"How about we spar right now, then?"
Gu Sanqiu glanced at Childe. "I've been working on something interesting lately. Might be fun to test it on you."
"Confident, are we?" Childe grinned, but his expression held a flicker of wariness.
He'd come to know Gu Sanqiu well enough to peg him as the lazy sort. And if a guy like that was willing to send a letter and get dragged into a fight for it, then whatever he wanted with the Doctor had to be serious.
"How about the island on Cider Lake?" Gu Sanqiu suggested. "If we stick to our standard kit, it shouldn't cause too much of a scene. Just—don't use your Endless Tidebreaker."
Childe's eyes lit up with a fierce gleam. "Fine by me! I've got plenty of moves without it!"
"Well now," came a drawling voice from behind them, "the two of you planning to ruin Mondstadt's scenic peace? Honestly, a bit much, isn't it?"
Kaeya's voice held a note of chiding amusement. "If you two insist on a duel, could you at least take it out where the monsters roam? The Knights would appreciate it if you'd clean up a few while you're at it. No need to ruffle the calm waters of Cider Lake."
"Captain Kaeya?" Gu Sanqiu blinked, startled. Out and about on the job at this hour? Surely some kind of play hooky situation.
A certain Acting Grand Master somewhere would be unimpressed.
"Oh, hardly an 'off-the-clock' matter," Kaeya replied with a grin, easing into the nearest seat. "Just wanted to make sure the Fatui recruiters aren't bothering my citizens. Can't be too careful."
Childe's smile stiffened briefly, then he let out a resigned chuckle.
"Relax, Captain Kaeya. Those recruiters? All talk, really. Nothing like what you're probably picturing."
"Mm, glad to hear it." Kaeya's smile widened, though his gaze held a glint. "So long as they're not making a mess of things like that other kid a while back, Mondstadt won't interfere."
Other kid?
Gu Sanqiu's mind went back to the green-haired youth who'd left with a Sumeru envoy, hoping to find a way to address some condition.
Name… Collei?
"Oh, rest assured, I have little love for that particular Harbinger," Childe said with a shrug.
Gu Sanqiu nodded. That part was certainly believable.
Though Childe was all about thrill and battle, there was no questioning the soft spot he had for the innocent. The Doctor's bizarre experiments on kids? Definitely not his kind of thing. In fact, were it not for their mutually influential contacts in the Fatui, Gu Sanqiu imagined Childe would take his "weaponized whales" straight to the Doctor's doorstep.
And if the Doctor actually managed to trip some metaphorical trigger? Well, let's just say it'd be his last mistake.
"Actually," Childe smirked, "I've got someone right here you might find interesting—our friend here has been dying to send a letter to the Doctor himself."
Damn it!
Gu Sanqiu cursed inwardly but managed a calm nod toward Kaeya.
"Oh? The Gu Clan of Liyue—such a storied lineage." Kaeya's eyes sparkled with mischief as he casually asked, "What kind of mystery requires the Fatui's notorious Doctor to solve?"
Gu Sanqiu pursed his lips, biting back the temptation to shout Kaeya's Khaenri'ahn ancestry for all to hear.
"It's nothing that grand," he replied smoothly. "I just need someone who can handle some technical discussions."
He looked between the two. "Battle prowess, tactics? You both excel in those. But research? Not really your thing, is it?"
"In Liyue, if I want higher-level guidance, I'd have to go to the mountains to consult the adepti—time-consuming, you know. And as for Sumeru… trying to pry knowledge from them is impossible. So tell me, who's a better option?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "The Geo Archon?"
His words silenced the other two. Inwardly, Gu Sanqiu smirked.
Debate tactics—easy enough to pull a fast one when the other side's fixated on the truth. It was no lie that consulting the adepti or prying knowledge from Sumeru's sages was a challenge, and what self-respecting person would go straight to the Seven for a minor matter? So, at least for appearances, the Doctor did seem like the only realistic option.
"Now, about that spar?" Gu Sanqiu flexed his wrists, not minding the cold gleam that flickered in Childe's eye.
With his so-called "brother" selling him out, he had every reason to turn this into a thorough beatdown. Not to mention, he'd been working on a little technique just begging for a guinea pig.
"I'd be delighted!"
Kaeya sighed, reluctantly standing. "Fine, fine. I'll lead you two to an approved combat zone, but remember—the fine for property damage is no joke."
…
So it's not just house arrest here?
Hey, Coach, is it too late to join Mondstadt?
An hour later, Gu Sanqiu kicked an unconscious Treasure Hoarder to the side. Kaeya hummed a cheerful tune as he tied up the remaining members in a neat bundle.
Objective cleared.
The thought alone was satisfying~
"Seems we've been put to good use," Childe mused. "Oh well, good warm-up."
"Let's begin!"
Ignoring Childe's charge with his elemental daggers flashing in both hands, Gu Sanqiu didn't even spit out the mint leaf he was chewing. Instead, he just smiled—a slow, wicked smile.
As Childe lunged, Gu Sanqiu spread his arms wide, conjuring a crystalline pillar of Geo that shattered, coalescing into dual chains of energy forming a protective barrier around him.
"Absorb and endure."
Folding his arms with a calm air, he didn't even flinch as Childe's knives clashed against the shield.
Thud, thud, thud!
With each blow, the barrier remained intact. Childe narrowed his eyes, unleashing a stronger burst of Hydro and Electro from his Delusion, striking furiously—
No effect.
"This can't be…"
His frustration mounting, Childe shifted his daggers into twin short swords, his Delusion's Electro crackling even more fiercely, completely overwhelming his Hydro element. He slashed furiously, his eyes intent.
At last, the barrier cracked, showering the ground in blue and purple shards.
Only for Gu Sanqiu to stomp his foot, triggering a tremor that sent Childe staggering back as he reformed the shield with an identical design.
"Unyielding."
Watching the fresh shield form, Childe fell silent.
Gu Sanqiu's smirk deepened.
Question: What's the best way to frustrate a battle maniac?
Answer: Make him think he's chipping away at your defenses, only to realize he's barely making a dent.
This was the art of mental warfare, something Gu Sanqiu took very, very seriously.
---
Translator's Note
Hi, besties! I'm so excited to bring you I Don't Want to Be a Heroic Spirit!—a wild and fun adventure where our MC gets to travel through different anime worlds while becoming a Heroic Spirit! With the help of Chaldea's MVPs (yes, Mash and Da Vinci are here to cheer us on), this story is full of iconic moments, unexpected twists, and all the anime goodness we love.
Oh, and guess what? I've got one more story to share after this, so stay tuned because the fun doesn't stop here! As always, thank you so much for reading and supporting—you're all amazing! Hope you enjoy every moment of this journey!
Thanks for reading! Let me know if you spot any mistakes or inconsistencies!
If you wish to support me or read ahead here's a link! [patreon.com/WiseTL]