Chase's POV
After speaking to Emma's mom, every tinge of sleep in my eye fled.
I had suddenly become the center of everyone's attention.
I kept things away from her, not because of how my dad would feel, but how scared she would get. I watched it happen once, I was gonna watch it happen again.
It was around eleven am when I called my guy, Gray.
I hadn't spoken with him in almost twelve hours.
I wanted to know how he got home, and most importantly, how he was feeling.
"Hey, what's up?" He picked up the phone.
"How are you?" I asked him.
I was feeling like a harbinger of bad news. He was still going through Lily's demise, and I was still making my mind up on telling him how stuff was going with the investigation into Mike's death.
It was fast becoming a state issue, and one paper already published the story.
I hated the popularity it was gaining. It's not what I had in mind when I asked Gray to go on, and even funded it. All sorts of thoughts were keeping my tired eyes wide awake.
"I'm, I'm coping." I was hoping he'd say something that'd give me an open door, making the news I was about to break easier.
"I'm so sorry about Lily, man. No one meant for that to happen." I said, stalling.
"It's life. So fucking sad." He said in a very gloomy voice.
"It's not always that way though. I need you to be strong." I begged.
"For how long, Chase?" He asked.
It's not what I meant to discuss, but I liked the fact that he was coming out to me.
He sounded so cool with it all last night, worse still he was there at the hospital.
"I wish I had answers, Gray. I don't." I answered truthfully. "If I did, I wouldn't be so miserable myself. I cannot afford to have you as gloomy as I am. We have to be strong , Man."
"I have so much baggage, man." He said, breaking into tears.
"You don't have to be so sad about it." I consoled him.
"It's fine." He said, soaking up all the tears. "You wanted to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, uh, I wanted, uhm, I just wanted to ask, are you sure…?" I kept stuttering.
"I don't know how to feel, man." He said again, breaking into tears. "When will it all end? Why? Sorry, I was just, uhm, in my feelings." He said again.
"I understand, Gray. I'm not gonna tell you to be a man about it, cause there's nothing as such.. Just keep telling me how much better I can show my love for you, man, I wanna help you. You may not know right where you're going, but it'll make sense. All the feelings you're not showing, I get it, it's the truth, I swear to you. It'll make sense, soon."
"I miss the old us man." He breathed heavily. "I wish that I was good enough for her. If only I could wake her up, man."
I sensed that he wanted to talk about her, only, so I decided to hold the other conversation off till later.
"I do too, sometimes. We can't fight growth, man." I said.
"Sad stuff." I heard his sniff.
"I'll give you time to relax. What I wanted to say is pretty urgent, but I can chill off for the next two hours. I'll call you then." I said
I cut the phone, and sat back in my despair hoping for the two hours to run out.
I checked my phone a million times for texts from Emma, but each time, it was the same outcome.
She probably didn't even remember that I existed .
I thought, and rethought texting her. She was grieving, and my mind was making me seem so worthless.
I couldn't even stand seeing her in such a shape.
Worst still, her mom thinks I do not love her.
Regardless of how it started, I was so fucking in love with her.
I had literally no strength left to fight, but I had to, if I still wanted her.
I checked all my socials, hoping I'd see her recent activities, but there was nothing. She'd become a ghost of herself, letting me deal with how quickly I was losing her.
I rubbed my temples, thinking about what sort of life I had found myself in.
I began to get so anxious, I started worrying about what might be going on with her.
I was pacing and panting.
I knew I needed to do something to take my mind off, cause the whole thing was eating me inside, too deeply.
I was trying to fix everyone else, when in reality, I was sinking.
I'd got nothing to eat in almost a day, living only from shot to shot.
My eyelids were too heavy to keep open, but I was too restless to keep them close.
One glance at the time told me it was far past when I promised to call Gray back, so I hit him up.
"You better now, mate?" I asked him.
"Kinda." He replied.
He really did sound better, and for that, I was grateful.
"I was gonna talk about the, um, your uncle Mike's case." I said.
"I saw it on the news." He offered, dryly.
It was a topic that used to be really sensitive, but he didn't sound so sure, I saw it as progress. Well, maybe one tragedy outweighed the other.
"Yeah. It's making waves. I'm happy you didn't take it down." I wasn't saying that just to put a smile on his face, actually did mean it.
I wished I did." He said, quietly. "It's pointless." He added as an afterthought.
I was shocked that he'd say such a thing.
"You don't mean that." I said in disbelief .
"I do. Trust me." He replied to me.
I wondered where that energy was coming from.
It was literally an issue that almost caused a big rift between us. At the time, Gray would have died rather than give it up. He hated Emma for it, he had resentment towards Lily for ever supporting Emma over him.
"No you don't." I reiterated.
"Whatever, man. I don't have the mental strength for any of that." He said.
"Well, whether you do, or not, you need to realize that this shit has gotten far bigger than the both of us." I said, introducing my discovery.
"I don't care, Chase. None of these makes sense." Gray interrupted.
"Lily's death is not the end of the world, Gray." I blurted, rather thoughtlessly. I really wished I could pick back what I said, but I could head cut the call.
I felt bad, but I still needed to see him
I couldn't trust my dad. His instructions came with immediate effects.
I couldn't toy with the situation at hand for Gray's own good.
I drove badly to his place.
The wind blowing against the direction I went in almost put me to sleep. That was literally the scariest ride I'd had in my life, cause I dozed off twice on the steering wheel.
"Is he home?" I asked with all sense of urgency as soon as I let myself into his house.
I saw his dad and mom having a go at it, right there in the living room.
There was no point in pretending like I hadn't already seen them, or faking decent. I'd like to see Gray." I said again.
"Well, he's up in his man cave." His mom replied, laughing.
I gave one or two nervous chuckles and went up in search of him. Their house was quite tall, I still hadn't counted the storeys, but it had a little elevator that Gray and I used to smoke in at some point. We tried so many cra6shit as kids in the elevator, cause there was no cam in it, Gray destroyed it.
"Yo man." I announced my presence.
Gray had a knack for music, and in reality, had started making good music.
He was listening to some beat or something, and had his head bent, and his eyes closed.
"We need to talk man." I said, tearing his headphones off.
"I don't feel like talking about anything." He didn't struggle to get them back, he just sat with his head bent and stared hard at the floor.
It's the first time I'd seen circles so dark around his eyes.
His bed looked so neatly made which was strange, cause Gray was never really a tidy person. He probably didn't sleep all night.
"You've got to take things easy." I said, reading the room.
"I am." He replied sharply, looking at me.
"Oh, no. I don't mean this one." I clarified. "This needs all urgency." I added. "Your moms life is at risk, Gray." I said, bluntly.
I was expecting some charged reaction, seeing that he had just lost the love of his life and had just gotten his mom back.