Tinnie's POV
Are there days when you don't even know yourself anymore? Are you confused and just wanting someone to share your turmoil with?
"Hey, Horseface, where's Aki?" I said, nudging Henry, disguising my nervousness under the cover of a known joke.
If looks could kill, I'd have died. He looked at me like I was some annoying little insect.
"Can you stop calling me Horseface? And no, I haven't seen Aki. I've got my classes to worry about. Why don't you get yours?" He dismissed my question and continued his walk without waiting for my reply.
I watched him go and then exhaled. Where could Aki be, anyway? I floated down the hall, trying to shake off this aimless feeling that seemed to wrap around my throat until I saw Francel scrolling on his phone.
"Francel! Shine bright like a diamond! Where's Aki?" I asked, making my way toward him, trying to sound upbeat. This guy looked so pale like he had bleached himself. I could donate some melanin.
He barely looked up. "I don't know," he muttered, shrugging as he walked away.
Great, everyone seemed caught up in their little worlds today. I continued, my mind half-focused on Aki and half on how invisible I felt. Just then, I saw Raphael.
"Oh, what now, Tinnie?" He groaned, not even bothering to mask the irritation.
"Sorry, but… Have you seen Aki?" I asked, allowing a shade of my genuine concern to seep through.
"Try Ken or Angelo," he said with a hint of an eye-roll and strode away.
"Thanks," I said, not that he cared. Those little things that used to make me smile now felt so hollow. There was just something heavy and peculiar sitting in my chest. The thing with Aki was he'd been acting weird lately-distant, closed-off. It was like he kept a secret he wouldn't share, and it bothered me more than I like to admit.
I continued searching, lost in thought, until someone called my name.
"Hey! Cristina, slash Tinnie." Ken greeted me with the brightness of a smile that managed to melt away my tension, at least for a second.
"Hey! Nose Ranger! Have you seen Aki?" I asked him playfully, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.
He smiled. As the bell rang and propelled him toward his class, he said, "I believe he was with Angelo a while back."
I muttered, my search growing fruitless. The mind catches onto preposterous thoughts; maybe I needed a map-not to Aki but through his heart. That made a flush rise to my cheeks, but I shrugged it off the very next second. You don't have time for foolish fantasies, right?
Then I saw Angelo standing around.
"Angelo!" I exclaimed, waving.
"Easy does it, Tinnie!" He joked with me, "Don't run; you wouldn't want to tarnish that goddess image of yours," which got me to laugh despite the weight of my heart.
Before I could ask about Aki, words vanished and caught in my throat. Just beyond Angelo, there he was—Aki—locked in an embrace with Ardy, kissing.
The time she seemed to freeze.
Ariana Dale Dawson, I thought bitterly. How could I compete with someone like her—kind, beautiful, practically perfect?
Does it hurt? Yes, yes, it does. I felt this sharp, twisting pain deep inside, something that, until now, I didn't even know was there. How could he? But then I swallowed, forcing my expression to stay calm and neutral, even as I wanted to scream.
Angelo noticed my sudden silence and called out to Aki, "Hey, Aki! Tinnie's been looking for you.".
Aki and Ardy broke apart, looking in my direction. And in that split second, I felt the tiniest, most foolhardy spark of hope he'd see me, really see me. But reality came hard. I was just a friend.
Never mind," I muttered incoherently, turned, and went away, at every step feeling more and more depressed.
I kept walking, trying to hold my head so the sting inside my eyes wouldn't spill over.
I soon found myself in the school garden-my haven whenever breathing became vital. Flowers were in full bloom, soft in color, comforting, and perfect for masking my crumbling heart. I sat on the bench, staring at the floor, trying to make out what I had just seen or maybe my imagination.
Happy, I thought, clutching at any form of solace. Aki is satisfied with her. And he did deserve it. But it felt like a part of my heart was snapping, bit by bit. And I felt helpless.
"What's wrong?" a soft voice pierced my thoughts.
I looked up and saw Francel standing there; his usual tranquil expression made it hard for the charade to keep going. I could've written that off, given him some casual excuse, but something in his gaze softened me.
"I just…," I started, faltering. "I just didn't think I'd care this much?"
He nodded and sat beside me, quietly listening. That was the thing about Francel-he only needed a few words to understand.
"Why did he have to fall for her?" I whispered more to myself than to him.
Francel gave me a gentle smile. "Sometimes we don't get to choose who we fall for, Tinnie. And sometimes. Neither do they.".
It was as if he had struck me. I knew I should be glad for Aki, but I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out on something quite considerable—all the laughter we had shared, the knowing looks- all that seemed to slip through my fingers.
"Do you think he will feel hurt?" I asked with a voice barely above a whisper.
Francel squeezed my hand. "He's your friend, Tinnie. He may be out of sight right now, but later on, he will be. And when he does, he'll know just how much you care."
I took a shaky breath, his words finally settling. Maybe he was right; maybe with time, I needed to let myself feel this and heal. But deep down, I knew it would take so much more than time ever to let him go.