"Come on! Xiao Yan, how can you sleep away such an important day?!"
Mrs Li's voice entered my ears and my first response was inconsistent gibberish. I rubbed my half-asleep eyes and groggily opened them.
Mrs Li's smiling face was refreshing to watch, but her words from before clicking in, snapped me from my drowsy trance. I quickly sat up staright, eyes threatening to abandon my sockets.
"Is is truly that day?" I whispered innocently. It almost felt unbelievable to the point where Old Li would stroll up to me right now and shout 'April Fools!'.
...
On second thought, the former sounded more believable than the latter.
"Quickly, Xiao Yan! Or else we will miss the ceremony." Mrs Li's voice was barely able to contain the excitement. My expression soon mirrored hers as I rushed out of bed to get ready.
30 minutes later...
I was decked out in a traditional black hanfu with gold trimmings. It was gift for my sixth birthday from Mrs Li. And, you better believe I treasured it. It was my first expensive gift since my arrival to this place and carried a sentimental value.
"Hurry up, Mrs Li!" I shouted for her. The woman rushed out moment's later dressed in a light-blue cheongsam, the one she had worn on their first encounter. Her hair was tied in two buns behind her head. She looked stunning.
"I'm here!" She shouted before we both rushed out of the house like children late for school.
_________________________________________
"Wuhun is an iron shovel; trash. Next!"
Once more the bored voice sounded and yet another child leapt into their parent's arms, crying in misery.
I pitied the child's fate. I have read a few books from Old Li's study while cleaning, and found a Wuhun must be of high quality or must possess high levels of innate soul power to be accepted into the society. Since the martial soul was common iron shovel with no innate soul power, the child was destined to a lofe of a commoner with no potential of breaking through ranks of a Soul Master.
Soon each and every child had their Wuhun awakened and finally came my turn. I slowly made my way up to the Soul Master. He was man in his late thirties with a scruffy beard, charcoal eyes over a bronze face. His bald head would have looked funny if not for the deel scar running from the back of his scalp to all the way down to his left eye.
Heck, this guy didn't even need to awaken his Wuhun to scare off the kids, his face made him intimidating enough.
"Last brat, do what the others did. I'm too tired to explain." His bored voice made my eyes twitch momentarily before I followed his command. Thankfully, my mind was more mature than my peers or else I would've been reduced to a lost duckling looking left and right for help.
I extended my right arm and a flash of light emanated from the Soul Master's body. I instinctively closed my eyes to not be blinded by the light. After a few moments, I opened them again and they soon turned into wide saucers by the sight in front of me.
Floating leisurely above my palm was long wooden pole with a sharp, pointed blade at the top.
"Wuhun is an iron spear; below average." The annoying voice of the Soul Master promptly ruined my my hyped moment. I turned to him trying to hold back my frustration as he gestured for the crystal ball beside him.
"Test your soul power." He said. I placed my hand on the glass sphere and poured every ounce of my spirit into it.
"Innate soul power... Rank 5; barely considerable." He announced before turning around to leave and my eyes scanned the surroundings for a piece of brick to hurl at his peeled head.
"Congratulations, Xiao Yan!" I looked over my shoulder to see the Mrs Li walking towards me. I nodded my and gave her a bright smile.
"Thank you, Mrs Li." I said giving her a much deserving bow of gratitude. She giggled at my actions before taking me in her arms. Her soft lips touched my cheek as I melted into her warm, motherly embrace.
"Why did it have to be that woman?"
"Yeah, a woman like her who was kicked out by her own husband."
"Did you hear? I heard she stole someone else's child and makes him do all the chore."
I felt my hands tighten at the whispers.
"Not that it's a problem really, just look at the boy. His skin looks like someone carved it out of mud."
"And that ugly mop of black on his head along with those horrendous pupils. He looks perfect to be a household slave if you ask me."
Magma bubbled up in my heart, threatening to explode any second. I wanted nothing more than to stroll up to those bastards and ram my spear down their mouths.
"Shh... I know what you feel Xiao Yan, but you must control your wrath." Mrs Li's melodic voice did its magic and my heart was soothed albeit only slightly. She took it as her cue to leave the premise as I tried my best to ignore the judging glares sent our way.
By the time we reached home, the sun had already set. Apparently, we resided near the village outskirts due to same reason as before. We were shunned!
Why? Because this is ancient times where woman, especially divorced womab, were considered black spot in the society. A woman shunned by her own husband's family should either die or live a life of solitude.
Every second I contemplated these discriminatory norms, rage would bubble up in my stomach. My fists clenched for what felt like fifth time since the ceremony. I longed to summon my Wuhun and shut those bastards up.
My rage once again subsided as a soft pair of hands wrapped around them. I didn't look up to see Mrs Li smiling down at me. She crouched lower to my eye level but my refused to meet her gaze. Her smile only seemed to widen at my stubbornness.
"Xiao Yan." She cocked her head to the side and I swiftly turned the other side.
"Yan'er." She turned the opposite side and I followed suite. I heard a light huff before her palms retracted backwards from my fist. I frowned a little before being completely taken by surprise as her dainty fingers captyred the sides of my face, forcing me to look at her.
"It is rude to ignore your mother, Xiao Yan." She scolded lightly. I blinked before my eyes became glassy. How could such a sweet woman smile so carefreely despite all the hardships she had faced to this day? What kind of will such a person must possess to endure such suffering?
"None," She said making my eyes widen. "I possess no such strength, Xiao Yan."
I blinked a few times and a confused frown forme on my face. She smirked and continued.
"'What kind of mental strength she must have to endure all that suffering?' — That's what you were thinking, wasn't it?"
I nodded my head dumbly, still left gobsmacked by the woman's intuition which accurately predicted my inner thoughts. Mrs Li's chuckled at my dumb expression before an air of solemnity took over her features.
"To answer your question, I possess no such will to endure the ostracism by the village." She said grimly. "In fact, I cried myself to sleep every night since it begin."
"B-But then h-how did you—"
"An interesting fact about people is that when they face the same kind of hell over and over again, they eventually grow numb to it."
My eyes widened with each word. 'Grow numb to it...' For how many years had she been enduring to lose her hatred for their words.
"It's been long time since they started speaking bad about me and there were times I felt like slapping them to death, but slowly and steadil my pain and hatred started fading. I sat down one day and asked myself.
'Why am I so mad at them? They're no buddies from a lineage of unimpressive characters. What can they really do to me? Kill me? I've already outlived my own flesh and blood. I believe I'm quite satisfied with my life and a painful parting won't hinder my path to afterlife.' "
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Such deep words stemming from profound thinking of a woman who has already mapped out her entire life journey. It was both mesmerizing as well as heart-wrenching to hear. It almost seemed like she was tired of living altogether.
I didn't know what came over me next and I rushed into her embrace, locking my arms around her neck tightly. She seemed startled by the suddeness of my action but did not pry herself away, instead she hooked her arms beneath my armpits and kissed the top of my head.
"I know life isn't as easy as it appears Xiao Yan, but what's even harder is die to while cursing everyone and everything around you with not a single memory to hold close to your heart." Her soft breath tickled my ears as her fingers traced small circles on my back. We stayed like that for a few minutes before we were broken apart by a much too familiar voice.
"You two idiots gonna come inside or are you waiting for me crawl to my grave first." Old Li shouted from inside the house. I rolled my eyes while Mrs Li chuckled. We stood up and patted the dust off her clothes.
I made my way to the front door and was about to reach for the knob when Mrs Li spoke for the final time.
"Suffering and hardships are a part of life. Many a people spent their entire lives cursing away their pain. But the ones who have comprehended their true meaning cannot be subjugated by Gods and Demons alike."
_________________________________________
"I still don't get it. I've been pondering your words since that day and I'm afraid, I can only take them at face value."
My hand traced the cold hard surface with my fingers, occasionally sinking into badly carved chasms. Poor workmanship on my part was to blame.
I glanced up at the setting sun, a scene eerily resemblant of the fateful day.
"Why did you have to leave so soon? Why couldn't you wait a few more years? Why couldn't you beg for mercy for my sake?"
My fist clenched and shot upwards, socking me straight in the cheek. Blood dribbled down from my lips as a pair of bloodshot eyes glared at the fool's face in the nearby puddle.
"Shut up! We know more than anything else of how much more she had to endure because of us. We were a stain on her life that blackened the last remnants of her happiness!
It's because of us she... she..."
A guttral sound escaped my lips. A mix of sorrow and resentment. I cried and cried as the sun dipped into the horizon and the moon rose behind me. I curled up into the ball as the moonlight illuminated the vicinity.
A decaying tree with dying leaves, wilting leaves blanketed the grassy floor and single, erect slab of stone casting its haunting shadow over my broken form.
And I knew at that point what true suffering was like.
Not the distaste of strangers but the grief of closed departed....