Imagine living your entire life through the ups and downs of it, the good and bad of it and still persevering through it.
Even as it gets tough you still find an anchor to pull you through, whilst shutting out the question;
"what if it just gets worse all of a sudden"
Well for me, it just did.....
As I held the crumpled paper of my test results in my dim lit room, my mind slowly began to drift to nothingness.
It was funny how, I, who had lived such an average and worthless life always seemed to surpass my criterion.
"Severe case of multiple sclerosis with a six months prognosis. Hospice care advised..." It read.
Going on and on about the possible symptoms and defects that came along with my predicament.
I slumped on my bed, feeling my weight push me further into it's depth as my emaciated mind became deluded with disarray.
The ceiling which I stared at seemed to have taken a different colour, a different feel to it in that moment.
In fact everything did, and I still felt that way even as I got on the plane for my planned trip to the the other end of the world.
Six months to live meant I got to earn infinite free time with leave from work and a fully funded get well trip.
And fat bonus of course...
As I read the cards that the rest of my coworkers had slipped in my luggage at the airport i couldn't help but chuckle at the words written therein.
It wasn't that I was too complacent with my predicament but rather that I had a hard time believing my life was coming to an end so ironically.
I spent the next four months, moving from town to neighbouring country across the Pacific, amidst intense migraines, painful discharges and a fast growing angst.
Meeting even my death along the way.
It happened on a cool evening after I had come back from a late check up, my mouth still bitter from all the supplements I had to ingest, a gloomy six foot shadow stared me down just before the hotel gates.
I tried shrugging off his advances at first but then later gave up at the sight of a blade that he was clutching very tightly.
I handed over my wallet and smartphone without a second thought, heaving a sigh of relief silently under a false guise that I was out of harms way.
"This all you got?!" He shouted, frowning as he ravaged through the crumpled notes repeatedly.
His eyes squinting in disgust as his form rattled in growing rage.
I took a step back, hoping to alienate myself from the coming threat as the entity pounced on me.
It had now become clear that he was indeed a man, scrawny and with the force of a beast.
His silhouette which had seemed darker than before was now visible and I could tell instantly, that it truly was a beast of a person.
He groaned in discomfort as he tried to subjugate me, his ragged breath with a strong pungent smell, lingering on every corner of my nose, causing even me to submit inevitably.
I let out a silent grunt as I watched the newly opened blood wound on my side darken and expand.
The flickering alley lights that I hadn't paid attention to, brightened as he jumped off me.
'Not even on a hospital bed?.... Well this is disappointing' I thought to myself, pressing down tightly on my wound.
I was beginning to lose a lot of blood, even though strangely enough it was a commodity I couldn't afford to lose.
Finally, my survival instincts kicked in and the struggle began.
"Huuu!!..." I winced, kicking and thrashing at thin air as my legs flew upwards in an instant, causing my assailant to bolt in fear.
The pain from the gut wound, hollowing out every form of energy I held.
My mind went blank and then, like water down a drain, memories came flooding through it, as flickers first and then a blur.
Even though I had read and heard about this experience, living through it in the moment was obsolete.
It was freeing and burdening at the same time, like rage and peace, life and death all entangled in one long lasting and fleeting moment.
"Hahaha...haaa" I chuckled with the last of my strength, lifting my head to gaze at the lit streets, fear and terror within.
The entire sum of my life's experience, deluding me to one tragic evaluation.
I had lived a thoroughly mediocre life throughout....
Then came the stillness, then came the quiet...
Then came death.....
******
"Crushe de vrili go mo..... Belidi...."
A voice kept murmuring besides me, silently pushing me back awake.
"Huuuuuuu..." I exhaled deeply, springing from the plush fabric on which I laid, a bright light from the window besides me signaling that it was daytime from somewhere elevated.
I stared at the maid that crouched at my bedside, kneeling as she slept, her bright yellow skin glowing as it met the morning radiance.
She was clothed in a serving attire but they weren't shabby like the ones I had expected maids to wear, in fact they were better looking than the one I wore a while ago.
'Wait..... A while ago?.... Didn't I die??... Am I alive... If so where am I?.....'
My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the now awoken maid as she shrieked in surprise at my gaze, babbling in some unknown language.
"Frushe li sometha, van blo Des shim!!"
What the fuck?
Before I could remove the beddings over my body and demand for an explanation, a sharp sound perforated the room, numbing my ears and mind as the intensity grew.
Surprisingly enough I was the only who could feel and hear the disturbance.
"Ahhhhhh" I screamed, my voice lacking the usual lustre that it possessed, before slumping back to the comfortable bed.
"Bri li ma toshe, doctor coma seth" The maid assured, before walking out of the room like she had expected me to understand her.
'I did hear doctor in the sentence thou....'
******
By the time I awoke again, I felt more relaxed and comfortable. This time I was surrounded by my father; the head, two other maids, the family doctor and finally my little sister, Jem.
Something was indeed different and I now had 'the' memories.
"It's okay now everyone, I feel better" I assured them, beaming with a smile.
The patriarch ordered that I had been given more time to rest and as such, everyone had to leave the room.
As the doors shut behind them, I waited for about a minute before jumping from my bed and climbing out towards the balcony by the window.
"I still can't believe it, this is really real" I said to myself, mouth agape as I stared at a scenery I had only ever read about in books.
A fantasy realm....
A valley with evergreen grass and attendants in every nook and cranny of the garden in front of me.
But that wasn't what had affirmed my suspicions but rather, the fact that I could feel an otherworldly presence enveloping my sense when I tried inhaling deeply, rejuvenating my entire form slightly.
Yes..... It was mana.
I raised my hand towards the open wind, tearing up at the thought of another life, this time would be different.
"Let's finally achieve something and rise from the mediocrity, huh Milo?!!" I yelled, grinning mischievously.
"And also not die in an alley" I then concluded quietly, rescinding my hand as the workers cast a troubled glare at me