"You seem eager for today's lesson." Garren said with a chuckle, eliciting a wide grin from me as I nodded consecutively.
Garren lightly shook his head, a light laughter escaping his lips.
"Alright," he mutters, grabbing onto a stone.
I raised a brow.
What does he want to do with a stone? But knowing Garren. He was always able to make out something interesting. Fascinating even, out of where he least places his expectations on.
So...I calmly waited in anticipation.
Garren smiled, a glint of affection flashing across his eyes for a second there.
"What will happen if I let go of this rock?"
Garren questioned, his white crooked teeth reflecting in my pupils.
I frowned slightly.
What sort of question is this? Isn't the answer clear enough. But still, I answered.
"It will probably fall."
"Probably?" Garren mutters with a raised brow, "You sound like a sophist, boy. Hasn't it always fallen before."
"Well, it has." I replied, forcing a smile.
"Okay. How well do you believe it."
"Not very well?"
I replied, eliciting a light frown from Garren.
"Alright. Do you believe in the Gods?"
"No," I replied, my cold voice slicing through the desolate silence.
Why should I believe in their existence. Although Garren had told me...no had written about a few of this so-called Gods. Yet the cold, and harsh truth still remains. It still clung to my heart like a foreboding mist, refusing to clear. It twisted and crept into the walls of my mind.
Twisting and wrapping it into something else entirely.
I don't believe in the so-called Gods.
And why should I believe?
I had called out to them numerous times, yet they had all refused to pay heed to my calls.
Why!! Why had they all refused?
Tears welled in my eyes, my hands tightly clenched as i stared at the cobblestones beneath my feet.
"Aioo," Garren sighed, lightly patting me on the head. "It's okay if you don't believe in them."
"Is it?" I questioned, raising my eyes to meet with that of Garren's.
Garren nods in acknowledgement, throwing a light smile at me.
I forced a smile in return.
"Alright. If you don't believe in the Gods. Then who or what do you believe in, then?" Garren questioned, lightly ramming his fingers together. The sound creating an oddly satisfying rythm, that soothed the mind of those who heard it.
Who do I believe in?
I asked no one but himself and perhaps, the endless void within me. My eyes were laced with a tinge of confusion as i repeated the words over and over again.
Gradually, clarity gnawed at me, clawing at me with each breath i took.
"Myself. I believe in myself!"
Garren first taken by surprise, didn't know how to react. But soon, he bursted into a loud laughter. "Good. Good, Dean!"
I smirked.
While Garren carresed my head lightly. A surge of strange currents coursed through me as a strange warmth enclosed my body.
That strange feeling, i couldn't really describe it in words. Only that it felt great and i wanted it to last forever.
I couldn't also describe the feelings i had for Garren. To me, Garren isn't just a mentor. He isn't just a friend.
To me, Garren is a mentor. A friend. A family even.
In this cursed world of unending agony. Old Man Garren was all i had got.
"Now. I want you to believe this rock will float away. Believe it with a faith that will move mountains and shake trees."
"But it won't." I said as a matter of fact.
After all, i can't call upon the wind like Garren could.
"That's the thing. You have to believe it will. Now, get to work boy." Garren replies, a light laughter escaping his lips.
I sighed.
Grabbing onto the rock. Just like Old Man Garren had told me. I willed my Arcana into believing the stone would really fall and float away like a bird soaring through the heavens.
I still remembered when i had asked Garren about how he had called upon the wind in one of his battle against a supernatural creature. Old Man Garren had said he had made use of his Arcana.
According to Garren. Arcana is the force through which belief itself becomes tangible, a system through which belief becomes a powerful force. I had asked Garren, on which premise does Arcana operates on. And Garren had given a simple yet astounding answer. Arcana operates on the premise that belief has weight- when people believe in something strongly enough. It becomes real or at least, it gains the power to manifest in the physical world.
Such power seemed so untouchable and omnipresent to me. Old Man Garren had seen this and had chuckled.
You don't really think that Arcana doesn't have its limits right. I had shaken my head. For it didn't seem to have one and Old Man Garren had chuckled at my ignorance.
Like all things in this world. Be it Arcanists- people who wield Arcana, to Espers and Transcenders. Everything in this world has its limit. For Arcana- the strength of your belief must be consistent and unwavering and it often takes time for reality to "bend" to one's belief. Additionally, doubts or fears can weaken the power of Arkana, causing failures or even backfiring.
I had asked Garren about transcenders and espers. But he had refused to talk on them. He had simply said I would know when the time was right.
When exactly is that time? I had thought.
As those scenes flashed past my eyes, I focused my Arcana. I willed my Arcana to belief the stone would float. Beads of pespirations started to surface on my forehead, yet nothing changed.
Realization soon struck me, my eyes sparkling in enlightenment.
"It won't float." I muttered, conviction flickering within my eyes.
"Good. It won't. Never fool yourself into perceiving things that don't exist. Now, continue."
"B-ut..." My voice trailed off under Garren's glare as i returned to the exercise.
A few minutes easily clocked by, and my cloth was now soaked in sweat, beads of pespiration surfacing upon my forehead at a breathtaking pace.
Garren nods his head, his old, almost ancient voice slicing through the air:
"Arkana is the cornerstone of Sympathy. If you're going to impose your will on the world, you must have control over what you believe."
Not only that, but for that day. He also taught me a game called seek the stone. The point of the game was to have one part of your mind hide an imaginary stone in an imaginary room. Then you had another, separate part of your mind to find it.
I had done it and had looked for the stone for days, refusing to give up. But eventually, desperation gave in and i had given up. Asking my mind where i had hid the stone. Only to find out that i hadn't actually hidden it, i had simply wanted to know how long it would take me to give up.
I was both surprised and shocked.
Have you ever been surprised by yourself. You might not have. But for me, the answer was yes.
Yes, I had definitely been astonished, bewildered even.
There and then, I had laughed like there was no tomorrow.
Surprised yet astonished at myself.
It was no wonder Old Man Garren had said most if not all Arcanists are downright eccentric in nature. Because just like Garren had said:
Arcana is not for the weak-minded!