Chapter 78 The Coldness and Passion
Qian Shaowen was discharged from the hospital. Yan Ruozhe didn't go back with him, but instead got into Li Xin's car, a silent declaration of where her allegiance now lay.
'About announcing your and my relationship to the reporters, we should wait a bit. Let's wait until the divorce proceedings with Shaowen are finalized.' Yan Ruozhe said, her face devoid of expression, a mask hiding the turmoil within. Then she closed her eyes, a brief retreat. Her relationship with Li Xin was hardly honorable; thrust into the sunlight, it would undoubtedly unleash a torrent of gossip and judgment. She could already anticipate it, and the thought made her eyebrows furrow slightly, a flicker of unease.
Li Xin knew that Yan Ruozhe was different from her. Unlike herself, who couldn't care less about what the outside world thought or said, Yan Ruozhe was the type with thin skin, burdened by many concerns, trapped by her own sense of propriety.
'Yan Ruozhe, I'm not forcing you to do anything. I just want you to acknowledge my feelings, to accept them.' Li Xin looked at Yan Ruozhe's closed eyes. She's still shutting me out, even now. In truth, Yan Ruozhe still didn't understand her heart. Actually, she was easily satisfied; just a few sweet words from her, and she would agree to anything, a pathetic weakness she despised in herself.
Yan Ruozhe slowly opened her eyes and looked at Li Xin. Li Xin was looking at her, her eyes holding a certain sadness, a vulnerability that seemed utterly foreign. This kind of sadness seemed incongruous on Li Xin's face. The Li Xin she knew never showed such an expression. She often smiled playfully, seductively, as if constantly trying to entice people, a practiced mask of allure.
'What do you want me to do?' Yan Ruozhe asked, her tone as if she were dealing with a business matter, clinical and detached. She didn't understand matters of the heart, but she had already categorized Li Xin as a 'business matter.' And she always treated business matters with utmost seriousness. Whatever Li Xin wanted, she would comply, a duty to be fulfilled.
Li Xin's heart felt a bitter ache. She's treating me like a task, an obligation. Before, her work always came before her; now, she was treating her like work. At least it proved that her position in Yan Ruozhe's heart had moved up a notch, a pathetically small victory.
'What I want you to do and what you yourself want to do are two different things.' Li Xin averted her gaze from Yan Ruozhe, speaking softly. The difference in meaning between the two was vast. 'Besides, loving you is my own affair. My loving you doesn't mean you'll love me back. I've been forcing a melon that doesn't belong to me.' Li Xin said with self-deprecating mockery. But even if the forced melon wasn't sweet, she wanted this melon. Perhaps she was inherently obsessive, a creature of relentless pursuit.
Yan Ruozhe pursed her lips. She didn't like hearing Li Xin's tone. She had never actively pursued her; it was Li Xin who kept pursuing her. Yet, she was acting like the victim. Truly distasteful.
'You could have chosen not to pick it. You had a choice. Since you picked it, even if it's bitter, swallow it. There's no point in complaining to the heavens and blaming others.' Yan Ruozhe said coldly. Li Xin, the one who forcefully picked the melon, felt wronged? What about the melon, which had no choice but to be picked? But what was the use of feeling wronged? What was owed must be repaid, a debt she was now bound to fulfill.
'Yan Ruozhe, you really are an unlikable woman. Why am I so damn hung up on you?' Li Xin stopped the car, turning her body towards Yan Ruozhe, her face moving closer, an invasion of space. Yan Ruozhe's words had angered her. If she had a choice, she wouldn't have lived so miserably for the past five years. But this cold-hearted woman was still speaking so flippantly, so utterly detached from her suffering.
'You'll have to ask yourself that.' Yan Ruozhe completely ignored Li Xin's face, which had become even more striking due to her anger, a dangerous beauty. She also wanted to know why Li Xin had to choose her.
Hearing this, Li Xin's anger, surprisingly, subsided. Yan Ruozhe was indeed blameless. Her not loving her back wasn't actually her fault, was it? Now, acting like this would probably only make her dislike her even more, a self-destructive impulse she couldn't seem to control. Li Xin, as a surgeon, was usually a very calm person as long as she didn't encounter emotional matters. But once she did, everything fell apart, her reason consumed by this all-consuming need.
'Yan Ruozhe, what kind of person do you like?' Li Xin calmed down, her fingertip lightly tracing Yan Ruozhe's cheek, a possessive, almost predatory touch, raising an eyebrow as she asked. It seemed she had never asked Yan Ruozhe this question before.
In fact, if Li Xin's tone hadn't been so excessive, Yan Ruozhe's personality wouldn't have actively argued with Li Xin. Seeing Li Xin rein in her temper, Yan Ruozhe's own aggression subsided. Yan Ruozhe had always been someone who met strength with strength and weakness with weakness. Just like the little traps Shi Yunyang set for her, they only served to ignite her fighting spirit and resilience.
'I don't know.' Yan Ruozhe answered truthfully. She had never considered this question. She used to be straight; her ideal image of Prince Charming was someone like Qian Shaowen. It was just that taking care of Qian Shaowen and managing Qian Corporation took up so much of her energy that she had no time for anything else. The seed of budding romantic feelings, before it could even sprout, had long since withered and died, leaving her emotionally barren.
'Why not think about it now?' Li Xin said, her voice a seductive whisper.
Yan Ruozhe scanned her emotionally desolate brain with a very rational attitude. It was barren, utterly devoid of romantic notions. She couldn't imagine anything.
'I can't think of anything. But, I think liking your type would be a bit challenging.' Yan Ruozhe said honestly, brutally so.
This answer was a blow to Li Xin. 'Why?' Li Xin asked, her voice laced with hurt and defiance. What was wrong with her? Li Xin believed she was a perfect lover, a prize to be won. Little did she know, Yan Ruozhe didn't want a perfect lover; she wanted a normal person, someone grounded in reality, not a whirlwind of chaos.
'Firstly, you're a doctor with specialized skills, yet you abandon your profession to become someone's mistress. This shows that your attitude towards life is frivolous. I don't like people who aren't serious about life. Secondly, as a doctor, you should have professional ethics, yet you disregarded them for personal reasons. Although this matter concerns me, it still shows that you lack strong principles. Thirdly, you spend money like water, living extravagantly and wastefully, focusing on appearance, which makes you seem superficial. Fourthly, you look too... dangerous. You don't look like a decent woman. However, I'm your mistress, so my dislikes won't affect my performance of my duties.' Yan Ruozhe, ever the pragmatist, listed four reasons why she disliked Li Xin, a cold, calculated assessment.
Li Xin's heart ached listening to this. The first and second points were because of the woman in front of her! As for the third, Zuo Qinghuan had warned her, and she had been paying attention. The fourth was even more unfair. Her mother had given her this face; it wasn't her fault. She also wanted to look like Zuo Qinghuan, like a little fairy. But she was definitely a good woman; Zuo Qinghuan could vouch for that, a desperate attempt to salvage her image.
'The first and second points only show that I'm steadfast in love, putting feelings first. It means I'm a person who values relationships. Someone like that is great as a partner; they'll treat you well for a lifetime, putting you first. As for the third, I can change. And fourth, judging by appearance is discriminatory!' Li Xin argued seriously, desperate to defend herself. The same situation could be interpreted differently.
'Sophistry,' Yan Ruozhe said dismissively, unmoved by Li Xin's pleas.
'Don't I have any good qualities?' Is there nothing redeeming about me in your eyes? Surely she had at least some small merit in Yan Ruozhe's eyes?
The old Li Xin, aside from her skills in bed, truly had no merits in Yan Ruozhe's eyes. But now, Yan Ruozhe suddenly remembered before and after Shaowen's surgery, Li Xin's reassuring smile, a brief glimpse of the woman beneath the surface.
'Your medical skills seem to be quite good.' Yan Ruozhe was an objective person. Although Li Xin's professional ethics were still lacking, her medical skills were undoubtedly excellent. Shaowen's surgery had such a low success rate, yet Li Xin succeeded. Li Xin indeed had a talent for medicine. What a waste those five years were; otherwise, how many more people could she have saved?, a flicker of regret, quickly suppressed.
'What else?' Li Xin felt that this wasn't the point, not the kind of praise she craved. Even saying she was good in bed would be more valuable than praising her medical skills.
'Nothing else.' Yan Ruozhe couldn't think of any other merits Li Xin possessed, a blunt and devastating assessment.
'I'm a great cook, a master chef level, really! I'm also very good at housework; I'll do all the chores in the future. And I have a great figure, it can be considered the golden ratio...' Since Yan Ruozhe couldn't remember her good qualities, Li Xin decided to promote herself, to let Yan Ruozhe fully recognize her strengths, a desperate sales pitch.
'Aren't you going to drive?' Yan Ruozhe interrupted Li Xin's increasingly outrageous words, reminding her that they had been parked on the side of the road for a long time. Li Xin's words were always unreliable and frivolous, coupled with her flirtatious appearance, she really didn't seem like a serious woman, a carefully constructed image that was starting to crack.
'Don't you think I'm great?' Li Xin asked, not giving up, like a child who wouldn't give up until they got their candy, a childish persistence that was both irritating and strangely endearing.
'I'm really great, just give me a try...' Li Xin, seeing no reaction from Yan Ruozhe, was like a relentless salesperson, insisting on giving a free sample for the customer to try, a final, desperate plea.
Yan Ruozhe looked at Li Xin and found it amusing, a flicker of genuine amusement. She never knew Li Xin could be so comical, so utterly lacking in self-awareness.
________________________________________
If you want more chapters, please consider supporting my page on Patreon. with 30 advanced chapters available on Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/GirlsLove1