"Yo Jude! Fix this up for me man, I know you can do it. Right?"
I can't quite remember his name... Was it Archie? Well, not like it matters anyway, this guy only talks to me when he needs something done - I wish I could leave this job for good and get away from him.
"Yeah, I'll do it in a sec, I just need to finish up my report fir-"
- "Nahhh... I think you should do mine first? I know you can do it. Right? There's no need to hesitate so much Jude."
"I think you should do your own work you lazy c@!#" Is what I would say. However, I'm not daring enough to get chewed out by both him and the manager. Besides, if I did somewhat retaliate, this goliath jerk would knock the lights out of me - maybe if I were 195cm and 120kg and I guess an MMA fighter? Nah who am I kidding, I'm a pacifist! Therefore, I'll resolve this with my words...
"Uhhh, Archie.. I really can't do this. I have my own work that I have to complete today. You can ask other people - other than me..?"
- "Haha of course Jude! Why didn't I think of that?" his tone felt sarcastic and sharp.
- "Actually I did! But, I already got turned down so.."
"So?"
- "I'm telling you to do it. Or, you can kiss my feet whenever we bump shoulders."
"Archie, look, I'm not doing either of tho-"
- "Hahhhh. Look. Do You really think anyone here gives a s#@] about you Judeeee? Should I remind you of something?"
His expression and tone aren't sarcastic anymore, it's like his vision is piercing through my skull and he hasn't even blinked once. Every word that flowed out, he meant with sincerity and full conviction.
- "You're my lap dog, Judeee."
"I'm sorry, wha-"
- "Shut your mouth before I f#@!ing tear your jaw off" (...) "When I tell you to do something, you do it, no questions asked because you, you poor excuse of a human are a stain in the work area."
"Calm down for a-" my lip twitched and I almost caught my tongue with my teeth.
- "Wanna know what people in the office think about you Jude?" (...) "They internally puke at the sight of you"
Ah.. This feeling again, it feels familiar and nostalgic. I'm sweating and disassociating again from what's in front of me: it feels so suffocating. Please, just let me go.
- "A gloomy b#@!*d like you, just ugh, it makes the air here unbearable?!" (...) "Like how can a guy like you seriously walk in here and make the mood turn a whole 180. Genuinely, how are you so talented at making people wanna feel so distant from you? Do you emit some type of pheromone or what?"
"Fine." (...) "I'll do what you want."
- "Good boy." (...) "See? You won't get berated like that if you just do what I say from the beginning. Oh yeah, my work will probably take up some of your break time. No rush okay. Take as much time as you want."
I hate that smirk. I hate this feeling of familiarity whenever I'm looked down upon.
Why couldn't I do anything in that situation? Why do I always stiffen when something like that happens. I thought I had gone past that experience and finally found a purpose to pursue and devote myself in this job. Can I really never overcome this feeling...
This feeling of worthlessness, can I never escape that man's expectation of me? Am I really as insignificant as they all say I am...
I'll prove you wrong. I'll pour my everything into my work and show you all, that I really am someone. I won't rest in your palms - I will shatter your concept of me and show my worth!
...
Phew, this took so long to complete, but I can finally give back Archie's work..
I think he sits near the entrance to the manager's office?
"Archie? I came back to give you the work."
I'm guessing he clocked out already, speaking of which, I didn't even realise but almost everyone had already clocked out.
"Guess I'll just leave this here."
- "Ah, perfect timing."
"Hm?" the manager is still here.
- "Jude, I would like to talk to you about your report"
"Wait, right now?"
I totally forgot!!! I was so fixated on Archie's that I forgot to complete my own!
- "Yes, right now. Come into my office."
...
I've been in his office every now and again to submit physical hand-copies of my reports that I've almost memorised the small details of it. Like how the minute hand on the clock is delayed by 2 minutes, and how the coffee stain on the floor still remains. Other than my own desk, I have memorised this place as well.
"I'm going to be completely honest Jude, your work ethic has been severely poor over the past few weeks."
Huh?
"You not only have missed this deadline, but others as well. Continuous and repeated failure to meet work deadlines has caused a toll in our department."
- "Wait, I have been working at a satisfactory level."
"Unfortunately, that has not been the case. On several occasions, you have entered my office in order to submit work that was way past their deadline." (...) "This level is undeniably appalling within our standards."
- "I.."
"After deep consideration I have had to conclude your status in this company."
Huh?
- "Wait Mr Payne! May I at least get a say in this matter?"
"... You may."
- "I have been working up to standard. I have met the deadlines. You can check the submition dates and it does show you that I have. I even excel beyond that level sir." (...) "I have helped my colleagues ass well, with there work!" (...) "Please reconsider your final verdict."
There was a short silence that followed. A painful one at that. Both me and the manager just sat fixed in position, but I wasn't sat fixed with a dead-set resolve like him. Yet again I feel anxious - my eyes they won't stop twitching. I keep sweating and my vision keeps blurring, I could vaguely draw out the silhouette of the office as my mind raced hoping for maybe once in this life I had lived, could my fate be off-set to something more liveable...
"After careful consideration, and after monitoring and reviewing the work you have produced..."
But on the off-chance...
"Mr Watkinson, the decision had already been finalised."
Just please... Please, shed me a light of hope...
"As of today,"
Unfortunately,
"You are no longer working for us. You're fired."
I guess my fate is already set in stone...
...
I wish I could get a chance to live a life I can be proud of...