"Mrs. Tu, can you stop calling me in the middle of the night?" I roared.
Quite unusually, there wasn't any shouting in response, but instead a sweet laugh that made one's skin crawl, "Xiao Xin, I have a birthday gift for you, actually, it's a surprise."
"Surprise?!" I was startled. What was this woman up to now?
A cough came from beside me. I looked down to see Evil man weakly raising a hand while grasping his undies with the other, "I am――the surprise. But right now, I am very terrified, so please, female superhero, spare my life."
I was on the verge of tears.
On the other end of the phone, Mrs. Tu, still very gossip-y and excitedly, went on and on, "What happened? What happened? Has he appeared? Well then, enjoy; he is the most expensive top-notch cowherd, known as the Night King, excellent in both looks and skills, with a good service attitude. Don't be shy, an imbalance of yin and yang can make one's personality weird and age faster. Remember to learn to enjoy your body, chasing true love is so outdated. You're great in every way, just a bit too naïve and timid, totally out of touch with reality."
I just don't want to mess around with someone without true love, even if it means staying chaste until ninety-nine, living like a nun, so what? Isn't this the era of personal sexual freedom? This is just the way I am!
I angrily hung up the phone, ran to unplug the landline, and even yanked out the bell wire. I stormed back to the living room, only to find that Mr. Night King had already dressed, moving quite fast; I wondered whether that broken red underwear was still on or off.
"Leave now, or I'll not be polite," I warned, hands clasped together, trying to seem threatening. But my hands were too soft and white, my knuckles couldn't even make a snapping sound, they made me look more like I was rubbing my hands excitedly at the prospect of a feast.
Night King walked over.
I thought I kept my neckline quite conservative, but he somehow produced a business card and slipped it into my bra strap hidden under my outer garments without once touching my skin, his movement light and practiced, non-offensive yet slightly frivolous.
"My name is Xi Lin, Sister, if you ever want to find a haven of love in the city and experience its warmth, you can find me," he breathed in my direction and flashed a heart-stopping smile.
I nearly asked him: Did Mr. Lin switch from pickpocketing to the entertainment business, or had he practiced plucking soap from boiling water since childhood? His hands were just that nimble.
But my teeth were so sore I had no strength to speak; I just pointed to the front door.
Instead of moving towards the exit as expected, he went back to the couch and sat down, "Sister, we have professional ethics, after taking the money, naturally, I must stay here all night. That Sister Tu said you are an anime fan; I even specifically dressed in a Superman costume, very dedicated to the job. Though she didn't say anything about an S-M segment, otherwise the price would be higher."
"When did I S-M you?" I grabbed his collar, tempted to throw him from the twelfth floor.
"Look, look, you're bullying me again!" He acted as if we were close, "You nearly broke my spine when you threw me, isn't that violent enough?"
"Believe it or not, if you keep talking nonsense, I'll turn you into a soft-bodied animal?"
"Believe, believe, believe!" He kept agreeing while standing up. However, he didn't roll out the front door, but instead turned on the lights, blew out the candles, and then turned off the music that had been playing all along.
It seemed Mrs. Tu planned this in advance, and my few best friends were accomplices, otherwise they wouldn't have dragged it out until almost midnight before letting me home, and Lao Bai had left ten minutes early. He had the keys to my apartment; truly, I had trusted the wrong friends.
"Where were you hiding before?" I had to make sure; if he had seen me bathing or changing, I'd gouge out his eyeballs!
"In the kitchen cupboard," Xi Lin showed a look of disgust, sniffing at his own clothes.
I breathed a sigh of relief; that was where the mops and rags were kept, far from both the bathroom and bedroom. It must have been because I was too focused on peeling apples, and the house had carpets, so I didn't notice him creeping over quietly; otherwise, it would have been embarrassing for a person from Martial Arts.
"Get out already!" My eyebrows were frowning again.
Xi Lin looked pitiful, "Sister, if you don't want me, it's fine. Just consider it a good deed for the day and let me stay here tonight. Otherwise, if Sister Tu finds out I left now, she might not pay me. It's tough for us who sell our youth; don't deny me the chance to earn a living. I have an eighty-year-old mother to support, a child who needs milk, and a wife with advanced gastric cancer――"
"Enough, don't you have any fresh material?"
"Yes, yes, yes," Xi Lin smiled ingratiatingly, actually, he was quite handsome, "Look, with the room fully lit, even if I had any bad intentions, I couldn't overpower you. Let's just pity a homeless drifter, shall we? Or else, you go to sleep, and I'll stay up to keep watch for Sister. Stop glaring at me, please? I'm scared. Or we could watch a DVD together; do you have any good ones?"
I really wanted to kick him out straight away, but if he was too scared to leave the building, and ended up sitting outside my door all night, my neighbors would gossip if they saw him the next morning, and my unblemished reputation would be ruined. Besides, he seemed harmless enough, more of a pest than anything, the kind that could be dealt with a spray of insecticide, so I reluctantly let him start searching through my DVD collection.
"What's this DVD? It's not labeled; let's see what it is," he put a disc into the player, then poured tea for me, and took the trouble to wash the apple I'd cut, chopping it into pieces, sticking toothpicks in them, and handing them to me. He ended up massaging my shoulders from behind the couch.
By that point, all my anger had dissipated, I might not need a cowherd, but having a servant to attend to me wasn't so bad.
I sat like the Empress Dowager, eating, drinking, and watching the DVD; it turned out to be a building's ribbon-cutting ceremony. As I watched, I threw aside the food, drink, and the servant, and ran to stand in front of the TV, eyes glued to the screen.
They say in a person's life, there will be twenty thousand people who are highly compatible with oneself, and I never knew where my twenty thousand were?
But today, I, Huxin, a veterinarian with an undiscovered superpower, plain and ordinary in appearance and already twenty-nine years old, saw my dream lover for the first time, on a DVD.
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