The day of departure arrived, cloaked in a haze of mixed emotions. Huo Yi stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection. He adjusted his collar and brushed a hand through his hair, trying to muster the confidence he desperately needed. Beneath the surface, however, his heart raced with uncertainty. Today marked the beginning of an adventure—one that would take him away from the familiar comfort of Liang Chen.
He picked up his phone, hesitating for a moment before dialing Liang Chen's number. His heart pounded in his chest, each ring echoing his anxiety. When Liang Chen finally answered, Huo Yi felt a surge of hope.
"Hey," Liang Chen's voice came through the line, casual yet warm, and Huo Yi couldn't help but feel a flutter in his stomach.
"Hey, it's me," Huo Yi replied, forcing a casual tone. "Just wanted to let you know I'm leaving today for the clinical rotation."
"Oh, right," Liang Chen said, a hint of distraction in his voice. "Safe journey, Huo Yi."
The words, although kind, felt like a cold splash of water. Huo Yi's heart sank at the casualness in Liang Chen's tone. "Thanks," he replied, his voice barely masking the disappointment that twisted in his chest. They had shared so much, yet this felt so distant, like a wall had suddenly gone up between them.
As he ended the call, Huo Yi couldn't help but laugh mockingly at himself. He stepped outside, the morning air cool against his skin, but it did little to quell the warmth of sadness that settled in his chest. He had expected something more—a spark, a flicker of longing in Liang Chen's voice—but all he got was indifference. It was just another reminder that he had made a choice to keep his feelings hidden, to prioritize a façade of lust over the vulnerability of love.
Walking to the bus stop, Huo Yi tried to shake off the dark cloud hanging over him. He reminded himself of his resolve: to embrace this journey, to focus on his studies and professional growth, and to keep his emotions in check. It was easier this way, wasn't it? He wouldn't have to face the pain of rejection again, or the risk of baring his heart only to have it trampled on.
At the bus stop, he spotted Jing Wei standing to the side, her arms crossed and a teasing smile on her lips. She had insisted on seeing him off, her presence a small comfort amidst the storm of his thoughts.
"Look who's all dressed up!" she called out, her voice light and playful. "Going to meet your future patients in style, are you?"
Huo Yi chuckled, grateful for her attempt to lighten the mood. "Well, someone has to impress the kids, right?" he joked, forcing a smile. "Just make sure to eat something good while I'm gone. Don't starve, okay?"
Jing Wei rolled her eyes, but there was a warmth in her expression. "You know I can take care of myself, Huo Yi. Just focus on your rotation and don't get too caught up in the hospital drama."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll keep that in mind," he replied, his smile wavering slightly as he glanced at the bus that was now pulling up.
As his classmates began to gather, Huo Yi felt a pang of loneliness wash over him. It wasn't just the prospect of leaving Jing Wei behind, but the reality of not having Liang Chen by his side. He wanted to share this experience, to have someone who truly cared about him cheering him on. But instead, he was going into this new chapter alone, armed with nothing but his hidden feelings and the determination to keep them buried.
The bus doors opened, and Huo Yi felt the familiar pull of anxiety. He turned back to Jing Wei, trying to mask the emotion swirling inside him. "Take care of yourself, okay? And don't let anyone give you trouble."
"I'll be fine," she assured him, her eyes sparkling with encouragement. "Just promise to text me when you can."
"I promise," Huo Yi said, his voice steady, even though he felt the cracks forming beneath his carefully constructed mask. With a final wave, he stepped onto the bus, taking a seat by the window.
As the bus pulled away, Huo Yi glanced out at Jing Wei, her figure becoming smaller in the distance. He fought the urge to let his emotions surface, to wave back and let her see the weight pressing on his heart. Instead, he took a deep breath and faced forward, willing himself to focus on the journey ahead.
As the bus rolled on, the chatter of his classmates filled the air, but Huo Yi felt a disconnection from it all. They were excited, eager to start this new chapter, while he wrestled with the unrelenting ache in his chest. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was running away from something—someone—important, but he pushed it aside, determined to hold fast to his resolve. He would keep his feelings hidden, and perhaps, in doing so, he could find a way to heal.
As the bus moved further away from campus, Huo Yi stared out the window, watching the scenery change from familiar streets to the sprawling countryside. Trees whizzed by, their leaves shimmering in the sunlight, but he felt detached from the beauty around him. His mind was elsewhere—lost in thoughts of Liang Chen and the unspoken feelings that lingered between them like a shadow.
His classmates chatted animatedly, discussing their upcoming rotations and sharing stories from their previous experiences. Laughter erupted from the back of the bus, but Huo Yi felt as if there was an invisible barrier separating him from their joy. He smiled politely when someone nudged him for his opinion, but inside, he was a whirlwind of emotions, the weight of his secret pressing down harder with each passing moment.
He recalled their intimate moments together—Liang Chen's touch igniting fires within him, the warmth of their bodies intertwined. Yet, with each memory, the bitter taste of longing settled in his throat. He had chosen this path, had convinced himself that pretending their relationship was merely physical would somehow shield him from the pain of deeper feelings. But the truth was, he felt more for Liang Chen than he cared to admit.
As the bus approached their destination, Huo Yi took a deep breath and attempted to steady his racing heart. The instructor's voice broke through his thoughts, calling everyone's attention to the upcoming itinerary. Huo Yi listened half-heartedly, his mind drifting back to the morning's call. The simple "safe journey" replayed in his head like a haunting melody, each repetition deepening his resolve to keep his emotions in check.
Finally, the bus pulled into the hospital parking lot, and Huo Yi felt a flutter of excitement mixed with anxiety. This was a chance for him to grow, to learn, and to prove himself. But as he stepped off the bus and caught sight of the imposing building ahead, a wave of uncertainty washed over him. He forced a smile as he joined his classmates, but deep inside, he knew the real challenge lay not within the walls of the hospital, but in facing the truth of his heart.
"Let's go!" one of his classmates shouted, breaking Huo Yi from his thoughts. He fell in line, moving toward the entrance, but his heart lingered in the past, tethered to Liang Chen. With every step, he reminded himself of his choice—to bury his feelings, to prioritize his education, and to focus on the future.
As they entered the hospital, the sterile smell of antiseptic and the sounds of hurried footsteps filled the air. Huo Yi felt the energy shift around him; the excitement of embarking on their clinical experience mingled with the weight of his hidden emotions. He took a moment to gather himself, closing his eyes briefly to center his thoughts.
But even as he prepared to dive into his studies, he couldn't shake the feeling that every moment spent away from Liang Chen would only serve to amplify his longing. He was embarking on a journey of self-discovery, but without Liang Chen by his side, he felt like he was navigating an unfamiliar path shrouded in fog. Would he find clarity in this new experience, or would it only deepen the ache of what he had lost?
With resolve firming in his heart, Huo Yi stepped into the hospital, ready to face whatever lay ahead, even if that meant confronting the feelings he desperately wanted to keep hidden.