Severus stood at the edge of the grave, watching as the casket was lowered into the ground by several men who worked for a 'private casket company' in London.
His expression was blank and he refused to shed anymore tears. The last thing he needed was for someone else to see his sorrow and pain. He already spent the previous night crying his eyes dry, and had spent the morning building up his Occlumency walls to make sure he didn't fall victim to his emotions again.
Before dressing for the funeral, he cleaned up the mess he had made in his outburst of anger the other night. While he couldn't find a black suit to wear or even wear his Hogwarts robes for the funeral of his mother, he did his best to find the clothes that weren't torn or worn out. He settled for a pair of jeans and a AC/DC shirt, both of which belonged to his father. He knew that they weren't in the best condition, but they were good enough for him at the moment.
Before the funeral started, Severus managed to go through everything that belonged to his parents. There was nothing much for him anyway. He already guessed that his parents left no will of any kind, but he knew that the Ministry would take care of everything and just let him keep whatever there was to the Snape name. All there would be was the house, some personal belongings and also his mother's wand, which had been seized by the Aurors. He knew there was no money anywhere, since his father loved to spend it all on beer.
He had packaged every picture, dishware and piece of furniture, with the exception of the couch and the chair in the living room, storing it all in the tiny basement below the house. He used a few cleaning spells to get rid of the stench from every corner of the home, especially when it came to his father's couch. When he was all done, the place looked ten times better than how he found it.
He knew that he shouldn't be doing magic outside of Hogwarts, but he knew that Dumbledore would have made sure to let the Ministry know of his loss and allow for the spells he had used to be ignored. As much as he distrusted the headmaster, even held a grudge against him, there was a part of him that couldn't deny that the man did have a understanding of what he was going through. He would always hold him responsible for never getting involved with what the Marauders had done to him, but he would always have a certain level of respect for the old headmaster.
Severus had expected the day to be cloudy, but it was instead a sunny day, with a few clouds in the sky. The temperature was warm and welcoming. As much as he wanted to enjoy it, he couldn't find it within him to do so. He felt a sense of dread, a heaviness to his heart and soul.
He continued to stare at the casket as it laid at the bottom of the grave, not once moving a muscle.
Before hand, he was allowed to see the body of his mother, who had been healed of all scars and bruises. For the first time in so many years, he saw how beautiful she looked. The white dress suited her and her facial figures looked to be at peace, which in turn made Severus feel a little better. He only wished he had gotten more chances to see her like this. The beautiful side of her.
He was also given a golden jaw, which contained the ashes of his father inside.
Through the whole service he ignored the preacher, not caring for the speech of life and death he was giving. In fact, he blocked out the whole world around him as his eyes stayed glued to the casket down below. He didn't even notice as the preacher finished his service and left, leaving him to be alone. The very same men who lowered the casket began to shove the dirt into the grave, slowly burying the body of Eileen Snape.
As he watched the grave slowly get filled up, he finally walked forward and took a handful of dirt, getting to one knee to let the dirt drop in with the rest of the soil.
"Goodbye... mom," he whispered and immediately began his walk home.
Once he was within the comfort of his family's house, he placed the golden jar on the counter in the kitchen and collapsed on the couch in the living room, finally allowed the tears to come.
He felt his mind at war with itself, two sides fighting for supremacy. The Slytherin side of him told him to quit feeling sorry for himself and stop giving in to his emotions. But another side that he had kept locked away for so many years told him to let it all out and grieve.
In the past, the Slytherin voice would always win. But now... he hated this Slytherin being that had become apart of him. How many times had he blocked his emotions because it, only to find himself in a worse position than before? How many times had it resulted in pushing Lily away from him and hurt her in the process? As far as he was concerned, the Slytherin side of him needed a balance and more understanding of things.
While laying on the couch, he heard a tapping noise coming from the kitchen.
Wand ready in his hand, he got up and went to see what it was. At the window above the sink, an owl was waiting, with a thick letter in its beak. Curious, he opened the window and took the letter, making sure to feed the owl before sending it on its marry way. Taking the letter back to the living room, he sat in the chair and read the return address of who it was from.
He feared that it was from Lucius Malfoy, who most likely had heard of his 'betrayal' from Mulciber or Avery. Or both. But his fears were put to rest when he saw who it was from.
From: Eileen Snape
To: Severus Snape
His mind went wild as he held the envelope in his hands. He instantly knew that this was the last letter his mother had written to him before she died. Was it about what he had said in the letter he wrote to her? Did she have anything important to say?
But then he began to wonder why the owl was delivering the letter back to the house, when it was clearly being mailed directly to Hogwarts. Then he realized that Dumbledore must have been informed, as the ever watchful wizard he was, and had it redelivered back to this address, knowing he would be here to receive it. Despite being frustrated, he was also a little thankful that it was delivered to him as fast as possible.
Not wasting any time, Severus opened the envelope and took out a series of potion bottles, setting them to the side. Once taking out the letter, he unfolded it and began to read with anticipation.
/
Dear Severus,
Thank you for the letter you've written to me, I'm very happy to hear that your grades are well. I always knew you had the Prince gift within you.
But I'm not writing back to know your grades, I'm writing back because I'm disturbed by the dreams that you have mentioned. Especially the identities of William and Michelle. I beg of you Severus, how do you remember these names? Do these dreams involve more than just the names? I grow deep with worry that you may know more than you should. But as much as I wish I could keep this hidden from you, I also know that you deserve to know the truth.
I've told you a little bit about my life and how I went on the run from my father. And while I can say that everything, I've told you has been the truth... I must confess that I haven't been completely honest about all of the truth. I wish I could tell you, face to face, but I'm not strong enough. The memories I have are too painful by themselves to talk about. There is too much hurt and history before the time you came into my life.
But I can offer you another way.
In these potion bottles are my memories of everything you need to know. You'll need a Pensieve. Professor Dumbledore will have one. If not from him, then I promise I'll take you to Diagon Alley and find one there.
I can only hope you can forgive me, Severus.
I promise that we will talk about Tobias and that I will follow your lead in whatever direction you choose to go in. And while we're on the subject of being truthful, I know about your affiliation with the Dark Arts and the Death Eaters. I'm so sorry, Severus. I should have been a better mother to you, and made sure you had stayed away from that stuff. But I'm happy now that you've come to see the truth and have turned your back on them.
I'll see you when you come home from Hogwarts for the summer. When you get back, I'll take you out for ice scream, like we always used to do. I deeply miss you, Severus. I want you back into my life. I want us to be a family again.
And after you see my memories, we'll speak more about all you'll want to know. I promise.
I love you, Severus. In this life and the next.
Love,
Eileen Snape,
/
Tears slid down Severus's cheek and landed on the letter, feeling his heart and soul aching in sorrow from reading his mother's last words. A mix of anger, sadness, and numbness filled him within seconds. He wished he had done something long before it had escalated to this. She had deserved better.
Turning his attention to the potion bottles, he picked one of them up and saw the memory inside. He felt the need to open it and see what was inside, but he resisted the urge. Firstly, he had no Pensieve. And second, he needed to lie up loose ends before putting his current life behind him. Wanting to grieve and get through the weekened first, he vowed to keep the vials as the last loose ends to finally be put to rest.
But he couldn't help but wonder, what secrets awaited him in those memories? And most importantly, how would they affect him when they would be brought to light?