Saturdays are usually very enjoyable for me but not today. It's the weekend and I'm always happy for the little break away from lectures and lab work. When there is a match, I'm even more excited, but today, I just want to stay in my bed. Today is one of those low moments, that has me in a poor mood, which is usually a result of anxiety or being broke. Today, though, is due to the call I had with Olaitan last night. We talked a lot, and then we started this 'getting to know each other game', the one hundred questions. She asked about my grades, and I told her the truth. Unfortunately, she was disappointed. She didn't even hesitate to say it.
I've only felt this way about my grades once, and that was when I went to collect my transcript.
The lecturer, Dr. Olayinka, gave me a condescending look while explaining to me in the presence of others how bad my grades were. He could have given me my transcript silently without the scathing comments, but I guess he wanted to look good while staring me down.
That day, I had thought the worst of myself, telling myself how useless I was. I was having anxiety then, and that only added to my self-loathing. Somehow, I managed to come out of my dark place and decided to do better. I've been putting in more work and thinking positively ever since, basically reverting to my usual self.
Last night, those dark feelings came rushing like water from a broken dam after the call. The thoughts only got worse coupled with anxiety.
"She's probably one of those girls who wouldn't want to be around people with poor grades like me."
"I'm sure she deleted my number last night after the call."
"Can I even get a woman to like me with how poor my grades are?"
"That's wishful thinking Kwesi. No one would want to be with a bum like me." I thought to myself.
"I keep telling myself I'm not a loser, but that's all a lie I tell myself to feel good. I'm probably the biggest loser out there..."
"Kwesi! Kwesi!" A voice came jolting me from my pitiful state.
I looked up to see TY looking at me. Apparently, he'd been calling me, but I was too lost in myself.
"How far? I don dey call your name since, wetin you dey think sef?" He asked with concern.
"I'm good bro," I answered.
"You sure? 'Cos you've been moody all morning." He pressed.
"Nothing serious bro," I replied.
"Okay. If you say so. It's almost time for the match. Prepare, let's be on our way to the pitch."
"Oh, right!" I said as I started arranging my football kit.
Checking my phone, it was 9 am already. The match was by 10:30 am, and by 9:30 am, we should be at the pitch warming up for the match.
I contemplated taking my phone along to play songs that matched my mood, but I wanted to charge, so I left it at home and just went to the pitch, hoping my mood wouldn't interfere with my performance.
I came back from the match feeling even more frustrated. I had made several tactical errors during the match. Thankfully, my partnering center back had covered for me, but there was only so much he could do as one of my errors led to a goal against us. The match ended in a 2 - 2 draw. The second goal against us was a penalty caused by yours truly. I managed to play the full match because we were short on defenders. Besides, they'd rather have their best center-back with bad form in the game than someone else who wouldn't do better.
My teammates kept asking me what was wrong, I'd never played so badly before, and this was a tournament we'd applied for. It would be terrible if we lost just because I was having girl issues.
When I got home, it was 12:40 pm. I dropped my pile of dirty kit in the passage while I went to have my bath.
After bathing, I dressed up in some loose shorts and a shirt. I picked up my food which D1 had served already. Since he didn't come for the match, he cooked and served our food. It was a jollof spag with egg.
Taking my food to my bed, I picked up my phone to check the department football team WhatsApp group for the expected chastisement about my terrible performance, and also give my apologies.
The first thing that caught my eye was the six missed calls. Two had been from my Mom, one from my Dad, and three from Olaitan.
The ones that had my attention were the ones from Olaitan. The last call from her was recently, about 10 minutes ago. That means she had called while I was in the bathroom.
My heart started to race while trying to think of the many reasons she could have called me after last night.
"Calm down Od茅, call your parents first, before you start worrying about what she has to say. They're your parents for crying out loud."I thought to myself.
With a sigh, I called my Mom.
"Hello, Mommy."
"Kw茅s铆, how are you?" My Mom calls my name with the dialect intonation, just like it should be pronounced.
"I'm fine Mommy. How's Dad and everyone at home?"
"They're fine. How's school? I hope you're going to church?"
"School is fine, and yes I'm going to church." While I don't go to church as often as do when I was in Lagos, I still go on Sundays.
"Your sister's introduction is this December, so make sure you come back home at the end of the semester."
"Oh! Okay, I will." I replied with a small smile.
"Daddy called me also. Is he there?" I asked
"I was the one who called you with his phone. I'll send you something later in the day when your sister comes back from work."
"Thank you very much, Mommy." A full smile made its way up my face.
"Bye. Take care of yourself."
"Yes, I will. You, too, take care of yourself. My regards to Daddy and Ruth."
"Okay." And the line went dead.
Suddenly, my sour mood was better. I don't call my Mom often, maybe once or twice a month, but most times when we talk, I'm usually glad about it, just like today.
I opened my Whatsapp and clicked the first pinned chat, forgetting about the apology I was to give to my teammates.
"Good morning Kwesi
I've been trying to reach you all day.
I know we said goodbye on a sour note yesterday and I'm sorry about that."
"It hasn't left my mind since and I want us to trash it out.
I'd like us to meet this evening at Heritage Park if you're free."
"Why don't we just talk about it here?" I asked. She replied 2 minutes later.
"I need to know if the decision I've made is the right one and to know that, I have to see you."
"Okay. We'll see this evening by 4 pm, same place." I replied.
"I'd have liked to keep chatting with you, but I feel so tired right now, so I have to get some sleep."
"Okay, sleep tight."
"Sleep tight Kwesi, and don't be late." She replied
With that, I set an alarm for 3 pm alongside a reminder for 4 pm. I closed my eyes, thinking about the decision that made her want to see me as I drifted off to sleep.