"The Great Pig Trotter Tree? How can something so bizarre exist in this world?"
Gu Sanqiu was dumbfounded. "What are those big shots even thinking? How do they come up with such weird things?"
His expression shifted to a more thoughtful one. If I were to rule over Teyvat…
What if he added a law to the rules of the world that said, "Everyone gets Geo Archon-level thighs"? Now that would be quite amusing.
Though... he'd probably end up dead very quickly.
...
"So, you are coming with us after all?" Xingqiu asked, sounding delighted.
"I'm worried you two will die in Guyun Stone Forest."
Gu Sanqiu tossed two massive pork trotters to Xingqiu and Chongyun.
"Find a quiet place to eat these. I'll watch over you. Don't ask where these came from, just know that they're good stuff."
Half an hour later, from the woods outside Liyue Harbor, came a wailing sound at full volume.
"No! I like girls, not men! Get away from me, you idiot!"
Xingqiu's usual gentlemanly demeanor had completely collapsed. His sword flashed wildly, like a spear in a storm, forming a blinding, icy field that was impossible to approach.
On the other hand, Chongyun sat in meditation, frowning as he struggled to control his state. Though he wasn't as frantic as Xingqiu, the area around him for ten meters had turned pitch black. Only Gu Sanqiu, who was suppressing Chongyun's Pure Yang constitution, had managed to stop the out-of-control heat from starting a forest fire.
"Hmm, not bad," Gu Sanqiu muttered, glancing at Xingqiu. "Looks like all that attention from girls gave him a solid defense against... emotional damage."
Then he looked at Xingqiu's frenzied sword dance. "This guy... must have a lot of experience from books, but because of his status, he's probably never had a girl openly confess to him. No wonder he's losing it."
Gu Sanqiu himself had eaten a spicy pork trotter earlier, and when he came to, he found himself wrapped in four or five layers of shields. He couldn't even remember why he had activated them.
The experience alone was proof of just how absurdly effective the Great Pig Trotter Tree was. If his mind hadn't been particularly attuned to handling elemental power, he might've thought he had eaten some high-grade hallucinogen instead.
"Tch, Fontaine has cameras now, but where's the video recorder when you need it?"
Watching Xingqiu spiral into madness, Gu Sanqiu clicked his tongue in disappointment. If only he had a recording device, he could've extorted Xingqiu later for a fortune.
"Am I... am I still alive?"
After an hour of swinging his sword in a crazed self-defense, Xingqiu finally collapsed onto the ground, mumbling weakly.
"You're alive. You're fine."
Gu Sanqiu moved to help him up, but Xingqiu scrambled back in fear.
"Stay away! Right now, I'm disgusted by everything male!"
"...What did you see just now?"
"I was swinging my sword, and there was this man... His eyes were filled with warmth, compassion, and love. Even when I cut him, he showed just the right amount of pain—enough for me to feel cared for, rescued, even... loved…"
"No! Wait! Why am I telling you this, you jerk?! I command you to erase what I just said from your memory!"
"Too late," Gu Sanqiu replied with a devilish grin. "It's not every day I get such juicy gossip about Young Master Xingqiu. Do you think I'm just going to forget this?"
"Take this, you bastard!"
Xingqiu lunged at Gu Sanqiu with his sword, but his blow was effortlessly blocked by a shield, which sent him flying several meters backward from the recoil.
"Stop wasting your energy. I've already arranged a ship with Beidou. Keep throwing a tantrum, and you'll be landing in Guyun Stone Forest at nightfall. That's no different from breaking into a haunted house in the middle of the night."
Gu Sanqiu tossed a bottle of precious elixirs to Chongyun. "Here, take two pills and meditate for ten minutes. That should help you recover. Though the mental strain might take a little longer to heal."
"I... I need some too..."
∠(ᐛ」∠)＿
Xingqiu's voice was weak as he called out.
In the end, Gu Sanqiu had to use long chopsticks made of condensed elemental power to feed Xingqiu the elixirs from a distance, solving the problem of him not wanting any male near him.
"Tsk. If you can't even handle this small hardship, how are you going to survive Guyun Stone Forest? Let alone retrieve a god's fragment. You'll probably turn tail before you even get a glimpse of it."
"This is different," Xingqiu mumbled as he slowly regained his strength, leaning against a tree.
"Why did it have to be a bunch of men testing me? If it were pretty girls, I'd pass with flying colors in no time, unmoved and pure as a saint."
"Wake up. No matter how many books you read, real-life situations are entirely different."
Gu Sanqiu rolled his eyes. "Books? Do you think my reading habits are any less rigorous than yours? When I ate one of those trotters, I had to stack four or five shields and play dead inside."
"Sigh. I'm suddenly grateful for the utility of the Geo Elemental Vision."
Xingqiu shook his head. "Is Captain Beidou ready to set sail yet? What's taking so long?"
"She said the next trip will take some time. Not all the sailors are machines—they need rest and time with their families too."
Gu Sanqiu's eyes glinted as he added, "And there's something brewing in Inazuma. Beidou told me she's planning to stockpile supplies and make a hefty profit while she can."
"Ah, truly the legendary Sea Devil of Liyue Harbor."
Xingqiu slowly stood up. "Shall we head out?"
"Let's go."
...
The sea breeze howled, and the waves crashed with a salty scent. Gu Sanqiu sat at the edge of the ship, watching his fishing line rise and fall with the ocean's rhythm.
"This is the boat you borrowed?" Xingqiu shouted down from the lookout. "This is just an ordinary small boat! We could've easily bought something like this ourselves!"
"This isn't just a small boat. It's a yacht, albeit a small one."
Gu Sanqiu flicked his fishing rod lightly. "It's the best the Crux could lend us. And think about where we're going—there's no way Beidou would let us take a large ship."
"If the ship sinks, or we need to make a quick escape, how is she supposed to find another ship big enough to cross the sea?"
"Besides, a big ship wouldn't work for just the three of us. We're heading to Guyun Stone Forest—do you think any decent sailor would join us on that trip?"
"You two seem awfully relaxed," Chongyun's voice cut through as he steered the boat. "Stop chatting and give me some directions. What if we hit a reef?"
"Don't worry. With him here, hitting a reef is impossible."
Xingqiu shouted back, "He's not just fishing—he's using elemental power to sense the underwater terrain. Whether it's sea monsters or changes in the seabed, he'll know."
"Then why are you up there instead of helping me?"
"I'm coming up with ideas for my new book. A wide view helps get the creativity flowing."
Chongyun clicked his tongue. "No one at Wanyan Bookhouse even wants to stock your books. What's there to think about?"
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