Haku's first interaction with the Hokage after being allowed to enter his office, is to bow so deeply his forehead touches the floor. This is normally done by getting on one's hands and knees, Haku does it standing straight up.
Kakashi, standing to the side as Haku's Jonin voucher and escort, isn't sure how to deal with that and if the Hokage's awkwardly tilted expression is anything to go by, he's not sure either.
"Don't tell me." Hiruzen Sarutobi forces a cough, breaking up the moment and giving himself a quick breath while the ninja in front of him returns to a more normal ensemble. "You're here because of Sakura Haruno."
"How did you know?" The boy asks, tilting his head ever so slightly.
"Oh, just a hunch." The Hokage is a master of many faces, and Kakashi finds a new one almost every time he enters this office. That is not the case today, that is exactly the bemused expression he's given his pink-haired student almost every time they've met. It all started with, 'boom headshot', he's pretty sure.
"I am here to explain my situation, and request permission to reside at Sakura Haruno's address as her tenant." The boy says. "I am Haku."
"You are an orphan?" The Hokage asks the good-natured student, already readying paperwork with the mystical ability that all high-ranking office ninjas possess to ensure the proper forms appear from mid-air. What chunin don't know, is that it's not a genjutsu, their clothes have paperwork-based seal work. The best ninjas in office-based professions have multiple copies of each seal, but for normal Jonin desk workers and the like one copy of each normal form is far more reasonable.
Kakashi still has the Anbu 'redaction' paperwork up his gloves, it was easier to keep it than to get new gloves.
"I am." Haku agrees, hands resting at his side in clear view. It's polite to leave your hands out in the open when dealing with other ninjas, not that it matters much in the face of the Hokage. Even if Kakashi wasn't here, there's a dozen different Anbu around, the boy's head would be in a box before he made a single hostile hand sign, behind his back or not. "I am also citizenshipless, not a wanted criminal, and I possess the Yuki Bloodline, Ice Release."
"You're from Kirigakure?" The Hokage asks, causing the boy to slowly nod.
"Approved, report to the Identification Office tomorrow at noon to get your civilian ID, you may apply for a Genin status and Ninja ID after one year without an incident. You are dismissed." Hiruzen is quick enough about it Kakashi can't help but gawk, even as the boy nods respectfully and takes his leave before the old man can change his mind.
"That was surprisingly simple," Kakashi says, leaning against a wall a mere foot away from the hiding spot of another ninja, subtly kicking him to tease him. "I've been worried over this for weeks."
"What did you expect?" Hiruzen asks him with a hearty, good-natured laugh. "A chance to spite Kirigakure and obtain a bloodline for the price of signing some paperwork? Why would I hesitate?"
"I dunno, security risks, inspections, the fact that he's going to live with one of your genin…" Kakashi trails.
"When you have been Hokage as long as I have, you learn to differentiate the crazy from the harmlessly crazy." Hiruzen strokes his beard, eying Kakashi, then signaling the teased ninja by Kakashi's feet that he can move. The man is clearly disappointed, leaving hiding to go sulk by the window. When an ex-Anbu commander feels the need to point out how obvious you are, you're probably getting a scolding later, and he knows it. "The boy is harmless. He likely won't even apply for that ninja opportunity next year. He'll get so into whatever craft he picks up in the meanwhile that he'll stick with it."
"I could see that." Kakashi agrees, "but why even offer that? You don't normally afford random-walk ins with that much, value."
"Well, Kakashi, you lack certain perspectives that I have. Through no fault of your own, you have lived so much bloodshed with hardly a break, that you fail to see the obvious in front of you. You're too busy looking for a much bigger trick." The Hokage pulls a pipe from his desk, lighting it with a hearty chuckle and admiring the gentle crackle of dried-out tobacco igniting. "A male bloodline without meaningful prior village attachment in any sense - a bloodline from Kirigakure has more stories about how much they hate their home than fondness - has walked into our home begging to be allowed to stay with a cute girl who will grow into a fine young woman someday."
"So you want ice babies?" Kakashi can't help but phrase it keenly.
"Yes Kakashi, I want ice babies." The Hokage admits with a smirk.
"You do realize she's already got two clan heads looking at her out of the corner of their eyes." Kakashi deadpans.
"Harem ending?" The Hokage asks. "Like in Icha Icha seven, the hard decision gone horribly right?"
"Life doesn't work like that." Kakashi groans. "That was a good book though."
"My student's genius aside. The boys have many other targets for their affection as they grow up, and I am sure this Haku will too. It doesn't matter who they make babies with, what matters is that they make babies." The Hokage snickers to himself and takes a puff from his pipe. "The village needs more super-powered babies, I can't be Hokage forever, someone needs to get ridiculously strong and take over."
"You think it'll be Naruto?" Kakashi asks.
"I sure hope not, I hope it's someone who can do it like, next year. If I'm still Hokage this time next year, I am going to start making mock holidays to mess with people… Like, give me ice babies day." He chuckles at that idea, puffing idly. "So now that we're alone in every meaning of the word that matters, give me the real report, that crap you sent in through the official channels didn't even fool the chunin."
"Will that be an issue?" Kakashi asks.
"They know better than to ask questions when the great 'Kakashi Hatake' not so subtly tells them that it's above their paygrade. I still need to know what happened to my cute genin."
"Well it all started when Sakura got bisected by her own sword, or maybe it was when she stepped on that guy's face? I'm not sure they're connected events-"
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"So this boy you allowed to live here." It only took about twenty minutes for her parents to calm down enough to allow her to leave her room, and she very quickly finds she regrets doing just that. They sit her down at the table and immediately start asking awkward questions.
At least Haku's nice enough to give her the warm food he'd been messing with. It appears he made a cheese glaze while she was stuck upstairs, that was nice of him. "Haku." She answers. "He saved my life, and in doing so got fired. I offered him a new job and a place to live."
"You get this is our house, right?" Her father can't help but ask. "You can't just offer a place without asking us."
"How was I supposed to ask?" She asks. "I mean, now I know Naruto left a clone here and he probably could have sent a message somehow but at the time, I was a country away and someone had just saved my life."
"Then, don't offer?" Her mother frowns.
"Wasn't an option, saved my life." She repeats. "Fed me too, a lot, he brought quite a few meals out to me while I was working." That said work was mostly walking on water and practicing nonsense Pokemon moves in jutsu form, doesn't need to be said, lest her parents pick that apart."
"Are you being intentionally obtuse?" Mebuki asks bluntly.
"Yes." Sakura nods, enjoying this nicely warmed and cheesified bite. Haku's the best! "But you can't deny you wouldn't have at least wanted to meet him."
"Well yes, but…" Mebuki trails.
Hizashi takes over. "Sakura, if you invite another random boy to live with you without asking us, they'll be taking your room."
"That'd be fine, I barely use it besides gaming and sleeping, I could add another bed pretty easily." Sakura shrugs.
"I mean we'll kick you out." Hizashi asserts, sternly.
"Wha-"
"The first was one thing, you were clearly misunderstanding the issue, and we raised you to have empathy. We weren't going to punish you for making a mistake, but you're an adult now, you make enough money to afford your own apartment, and if you insist on treating our home as a hotel you can do that with your own." Kizashi continues.
"..." It's not often Sakura tears up, she's very good at holding things like that back.
The Academy trained her well. This is one of those times. "So when you say boy." She asks for clarification, softly. "What if I found a homeless girl?"
"I could have a second daughter." Mebuki admits.
"Don't encourage her!" Kizashi is not impressed.
"I can pay Haku's rent." Sakura offers, "I planned to anyway, at least until they're on their feet."
"The fact that you understand how rent works kind of only proves my point." Hizashi says sternly, crossing his arms boldly and glaring her down. He makes her feel like a little girl, but he might have a point here. "Don't, do it, again."
"Now now, I really could use another daughter-"
"We will discuss that in private." Kizashi growls under his breath through grit teeth. "Don't give her room to misinterpret the point, we've been over this, most of the time it's you scolding me about it so I know you get it."
"You're right, sorry." Mebuki sighs with raised hands. "Dumb Daughter Problems First."
"DDPF." Kizashi nods.
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