Irisviel Celestine: the leader of Viole Justiciary, one of the biggest guilds on the continent of Logias-Sova. Renowned for its elite arbiters and achievements in monster subjugation and peacekeeping, it even held influence within the government and the Arbiter's Association. With that said, the guild is at odds with the latter, mostly due to the fact that Irisviel had a tendency to snatch up all prospects from the Association with promises of tempting benefits and dedicated support.
Right now, however, Irisviel was throwing a childish fit unbefitting of her role and appearance. Burying herself in couch cushions inside the comfort of her office, she was whining to her attendant Rize about missing a golden opportunity the day before.
After being blatantly ignored by the first arbiter in years to receive Merlin's recognition, she fell into a state of depression after returning to her office. It was hard to believe she was the 37 year-old woman that led one of the top Lesivite guilds. Or that she was a 37 year-old woman in general.
"Please behave yourself, guildmaster. The new adept will be arriving soon."
Rize had a cold, apathetic expression on her face, but her voice dripped with irritation. Unlike her superior, she kept her feelings hidden under her icy exterior. Her long, well-kept silver hair and piercing blue eyes indicated a level of sophistication that was opposite of the immature guildmaster, whose hair had become disheveled from rolling around on the couch.
Overburdened with the expectations with others, this result was only natural. Irisviel, who was expected to act befitting of her role and prestige, couldn't help but let loose whenever she was away from prying eyes. Only a few people, such as Rize, knew about this side of her.
"Do I have to meet her?" Irisviel complained.
"You were the one who went to personally recruit her despite your busy schedule and said you wanted to interview her yourself. You also put me through the trouble of handling the paperwork to have her admitted into the adeptus program. In short: yes, you do."
Rize's exasperated tone finally got through to the guildmaster, who reluctantly sat up while adjusting her hair.
"I guess it can't be helped. Still, it's upsetting to miss out on such a rare find. What kind of generational talent does that arbiter possess for him to receive Merlin's mark? I can't help but wonder about that. When I saw him in person, there was something peculiar about his presence that drew my attention. He's someone who will make waves in the world of arbiters, that's for sure."
"You're thinking too much. The new adept is also quite a prodigy herself, one rarely seen in this generation of arbiters. Those who stand at the top are bound to cross paths. You'll be able to meet him again eventually."
Although Rize was right, it didn't change the fact that the arbiter named Ilyin went to the Arbiter's Association. He even met up with the president of the Association in person. After thinking about it, Irisviel found something strange about the situation.
"There are few arbiters who would actively seek out the Association while knowing their incredible potential. Independent guilds offer much better benefits than the Arbiter's Association, which works directly under the government and is incredibly restrictive. Why did he ignore me, knowing that?"
"It's likely that they were in cahoots beforehand, guildmaster."
Irisviel shook her head. "Even if one dedicates themselves to training before entering a Grand Ark, it is impossible to gauge their true potential until after they clear the tutorial. Realistically, there is no such thing as investing into an arbiter before they become one. The only exception to this is when the arbiter in question is from a prestigious family, but even that's not entirely consistent."
She scrunched together her eyebrows, narrowing her eyes on the floor while deep in thought.
"Rize, get me all the information you can on him. I don't plan on letting him go so easily. The Association does nothing but waste valuable talents. I will not let that happen."
Her attendant sighed, but nodded. This outcome was only expected.
A small ding came from the tablet Rize was holding.
"It seems that the new adept has arrived at the building entrance. Do you want me to bring her, or do you want to get her yourself?"
"I'll go. She is our adept, after all."
The guildmaster stood up and followed Rize out of the office. As she walked, her mind was deeply focused on other thoughts.
Arbiter Ilyin. What secrets are you hiding?
—
"If you could protect your friends, family, and your home, would you?"
What kind of question is that? Of course!
"Even if you have to lose everything someday?"
My eyes slowly opened, the words from a distant memory lingering in my head. Right now, I felt nothing. In my heart, there was a swirling maelstrom of... nothing. An empty void.
Nihility.
It's been a few days since I learned the truth from Hela. The events of that night were engraved into my mind.
"Just give me my mission, please, give me anything. Give me a purpose."
At the time, I felt my whole world collapse. I can't put into words the torment and agony that took hold of me. Feelings that felt all too distant.
[I am afraid I can't give you the mission after the contract has been nullified.]
"Then give me something! Tell me what to do! What point is there in being alive?"
I was lost. The anguish I felt was so deep and profound that my consciousness was a hair's breadth from completely collapsing. I was in complete despair.
Now, there is nothing.
The grief and misery was enough to drive me to end it all. In a world that was completely foreign to me, I had nothing left to return to. No family, no goals. I probably would have if it weren't for that skill.
[Voice of Nihility] ▲
The true form of the seed of impurity possessed by Ilyin Gray.
It will eat at you. It will feed on your emotions, replacing them with an emptiness so vast that you will want to relinquish yourself to it. Do not give in, Ilyin. While it will keep you sane, it will also try to take over you. I cannot tell you much about the seed of impurity now, but just know that it is both your strength and your weakness.
—
It was a skill recognized not by the system, but by Hela, and it was inherently possessed by me. If it weren't for her, I would've completely lost myself to it.
[Isana left something for you in the Ark of Passion, didn't she? Your synchronization rate has to be artificially increased for it to be this high. She probably left something that would only trigger if the contract between you and me was nullified.]
Back during my rite of passage, I was tasked to defeat a clone of Isana. However, after I won, it left behind a cryptic message. Apparently, it was something the real Isana had left for me.
"You've been strong, little Ilyin. I'm not sure how long this message took to reach you, but when you get out, take it easy. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't do that right now. You'll have to ask her. Though, don't tell her I did this, she might get really mad."
I was relieved to learn that I managed to protect those I cared about throughout multiple of my lives. At some point, though, I had outlived everyone I knew. I wonder if this is how I felt the last few times I was reset. I also learned that, because of Hela's mission, there were no records of me left behind.
I want to follow Isana's will, I really do. But, realizing that I'm alone in this world has been excruciatingly painful for me. It made me afraid that everything in the world is fleeting, and that continuing on would just mean risking having more to lose.
It's one of the few fears I haven't surrendered to the Voice of Nihility. Because somewhere in the depths of my heart, I still want to live. I don't want to let go of what makes me feel real.
I sat up in bed, clutching my blanket tightly. I turned my gaze to a small envelope sitting on the nightstand. An intricately-designed red seal adorned the top flap, which I had yet to pull open. It was a recommendation letter to the Nineheart Institute of Arcana, an elite school for training arbiters. Heflin left it with me a few days ago without saying much, probably out of consideration for my current state. I doubt he knows anything about my situation, but he seems to have a good eye for reading people.
These past few days, I've been doing nothing but the bare minimum of living, my mental state teetering on the edge. Hela told me that building an ordinary life would help me recuperate by focusing my mind on other things, but my thoughts haven't exactly been so coherent for a while now.
I was still grieving. Even with the Voice's help, it was impossible to overcome the despair. However, every so often, I'd hear Isana's message repeat in my head, and it makes me want to live a little more.
I clenched my fists. I felt a semblance of resolve somewhere inside of me, and I held onto it for dear life. I grabbed the letter from the nightstand and got out of bed.
[I'm sorry. I can't tell you everything. But I know you can overcome this. You will.]