Emma's POV
Nothing mattered anymore.
Not the curfew, not anything.
Lily was gone. A joke, a really big joke.
I sat, almost lifeless myself, outside the hospital.
I was having trouble connecting it all. Life was cruel to me. I kept mulling about how horrible my existence was, stopping only to laugh when my brain made the cruel joke that I no longer had to avoid her. She was gone. The universe had done my job for me.
It was even funnier to think that I had wished only about two hours ago, to never see her again.
I felt like shit. The air in my lungs was stuck, and breathing got increasingly difficult.
I thought I was done with the hardest part of the night when we had all those confessions, or confrontations, whatever. Only for that to happen.
"Please let's go home." Chase broke into everyone else's mourning.
I cuddled her brother, and he rested his head on my chest.
The little boy was a little too fatigued, and had slept off.
Tear marks on his face reminded me of how much damage had been done.
In the span of one week, he lost his mom, and his sister.
Chase lifted him out of my hands and carried him into the car.
I joined them. Gray was inconsolable. He looked really pitiful. Nothing anyone said cut through his grief.
"I'll just get you a ride."Chase considered after persuading him to get in his car.
All of us knew he wasn't fit to drive.
His one sweetheart, whom he never really had a proper chance with was gone, for good.
Almost every minute, he broke fresh new sobs. I could only imagine all that was passing through his mind and kept reminding him.
Lily, who seemed like a bad guy only hours ago, was the reason all of us were plunged into such emotional darkness.
The weight was getting heavy for my mind to bear. Chase soon got a ride to take Gray back, after much fuss, and soon settled in the driver's seat of his own car, where we had been waiting for him.
He put his hand on mine, and I didn't fight it off. My heart was a ghost town. I actually needed someone to lean on. I was so freaking tired of it all.
"Everything's gonna be alright." He consoled, leaning close to me.
My head was bent. Maybe in the future, it'd all come down, but it was killing me.
"When?" I groaned. "These prices I'm paying are so fucking expensive." I cried.
I had lost a lot, a whole fucking lot.
Lily went with a part of me I'm sure was irreplaceable.
"She said she always wanted to die with a smile." Chase said, pulling me closer. "And no 'freaking tears'." He said, just the way Lily would have put it.
I broke a chuckle or two through my tears. It really did sound like something she'd have said.
"Did she say she wanted to go with her red lipstick too?" I asked. I felt better thinking about the good times, than the much recent storm our relationship hit.
I felt so horrible that it had to end on that note.
"She mentioned that." He affirmed.
At that moment, I didn't feel jealous or anything, just hurt. I liked that Chase talked about her, I wanted to talk about her. But my tongue was heavy and my throat parched.
"Let's go home." He said, finally. "We have to think of how to put it to her dad." He said, sadly.
I wasn't looking forward to that part, at all.
"I wanna go home." I replied.
My mascara and concealer had washed down my face. I'm sure I looked like something from Halloween, but the severity of what happened made no one find it funny.
My sanity was slipping off slowly.
The ride was gentle and pensive.
Each one in their thoughts.
I kept stealing glances at the little boy who didn't even stir. I'm an only child, so I couldn't even imagine how he felt.
The evening was slowly bleeding into a very dark and rainy night.
Even the sky was crying.
I watched how the wipers on the windscreen kept working effortlessly to keep the water from distorting our view. It was a whole fucking mood. I couldn't wait to be tucked in bed, so I could cry to my heart's content.
"He could stay in my room." Chase said as he parked in his dads garage.
As of that morning, I'd call anyone who told me I'd ride in the same car as Chase back home, crazy.
How tables turn!
"You don't have to say anything." He said when we settled in a spot.
"Thank you." I croaked and got out of the car, leaving most of my stuff behind.
"Hey little man." He said, rousing the little boy from sleep.
We were soon on our way inside.
I saw my mom pacing. Mark was sitting on the arm of a couch, not looking exactly pleased.
"Hey." I greeted, and headed for my room.
"Where do you think you are off to, young woman?" My mom yelled. "You walk in here, without your shoes and bag, leave the door open, and think you have a room to go to?!" She screamed.
My mental health was already poor as it stood, and I really couldn't take any more confrontations.
"Let her go." He said from behind me.
I could sense the shock my mom and Mark felt, as the house soon became quiet.
"Hello, son." Mark said in an animated voice.
"I'd like to put him to bed. I'll be down right after." I heard my mom gasp, she was probably just noticing the little boy.
"I'll come help you," She offered, trailing behind Chase.
It's the last I heard before shutting my door.
I had more than enough for a day.
When I woke up to her voice in the morning, lord knows I wished for more mornings like those.
I wanted to spend my post-Chase era living my life to the full.
I wanted to feel and experience everything. The club was just day one of a grand plan of maximum reckless young adult fun.
The universe just had to nip it in the bud.
Too tired to scrub my messy makeup off, I fell into my sheets, and wished for sleep to come.
"I wish I knew." I found myself repeating a lot of times through the read. I'd have loved her more, made more memories. I guess we'll see wherever it is dead people go.
It didn't stop the tears from wetting my pillow.
Nothing could console me.
"Can I come in?" Chase asked, leaving my door half open.
"Did he wake up?" I asked instead.
"No." He replied. Fully entering and shutting the door behind him, "He's sleeping quite deeply." He said, and nervously shuffled his feet.
I was backing him, and definitely wasn't gonna turn back to see him.
It was the beginning of the fear of everyone I ever loved being snatched away from me.
I didn't see the need to build anymore relationships, to relate with any more people.
"Can I help with anything?" He finally asked after an awkward moment of extended silence.
"No." I replied sharply.
"Goodnight." He said immediately, and walked out.
I felt the exact opposite of the relief I expected to feel.
I hoped for something to scream in his ears that I meant the exact opposite of what I said.
My emotions were just as confused as I was. It felt like no one could understand the pain I was feeling. My brain was in an overdrive, trying to make sense of the loss.
I was hurt, and angry, angry at Lily for doing what she did, angry at myself for not finding out sooner, angry at myself for being angry at Chase, angry with Gray, angry with Jessica, angry at Chase for not figuring out sooner, angry at Lily for not telling me sooner, angry that I didn't give her the "Get Well Soon" card personally, as I had planned, maybe I'd have hugged her and all the shit that happened would be water under the bridge.
"You should've said something, Lily." I heard myself crying out loud, stuffing the pillow in my face cause I didn't want any pity party.
My emotions were conflicted. I felt a large chunk of guilt and regret.
There are so many things I could've done to make the night go better.
She obviously OD'd because of everything happening.
"We had so much unfinished business, Lily, how dare you go like that?!" I screamed and threw everything in my way in all directions.
Finally, I was drained of all energy to think, stand, feel sad, reflect on what happened, or even cry.