Chase's POV
"How long have you been trying to fight this?" I asked her, overwhelmed at her sudden brazenness.
"Please don't embarrass me further." She said, acting like she didn't know what to do.
I laughed, because it was hella amusing.
"You shouldn't be, Emma." I reassured her. "I'm yours."
"Can't help it." She said quietly.
"I can." I laughed. "You look so beautiful, I don't think I've said that."
"Not with your mouth, no." Emma said. I liked when she was witty. It came off really sexy.
"Well, I'm saying it now." I said. No one was around, but I didn't know how she'd have felt about going beyond the kiss. I didn't want to seem like a sex crazed ex, so I kept playing it cool.
"I think we should start going back to the ceremony." She said, looking away.
I'd spent too much time thinking of what I was gonna say, and so it kept looking like I was blacking out and coming back.
On her instruction, we went back. I sat through it all, half anxious to see Gray.
I hadn't heard back from him since the meeting with his mom.
I called his home a couple of times, but there seemed to be no one home.
"I wanted to ask how it went." Emma broke into my thoughts, giving a knowing look. "With her dad."
"Same here." I replied and she looked at me really shocked. "Gray said he was gonna be the one to deliver the news. Her dad and I don't really see eye to eye" I explained.
"Poor old man." She winced.
"Back to us, Emma." I cajoled her. "It's all about the US now." I added.
"I hate to be put on the spot." She said
"I like to." I countered.
"Maybe let's discuss it later?" She suggested, obviously shying away from the discussion.
"When will it be later?" I asked her.
"After the ceremony?" She suggested.
"The rest of our lives are after the ceremony, Emma. Don't you want to talk to me?" I asked, desperately.
"I do, it's just…" She started to explain.
"I'll see you right after we're handed our certs." I said. She knew I wasn't joking.
Besides, we were gonna be sitting next to each other.
"Alright." Emma concurred.
It was a bit of a drag, but seeing Lily's face form the backdrop on the stage gave me all the reason to stay, and also Emma beside me.
"Are you bored?" Emma asked, whispering in my ears.
"Very." I replied.
"Can we do what she'd have loved to?" She asked me, a naughty smile was beginning to form on her face.
"Sure." I obliged her.
We made our way through the teeming crowd of graduates, and rounded back to where the window faced.
"How big did she want the rocks to be?" I asked Emma.
"I've got them here." Emma squealed in delight.
It was so beautiful to see that grief didn't snatch her personality away. She was still cute, and childish, and soft, and really sensitive.
"Hand them over." I instructed.
She clumsily poured all of it into my hands, and stood back.
One after the other, I pelted the principal's window.
It was just revenge for Lily, but for me it was also for the stupid shit with the 'prom theme meeting', I gained far more satisfaction than I thought I would from it.
"How are you, really?" I asked Emma, as we ducked behind one of the woods on school premises.
"Some days I'm good, on others, I'm struggling to get by." She whispered.
"I don't know how this might come off, but many times, I've wondered how easy your life would be without me." I divulged.
There was a moment's silence, during which Emma stirred to see if we were alone in the school yard once again.
"It hurts to say, but that's not true." She countered.
Her gentle voice dissuaded what I'd always thought, putting a smile on my face.
"Lunch at my place?" I said what had been at the tip of my tongue for minutes.
"How many of us are you having over?" She asked, looking away.
"Just you." I replied, playing her game.
"Just lunch?" She asked again, trying to hide the pretty smile that was crawling on her face.
"Just lunch." I affirmed.
"I'm gonna have to decline." Emma said, looking me in the eye.
I searched her eyes, she had to be joking, but they held no humor in them.
We just had a moment, and we were bonding well. I didn't understand why she was avoiding me.
"Is there something I did wrong?" I asked, my heart racing, "Is it something I said? You want me to have people over? You dont want it to be at my house? You don't wanna come over? Do I come over? Do we just go out? Do you want to bring someone?" I swear I didn't know how to stop the train of thoughts in my head or the words in my mouth.
"Stop! Chase! Stop! Please!" Emma screamed.
"Why?" I shouted. "I thought we were having a moment there, Emma. You don't even want to be around me. Do you really hate me that much?" I asked.
I didn't know what else she held back for.
If she yearned for me, like I did her, we'd be tearing our clothes in mad sex.
"It's just…" She started to explain, but trailed off.
"The only thing stopping you ,Emma, is you." I said, her eyes had begun to glisten with tears in them, and so had mine, "just tell me you don't want me anymore and I'll go." It killed me to say it, but I needed some sort of finality.
"I can't!" She yelled.
"Why?!" I asked, matching her tone.
"Cause I'll hurt you." Nothing else could've hurt me more than that.
That just nullified everything I thought we had.
The hugs, the kiss we shared.
"I'm sorry, Chase." She said, wiping the tears that had begun to smudge her makeup off. "I had just one rule, and you broke it." It casted my mind back to that night, the night before I gave her my ring.
I had no excuse, so I took a big step back.
"I have to go now." She said,
I was too hurt, too broken to speak, so I acknowledged with a nod. "I'll be waiting for you." One step after the other, the love of my life drew farther away from me.
An ill thought idea creeped into my mind, and I raced after her.
"Is there someone else?" I asked her. That could be the one reason she could let what we had go. She was supposed to be my wife.
"What the fuck, Chase?!" I had gone too far to be embarrassed.
"Yeah, tell me. Or don't you think I deserve to know that too?" I asked her.
"Chase please, you're being unreasonable." She said,
It stung me, deep.
"Emma, please." My heart was broken, yet unyielding.
"Goodbye, Chase." She said, and walked faster than she did earlier.
There was nothing to explain or mistake again.
She didn't want me anymore.
I dragged myself to my car, and then home.
I was lonely, broken, hurt and damaged.
No one could poke me deeper than she did.
At home, like I had done for the past weeks, I poured myself a glass, and drank, shot after shot, till I could think about it without wanting to kill somebody.