again?"
"Tomorrow, I'm meeting the manager at 2pm, I hope I'd finally get a job,"
"Of course you will,"
"I'll take home good news tomorrow,"
"Of course you will," Sei smiles, A peaceful night, it's been just 2 weeks but she felt like it's been so long since Sei felt serenity in her heart, no pain tonight, no cold strong wind that welcomes her whenever she opens 'that' door, no deafening loud pounding sounds coming from her chest, and no scene of Clios' back almost ready to jump beneath a dark alley in front of a colorful and beautiful city
***
From the dead silence that surround Clios' apartment, a knock from the front door woke him up from his deep slumber, glancing at the alarm clock standing on top of his table, he wants to go back to sleep, it's still six in the morning, he doesn't know why, but last night he slept peacefully, does the therapy finally helped him? is it finally proving it's effect? Clios tried hugging someone beside him but an empty space received the hug, right, Sei's work starts at five am
"Clios are you there?" A familiar voice from the other side of the door
Groggy and disoriented Clios stumbled to the door, he found himself staring at the eyes of the old lady who's been his neighbor ever since he moved into the apartment with Sei
"Did you come back safely last night? I saw you walking to the rooftop barely standing straight,"
"Oh... That... Yeah Granny, I came back safe, I was sleep walking, luckily my girlfriend always follows me there to help me wake up," Clios laughed hesitantly to cover his embarrassment
"I didn't know you had a girlfriend," the old lady jokingly commented, her eyes smiled, it was a smile that's full of warmth, even as an elderly, Mrs. Veloforte radiates young vibes because of her energy
"Yeah... Her name is... Her name...is..." Clios stopped mid sentence, his mind went blank
"Sorry what was I saying?" Clios' voice trailed off as he search for a name in his mind, a face, any memory of the girlfriend he was talking about, but there was nothing - no recollection of her at all, Mrs. Veloforte looked at him with concern, her eyes reflecting his face in shock and confusion
"I...I-I... don't remember..."
.