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Scarier Movie II

🇺🇸HaremKing777
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Synopsis
Introducing: SCARIER MOVIE II Haunted houses? Boring. Creepy diners? Bring it on. Ghosts that snatch your wig? Now we’re talking! From the creators of Scarier Movie and questionable life choices comes the parody horror novel of the year that will have you screaming... with laughter! Follow the dumbest group of ghost hunters in history as they fumble their way through a totally haunted (but they swear it’s not haunted) mansion, face off with creepy poltergeists, flirt with seductive ghosts (R.I.P. Nathan), and discover that splitting up is always the worst idea. Meet your new favorite team of idiots: Brad – The jock who thinks punching a ghost will solve all his problems. Stacey – The cheerleader more concerned about her TikTok views than the literal demon behind her. Derek – The nerd whose Dungeons & Dragons dice roll won’t save him from getting whacked by a haunted lamp. Morgana – The goth girl who’s lowkey hoping the ghosts invite her to the afterlife party. Tammy – The snarky queen who’s just trying not to get killed... again. Warning: Ghostly apparitions may steal your hair. Side effects include: uncontrollable laughter, confusion, and an irrational fear of diners with missing letters. SCARIER MOVIE II: Where death is optional, sarcasm is mandatory, and nothing is scarier than bad decisions. Available now exclusively on Webnovel!
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Chapter 1 - Scarier Movie II CH:1

The camera pans across a dark, foggy street as a beat-up old van pulls up in front of a decrepit house. Its rusted sign swings lazily in the wind, creaking ominously: "Hillgrove Haunted Manor – Enter If You Dare!"

Inside the van, five not-so-brave souls sit, each with varying levels of enthusiasm for what lies ahead.

"Alright, gang," Brad announces from the driver's seat, flexing his arms unnecessarily as if he's about to tackle the house itself. "Time to show this haunted house who's boss!" He punches his palm for emphasis, the smack echoing in the otherwise silent van.

Tammy, sitting in the back with her arms crossed, rolls her eyes so hard it looks like she might injure herself. "Yeah, I'm sure the ghosts are real scared of Mr. Flex Armstrong over here."

Stacey, perched next to Brad in the passenger seat, flips her long blonde hair and checks her lipstick in a compact mirror. "Do you think ghosts care about makeup? Like, I know it's silly, but I still want to look good for them." She pouts her lips and snaps the mirror shut.

"They're ghosts, Stacey, not Instagram influencers," Tammy says, deadpan.

In the back of the van, Derek, the token nerd, clutches his well-worn Dungeons & Dragons handbook like it's a holy relic. His eyes are wide, his breathing shallow. "You know, guys, the spirits of this place could be really dangerous. The lore around Hillgrove Manor says that, "

Brad cuts him off with a laugh. "Lore, shm-ore! It's just an old house, man. We'll be in and out in no time. I bet I could punch a ghost if it shows up."

Morgana, the goth girl with dark eyeliner that's practically a weapon in itself, lounges in the far corner of the van, filing her nails. "You can't punch a ghost, Brad," she says in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "But please, go ahead and try. I'd love to watch."

Tammy leans forward, glaring at the group. "Y'all realize this is a tourist trap, right? There's probably a guy in there with a bed sheet and a flashlight. Can we just go back to civilization? I don't feel like being the first to die in some Scooby-Doo knockoff."

Brad, completely ignoring Tammy's sensible remark, turns the ignition off and hops out of the van, motioning for everyone to follow. "Come on! Let's do this!"

Stacey squeals with excitement and grabs her phone. "Ooh, this will be perfect for my TikTok!" She hops out, followed by Derek, who mutters something about needing to roll a perception check.

Tammy steps out last, grumbling under her breath. "This is a bad idea. I can feel it in my bones. Y'all are dragging me into some paranormal BS, and I'm not about to, "

Before she can finish her sentence, the group approaches the entrance of the so-called haunted house. The door creaks open ominously as they step inside, revealing cobwebs, dusty furniture, and flickering candlelight. It looks…exactly like a low-budget Halloween attraction.

Brad grins, full of confidence. "See? Totally haunted! Let's split up and look for clues."

Tammy throws her hands up in exasperation. "Oh hell no. I am not about to be the only Black girl getting lost in some dusty-ass mansion."

Morgana snickers. "She has a point. Splitting up is the fastest way to get killed in a horror movie."

As if on cue, a giant, clumsy-looking skeleton on wires descends from the ceiling with a pre-recorded scream. It's supposed to be scary, but instead, the skeleton's head falls off, clattering onto the floor with a pathetic thunk.

Tammy stares at it for a beat, then bursts out laughing. "This? This is the haunted house? I could've set this up in my basement!"

Brad frowns, clearly disappointed. "Well… that's anticlimactic."

Just as they're about to leave, Brad's phone rings. He pulls it out and glances at the screen, his brow furrowing. "Uh… unknown number?"

Tammy groans. "You are not answering that."

But, of course, Brad does. "Hello?" He listens for a moment, then his face lights up. "No way! A real haunted mansion?"

The rest of the gang freezes, except for Tammy, who facepalms. "Oh, come on."

Brad grins, practically vibrating with excitement. "Road trip!"

Before anyone can protest, Brad grabs Tammy by the arm, dragging her out the door as she kicks and screams. "No! You idiots! You're not dragging me into another, "

Her protests fall on deaf ears as Brad throws her into the van. Stacey giggles and climbs into the passenger seat, while Derek cautiously follows, muttering something about checking the "wisdom modifier" on this decision. Morgana struts to the back, looking disinterested as usual.

With the gang back in the van and Brad revving the engine, they take off into the night, Tammy sprawled in the backseat, still trying to make sense of what just happened.

The beat-up van rumbled along the empty, fog-covered highway. Inside, the gang sat in various states of confusion and excitement, with Brad at the wheel, a cocky grin plastered on his face. Tammy sat in the backseat, arms crossed and fuming, having just been literally dragged into this mess.

The air was thick with tension, well, at least on Tammy's side. Everyone else seemed relatively unfazed by what had just transpired.

"Why do I even hang out with y'all?" Tammy grumbled, adjusting her seat belt. "This is some next-level BS."

"Come on, Tam-Tam, don't be like that!" Brad called over his shoulder, eyes fixed on the winding road ahead. "We're heading to a real haunted mansion! Not like that fake haunted house back there. This one's legit."

Tammy shot him a death glare. "Oh yeah, totally legit. Just like how ghosts are real and you can totally punch them."

Brad flexed his biceps, grinning as if her sarcasm was a compliment. "I'd knock a ghost out in one hit."

Stacey, sitting in the passenger seat, was busy adjusting her lipstick in the sun visor mirror, oblivious to the conversation. "Do you think ghosts care if you look cute? Like, if I meet one, I don't want to look like a mess, you know?"

"Sure, Stacey. I'm sure ghosts are super concerned with your eyeliner," Tammy muttered.

Derek, hunched over his notebook in the backseat, scribbled frantically, muttering to himself. "We could be facing anything in that mansion, poltergeists, shadow people, residual hauntings… I need to prepare."

Morgana, next to him, looked up from her phone, her dark lips curling into a smirk. "Relax, nerd. If we meet a ghost, I'll seduce it and have it do our bidding. It'll be fine."

Tammy groaned and rubbed her temples. "I can't believe I'm doing this again. Last time, I almost got stabbed by a discount skeleton at that fake haunted house, and now you drag me into a van heading for an actual murder mansion. You better hope I don't survive this, because if I do, I'm burning y'all's asses to the ground."

Brad just laughed, shifting gears as the fog thickened around the van. "Relax, we're almost there! It's gonna be awesome!"

The van lurched as it hit a pothole, and everyone jolted in their seats.

"Damn it, Brad! Watch the road!" Tammy shouted, gripping her seat. "We're not even gonna make it to this haunted mansion at this rate."

Brad waved her off. "It's fine, it's just a little fog."

Suddenly, a figure darted across the road, barely visible through the thick mist. Brad swerved wildly, barely avoiding the shape. The van screeched as it swung from side to side.

"What the hell was that?" Tammy yelled, her heart racing.

"I, I don't know!" Brad stammered, eyes wide as he tried to regain control of the wheel.

A pale, ghostly figure floated straight through the van, passing through Stacey's seat and right over Tammy. Its wispy, translucent fingers reached out and snagged Tammy's hair.

"AAAAHH!" Tammy screamed, grabbing her head as her wig was yanked clean off.

The ghost vanished as quickly as it had appeared, but the damage was done. Tammy's wig was gone, and she was left clutching her bare scalp in shock. The van swerved again before Brad finally brought it to a screeching stop.

Everyone in the van went dead silent.

"Well, that was… something," Derek muttered, peeking out from behind his notebook.

Tammy turned slowly, her eyes blazing with fury. "Did that ghost just… snatch my damn wig?"

Morgana snorted with laughter, unable to help herself. "Looks like you got ghosted, Tammy."

Tammy whipped around to glare at her. "Not. The. Time."

Stacey, completely unfazed, was still fiddling with her hair in the mirror. "Wait, did something just touch me? It felt kind of cold."

Brad leaned over the steering wheel, staring out into the thick fog. "Relax, everyone. It was probably just the wind or something."

"The wind?" Tammy's voice reached a new pitch. "The wind doesn't steal wigs, Brad!"

Derek, still holding his dice bag tightly, was pale as a sheet. "That wasn't just the wind. That was a ghost! A real, full-body apparition!"

"Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock," Tammy muttered.

Brad waved a hand dismissively, shaking off the encounter like it was nothing. "Whatever it was, it's gone now. Let's just keep going. We've got a haunted mansion to investigate!"

"Maybe the ghost was trying to warn us," Derek added nervously. "Maybe we should turn back…"

Tammy pointed at Derek. "Listen to this man! He's making sense for once."

Brad ignored them both, throwing the van back into gear. "Nah, it's fine. We're almost there. Just a little more driving through this totally-not-ominous fog and, "

The fog thickened even more, reducing visibility to practically zero. The headlights barely cut through the mist as the road ahead disappeared into a sea of white.

"Uh, Brad?" Stacey said, finally looking up from her mirror. "Can you, like, see anything?"

"I got this," Brad muttered, squinting as he leaned forward in his seat. "I can totally see where I'm going."

"You literally cannot see anything," Tammy snapped.

Brad didn't respond, still straining to see through the fog. "It's cool. We'll just drive slow."

The van crept forward at a snail's pace. The road, or what little they could see of it, wound deeper into the mist.

"I don't like this," Derek whispered. "It's too quiet."

The radio crackled suddenly, filling the van with eerie static. No one touched it.

"See what I mean?" Derek added, his voice shaking.

Suddenly, the silhouette of a building loomed ahead through the fog, its neon sign flickering ominously. They could barely make out the words: "D-NER", with the "I" completely burned out.

Brad grinned. "Oh look, a diner! Perfect timing."

Tammy stared at the sign, deadpan. "You want to stop at the 'D-NER' after a ghost just tried to steal my soul and my wig?"

Brad pulled the van into the parking lot. "A quick bite to eat and then we'll head to the mansion. It'll be fine."

Tammy groaned. "Oh no. No way. I'm not stepping foot in that thing."

But, of course, Brad was already hopping out of the van, Stacey right behind him. Derek followed hesitantly, clutching his dice bag as though it could protect him. Morgana smirked, sliding out of the van and tossing her dark hair over her shoulder.

Tammy sighed, looking longingly at the van. "Y'all better not get me killed in a damn diner."