I spent most of the day just chatting it up with the twins, none of us left each others sight and I could feel all the thoughts I had about them start to float away from my mind. I should have given them the benefit of the doubt to at least let them show me what they thought about me but I had shut them out for four days.
"You won't believe that he ate the last cookie!" Dina shouted pointing at Dylan who was on the floor laughing and clutching his stomach from the intensity of the laughter.
"We'd buy another next time we go out" I assured Dina and she stood up before going to Dylan and she began to tickle him causing him to laugh louder and try to get her off him.
"Diana" I heard my name being called from behind where we were playing in the parlor, I looked back to see my mother standing by the door.
I took a deep breath and looked away from her not wanting to look at her for too long. I thought she wasn't meant to get back home for another two or three hours. What on earth could she be doing back home by this time?
"Mom" Dina was the one to speak up standing up as she looked from me to my mother. I turned to them gave them a small smile before standing up and heading towards my room.
"Diana" Dylan called to me and I looked back at him with a small smile.
"I just want to have my bath" I said to them and they both looked more relaxed and gave me a smile. I walked into my room and tried to close the door just as mom held the door stopping me from closing it behind me.
"Diana" she said shutting the door behind her and leaning on it.
"I am very sorry for what your dad said"
"He's not my dad…"
"Diana…"
"He said it himself… I am a bastard" I said turning to face her where she still was leaned against the door,
"Why didn't you tell me sooner??" I asked her looking from her head to her toe, based on her outfit it was obviously she was just returning from either the gym or a run.
"Diana… I couldn't…"
"You couldn't or you wouldn't? Finding out that way was what you thought is right?" I asked her trying to keep my voice low and address her as respectfully as I could.
"Diana… I should have told you sooner but I wanted you to be older so you would understand better where I am coming from" she replied me taking step away from the door not stretching her hand out to towards but tucking it behind her.
"And you didn't speak to your husband about it? I always knew he never liked me but I thought, oh it's because I am not a boy but when the twins came and I could see him with Dina I just knew something was wrong with me" I said to here waving my hand around as I spoke trying to do something to calm my nerves.
"Diana… he doesn't…"
"Don't tell me he doesn't mean it! Can't you see it? How much more obvious do you need it to be? I am convinced you can't see the truth even if it came up and smacked you right across the face" I know I shouldn't have spoken rudely to her like I did but I let my emotions get the best of me. I felt like I should apologize but at this point I just needed her to come out to me.
"I'd let that slide…"
"Let it slide? But he can speak to you so rudely! Smack you about the house, you guys would spend hours arguing and fighting around the house! Did you ever for once! Once think about how your actions affected your kids, let's even say you don't consider the bastard what about the young children! Their minds are just forming and that's what they get to be around? Fights, hitting and arguments!" I didn't know when I cap popped off the emotions I had managed to thightly bottle away.
"Diana… you aren't a bastard"
"He called me a bastard over and over again and come to think of it it seems I am a bastard! You don't care about your kids, you don't care about their welfare… I! The bastard… me! I've hard to keep the kids on track, try to shake them not to think violence is normal, try to listen to them when they down, talk to them and be with them! I've managed to train your kids and even know them more than you do. I've lost friends because of this but do I mind? No! I was hurt when it happened but I didn't mind cause they are my siblings! My siblings… but you couldn't care less about your kids that you pushed out. You don't care about them… you never cared about me!" I shouted at her watching as she took a step back and tears fell from her eyes.
"Mom.., mom… I am sorry" I said after a few minutes of silence watching as she shook her head and leaned fully against the door with her hand still tucked behind her.
"I understand..," she said after another long silence and she took another deep breath trying to stop the tears from falling.
"I just thought… I thought it'd be better if my kids grew up a both present house hold" she said taking a deep breath before she continued talking.
"I didn't know it would affect you all so much, I am… I am so sorry"
"Mom… it's just… I meant what I said but I didn't mean to be rude. You stayed for the kids? But even we the kids aren't happy here it's worse than even living alone. You asked why I didn't go to the party? I knew about the party but my friends told me without mincing words that they don't like to hang with me because my siblings follow me everywhere! That's why I am technically friendless and I don't mind cause I am not leaving the twins with either one of you" I told her going to sit down on the bed watching her where she stood with tears still flowing down her face. She took a deep breath, releasing it before leaving the doorway and coming to sit on the chair opposite my bed.
"I thought the world started ended with him…" she said after a few moments of silence. "I thought Henry was the best thing after slice bread" she chuckled lightly shaking her head.
"I loved him… and he said he loved me too when we first met. We had a two year stint where we didn't see each other and I thought he moved on. I met another man and we got serious… but he left as soon as he found out I was pregnant with you. He asked me have an abortion…" she stopped talking and looked at me trying to gauge my reaction but I was just attentive to her wanting to hear what she had to say.
"I couldn't do that… I was young and scared of abortions. My friends, Tammy she tried to tell me there'd be no harm with it but… but Diana I witnessed two women die from failed abortions! I couldn't do that" she sniffed again wiping her cheeks of her tears.
"Mom…"
"When I told him I couldn't do that, he left me! He left me and I've tried looking for him, I found him but he doesn't want to have anything to do with me…" she stared at me "or with my baby, I told him my baby isn't a baby any longer, she's older now! But he wasn't having it"
She stayed silent for another few minutes and I just let the silence reign between us.
"Henry came back after I found out I was pregnant. He said he doesn't mind, he said he'd treat my baby like she's his too. We made a promise to each other and I was so so so sorry that he decided to break the news to you this way. I am so sorry" she said letting the sobs break through her as she just started to cry. I let the information she passed to me sink in and just watched her break into sobs, I stood up from the bed and went to squat beside her and hugged her.
"Mom… it's not your fault…"
"It's my fault… I've put my kids into this position. I've turned you into a mother without you even giving birth yet. I am so sorry, I just thought you Children would do better in a two parent household"
"Mom… a two parent household doesn't matter when everybody is miserable! You are miserable, your husband is miserable, I am miserable and the twins I've tried to shield but they still see everything" I said to her standing up to go back to sit on my bed watching as she came to the realization of what I am saying.
"I am sorry… I've failed as a woman, a mother and a parent! I am so sorry" she said with her hands over her face as she continued to sob. I wanted to go and hug her but I just sat and watched her cry because she needed to understand that something had to be done. Or am I too harsh???
"Mom… we all make mistakes but it's more important for us to pick ourselves up and make everything better" I said to her and after a few more seconds if sobbing she nodded her head and I went closer to her to hold her tight.
She did need someone to comfort her and for her to talk to, she's also still a human and it's her first time here too. In this world and being a mother, I rubbed her back and I started sobbing into her shoulder too.
"Mom… I love you"
"Oh my God! I love you too"
***
About a week after my emotional outburst to mom, she came back home and told us to begin packing. I was confused and asked her why we were packing, school was about to resume anyway and she said and I quote
"We are leaving"
I was surprised and asked her
"Leaving??"
She looked at me with a big smile and started laughing a bit before she spun around and told us, she had gotten her own apartment and would be sending her husband the divorce letters.
I was happy to hear that, very happy but the twins looked scared and disappointed but mom and I both explained to them that they were still going to see their father from time to time.
They were happy, but at the same time they were sad. Happy to not have to be walking on egg shells around the house all the time and mom promised them she'd do better and be more involved in their lives.
I on the other end couldn't quite get over the fact that I still don't know who my father is, mom won't tell me who he is yet because she doesn't want me to be disappointed at whatever he says to me. Disappointed? She had to be kidding me with the disappointment because I couldn't imagine anymore disappointment than the one I've only felt from the man I had called my father for the longest time.
Living alone with mom was more peaceful than we all have felt for a very long time and we all were happy… truly happy for once and we were able to share love with one another.