I stood outside Andromeda's door, my thoughts tangled, the events of the day playing over and over in my mind, leaving a gnawing unease behind.
Confusion. That was all I felt. Had I ever really known who I was? I'd always thought I did, but now, after everything that had unfolded, I wasn't so sure. Was the person I thought I was just a role I had been playing? Like an actor who forgets they're on stage? It felt like I'd lost a part of myself, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed that part had never really existed at all. I had never been 'Harry Potter.' Nor had I ever thought I was meant to be. Was Caius really who I was? Or was I supposed to be someone else entirely?
I exhaled, my fingers grazing the cold door handle. The confusion was still there, but underneath it, a quiet realization was creeping in. Maybe there was no need to overthink it.
Maybe this was who I was. Not some carefully crafted persona or some grand ideal, but simply... me. I believed in what I believed in because I had come to understand it. Not because it had been handed to me, not because I was supposed to. It was who I had become, whether I'd planned it or not.
There was no point in searching for someone else, for an ideal version of myself. The more I tried, the clearer it became. I couldn't be anyone but who I was. I wasn't some chosen figure, destined for greatness. There was no grand design behind me. No magical twist to make everything clear. There was only this.
I wasn't going to change it. No point in wishing for it. The world had its rules, its games, and I was one of its players. I had no choice but to accept the role, no matter how much I questioned it. It was mine now. And the sooner I accepted it, the sooner I could move forward.
With purpose. With certainty.
I knocked on the large wooden door. My hand steady and firm. Now was the time for action, not wallowing in confusion.
I heard the light sound of footsteps echo from beyond the door before it creaked open. Andromeda was standing there, framed by the light coming from inside. She looked radiant in her elegant black dress which tastefully showed off her curves and assets and the slight air of authority made her seem all the more magnetic. Her face was warm and comforting and it felt like the turmoil inside was starting to melt away.
"Come in" she said, her voice low but inviting.
I stepped in and we made our way into the sitting room. On the way there we exchanged some pleasantries and right as we arrived inside she turned around and looked at me right in the eyes with a pause.
Her expression softened slightly I felt like I saw a slight flicker of understanding in her eyes.
"You seem a little preoccupied" she noted. "Care to tell me what's on your mind?"
I hesitated slightly. "It's nothing serious" I started, but realized that wasn't exactly truthful. I took a second to gather my thoughts. I wanted to tell her. She was the person I was closest to. In a way that made me sad, but it also made me want to trust her.
"Just… thinking about the path I'm on. Wondering if it's where I really should be or if I've just tricked myself into thinking it should be." I said
Andromeda took a second to think about what I said. She stepped closer to me and put her hands around me. Our faces just inches from each other.
"You question yourself more than you let on." She said. Her tone light but with a hint of something deeper behind her words. "But there's no shame in embracing who you are, Caius. You're on this path because it suits you. That much I know."
Her words settled over me and helped ease my mind. I was beginning to feel more like myself again. More certain. Perhaps she was right. The questions and doubts were always there, but that didn't mean I had to let them control me.
I took a deep breath and straightened up, shaking off the lingering unease. I looked deep into Andromeda's eyes and found a myself admiring them even more than before.
"You're right, no point in pretending to be something I'm not." I said with finality. I kissed her deeply, pouring all the appreciation and care I held for her into it. After several seconds I managed to stop, just barely.
Andromeda gave me a small smile full of affection. Then after a few second she turned toward the door.
"Good, now let's stop wasting time with these endless thoughts. Dinner awaits." She said
With a slight nod, we walked to the door. She raised her wand and apparated us. It was slightly nauseating as always but I had grown used to it.
We were standing outside a sleek and elegant looking restaurant that was just off Diagon alley. The restaurant was the type where only the richest and most powerful of the wizarding world got in. Getting a reservation required some type of noble title or at least a guarantee from one. And if that didn't drive most regular people away than the prices certainly would.
We entered the restaurant, the polished floors glimmering beneath the soft chandelier light. The place screamed wealth, it was elegant, refined, and seemingly untouched by time. Andromeda seemed to take it in, the air of familiarity sweeping over her. Her eyes lingered on the details - the delicate china, the polished wood, the hushed voices. It was a world she'd once known all too well.
A waiter arrived and led us to our table. A quiet and intimate part of the restaurant where we were afforded at least some privacy from prying eyes. Still the whispers started, soft at first but constantly growing. People gossiping about the new arrival in town, about who I was with, the Slytherin name following us, trailing through the air. Andromeda seemed to bask in the attention. There was no surprise in her eyes, only a slight smug turning of her lips when she saw the other ladies of the restaurant giving her slightly hostile glances.
We sat, but the room still hummed with quiet speculation. The waiter gave us the menus and made their suggestions. We ordered our food and wine. A bottle that was older than both of us combined. And it wouldn't be the only one tonight.
Slowly but surely our discussion turned from small talk to more serious topics. I asked about a topic I knew would be sensitive, but which I couldn't help but be curious about.
"You know, I don't know much about your family. The Black's I mean. I've certainly heard a great deal but who knows what's actually real." I said with a slightly searching yet gentle tone.
Andromeda's face seemed to fall slightly and I wondered whether I had made a mistake. She took a second to collect herself and then spoke.
"Yes, I don't tend to talk about them much… and well you know why. But it's probably for the best I tell you, since we are quite close." She said with a hint of hesitation in her voice.
"As you know I was cast out of the family, right after graduating Hogwarts. After that I've had almost no contact with them, if you exclude meeting Cissy at that ball." She seemed to let go of whatever reservations she had about talking about them.
"That being said I was never particularly close to most of my family. I was raised by them of course but… well my parent's weren't exactly the most caring. I was quite close to my sisters, at least before Bella lost her mind. I also spent a lot of time with my grandparents, they taught me a lot. About our history, culture, magic."
She sighed. I could tell the topic was making her feel quite down. Reminiscing on everything she had lost. But she continued none the less.
"And then there was Sirius" She said with a light laugh. It seemed bittersweet.
"He was such a troublemaker and quite frankly annoying, but I could tell he had a good heart."
"Really?" I questioned, somewhat shocked. Sirius Black was notorious for being a betrayer and a murderer. "I wouldn't have imagined that. Knowing what happened with the Potters" That thought made me feel a slight pang of pain in my chest. If it wasn't for him my parent's might still be here.
"Can I be honest about something?" Andromeda asked after hearing what I said.
"Of course." I responded, curious about what she had to say.
"I never believed what they said about him." Andromeda said with a firm voice. "He was always the most caring and friendly of us. He hated the family, his name and the responsibility that came with it. The Potters were more family to him than anyone. And because of that… I have some genuine doubt about his guilt." Andromeda said with a sigh, she took a sip of wine and looked at me, trying to gauge my reaction.
That made me start to reconsider some things. After all, it wasn't like I knew the man, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time the ministry did something incompetent and stupid.
"Something to look into…" I muttered, more to myself than to her.
There was a pause in conversation. I picked up my wine glass, swirled the contents around and drank it down, then poured more in.
"So…" Andromeda began, a slight knowing look in her eyes, "How did your dinner with the Greengrasses go?"
"It went quite well. But that was to be expected." I said, slightly on guard. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was headed.
"So you'll be getting a sent a betrothal agreement soon then?" Andromeda said with a sharpness in her tone.
"It's possible, Daphne is similar in age and they want me as an ally…" I said, knowing there was no point in lying.
"I knew both Edmund and Selene in Hogwarts. They've always been obsessed with securing their legacy, maintaining their lineage and such. So I suspect it'll be soon." She said with a neutral tone. I was slightly worried, I was already well aware of what she was saying, but her tone left me confused about her feelings on the matter.
"It is quite a strange world we live in. Where a betrothal is nothing more than a convenient transaction, a way to ensure power flows in the right direction. It doesn't mean love. It doesn't mean closeness… but you don't need me to tell you that." She sighed with a hint of sadness.
I chose to simply sit and listen quietly. I understood what she meant. I had seen enough to know that love was often a luxury, not a requirement.
Andromeda took a slow sip of her wine, her eyes distant, thoughtful. The flickering candlelight played across her features, casting soft shadows that danced along her cheekbones.
"It's funny," she said after a moment, her voice low, contemplative. "In pureblood society, mistresses have always had their place. Quietly acknowledged, rarely spoken of openly… but everyone knows. It's just how things are." She glanced over at me, a faint smile on her lips, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "A nobleman with a mistress is hardly a scandal - as long as it's discreet. As long as it doesn't upset the balance."
I nodded slightly, not interrupting, unsure where she was leading but certain it was somewhere deliberate.
"I've seen it before, time and time again. Wives chosen for alliance, wealth, lineage… and then the real affection, the real companionship - that's found elsewhere. It's accepted. Expected, even." She paused, her gaze sharp as it met mine. "Some mistresses are cast aside, hidden. Others… they are cared for. Protected. Given respect, comfort… and a place."
Her words lingered, heavy in the air between us.
"And if I had to choose between being alone," she continued quietly, "or being with someone who valued me - even if only from the shadows - I know which I'd choose."
I shifted in my seat, unsure if she truly meant what she was saying, or if she was simply trying to rationalize the inevitable.
She looked at me, her voice now softer, tinged with something almost… vulnerable. "You don't need to explain anything to me, Caius. I know how the Greengrasses think. I know what they'll ask of you, and I know you'll have to accept." She set her glass down with a quiet clink and leaned in slightly. "But if you ever find yourself needing someone… someone who understands, who won't demand what you can't give - someone who will simply be there - well," A slight tilt of her head, the barest hint of a smirk. "I might be open to that."
Her words hit harder than I expected, not because they were blunt, but because they weren't. There was no desperation in her voice, no plea for affection. Just understanding. Acceptance. And perhaps… hope.
"You deserve better than being someone's secret," I said, my voice rougher than I intended.
"Then don't keep me a secret," she said simply, her eyes locked on mine. "That's all I ask. If it comes to that… if I'm to be in your life in that way, then let me be seen. Not hidden away like something shameful. I've already lost everything once, Caius. I won't lose my dignity, too."
I nodded slowly, a weight settling in my chest. She knew. She understood. And she was still willing. That, more than anything, left me speechless.
I grabbed her hand on the table and squeezed. It felt like finally I had found someone who understood. Who cared. And I knew I wouldn't let go. Ever.
The rest of the evening passed in a quiet, comfortable haze. The tension from earlier had eased, but her words lingered in my mind, soft, persistent, impossible to ignore. Andromeda didn't bring it up again. She didn't have to. The air between us had shifted. Not dramatically, not all at once - but it had shifted.
When we finally left, the streets of Diagon Alley were nearly empty, the lamps casting pools of golden light on the cobblestone path. Andromeda walked beside me, silent but not distant, her arm intertwined with mine.
Neither of us suggested parting ways.