It had been another three months, and still, Claude couldn't do a damn thing! He had no idea what Theo even wanted from him.
The man made him tense just by being in the same room, especially when they were alone together.
It was like Theo was waiting for something, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what.
His tiny baby brain was still haunted by that bizarre night three months ago.
'What did Theo even mean back then? What could he possibly want with a baby? Kidnapping, seriously? Who even 'was' this guy?'
He had more questions than answers and, annoyingly, he couldn't speak yet to demand any.
At the moment, though, he was on the floor, learning how to crawl, and frankly, he was killing it. His chubby arms and legs moved naturally as fast as he could.
'I've been through hell in my first life, working hard, being rejected by women, lost in games, being rejected by my parents, crawling isn't even that hard.' his smile turned into a smug one.
"Come here, darling, come to Mama!" Dalia cooed from the other side of the room, kneeling with her hands clapped together in encouragement.
'Pffft, this is child's play,' Claude thought. 'I could probably crawl my way out of this house if I wanted to.'
'And next time Theo sneaks in here in the middle of the night? Oh, I'll be 'gone'. I'll crawl the shit out of here.'
With an air of confidence, he started crawling toward his mother, faster than any baby his age should. Dalia beamed with pride, clapping her hands like he'd just won a marathon.
"My baby, my little genius! Look at you go, Claude!" she praised as she scooped him up, showering his fat cheeks with kisses.
'Yes, yes, praise me more woman! I'm the most genius baby alive!'
Just as he was basking in the affection, the door creaked open. His entire body jolted, freezing mid-cuddle as Theo stepped into the room.
Claude's smile instantly vanished, replaced by a deadpan baby glare as Theo strolled in, completely clueless.
"Looks like our son can crawl now, huh?" he said, settling next to Dalia with a proud grin as if he didn't sneak to his room in the middle of the night with his 'friend' to kidnap him.
The audacity of the man in front of him was making him sick and the fact that he has a genuine, sweet smile made Claude more scared of him.
His baby instincts kicked in. He squinted, revved up his spit, and launched it straight at Theo's face—but Theo, that slippery bastard, caught it mid-air like some kind of ninja.
That man used to be spit on by Claude whenever they met, so it was natural for him to dodge it.
"And apparently, he spits when he's happy too." Theo chuckled, casually pinching his cheek like nothing had happened.
"I know, right? He's just the cutest thing!" Dalia chimed in, oblivious to the baby's internal rage, kissing his cheek again.
Claude could feel the fury bubbling inside him. He decided to give them the glare, when he was still Matt, that glare was enough to make a mother hide their children.
But now, how were they not getting this? He was glaring with all the might his baby face could muster, and yet they just laughed.
Theo let out a deep laugh, pointing at Claude's scrunched-up face. "He looks like a little black rain frog when he's mad, doesn't he?"
Claude's tiny baby soul was shattered.
'A WHAT?! A black rain frog?! You mean those ugly, round, squishy things with tiny legs?!'
If he had the ability to gasp, he would've. Instead, all he could do was mentally scream profanities.
"Fuck you! Fuck you, Theo!" he shouted as loud as he could, willing his curse to escape his baby lips.
But instead, what came out was a garbled, "Pa! Pa!"
Both parents froze, eyes wide.
"Did… did he just say 'Papa'?" Theo gasped, his hands covering his mouth in shock.
"Oh my God! He did! His first word!" Dalia squealed, her face lighting up in utter joy.
Claude was beside himself with frustration. "No! Not 'Papa!' I said 'Fuck!"
He tried again, "Fa! Fa!"
But no, Dalia was already screaming with delight, scooping him up again. "He's saying 'Papa'! Oh my sweet boy!"
His internal scream grew louder. He was cursing them both out in his mind, yet the only sound escaping his lips was a pitiful, "Pa! Pa!"
Theo, of course, was beaming with pride. "I knew my boy loved me!" he said, his eyes watery.
Claude's whole world was crumbling. 'ARRGGHH!!! THESE IDIOT PARENTS!'
He wanted to punch something, but his pudgy baby fists couldn't even form properly and just flail in the air, making him look even more adorable.
However, he has another weapon to stop all of this bullshit. Yes, the only thing a baby could do and no one dared to intervene. That was crying!
"HUAAAAA! HUUAAAA!"
He wailed dramatically, tears streaming down his cheeks as his baby lungs screamed in protest. That cry was full of rage and humiliation.
Dalia and Theo rushed to comfort him, completely oblivious to the volcano of rage inside their "precious little boy."
Meanwhile, he was busy plotting his revenge. 'Theo, you're going down... just wait until I learn to walk.'
"Oh my, don't cry, baby! Are you hungry? Do you want mommy's milk?"
Dalia's panic was clear, and without hesitation, she opened her shirt and brought him close, soothing him in the only way she knew would work.
It was working though, Claude absolutely loved that boobs as he sucked on it and felt the milk flowed into his mouth.
His eyes gazed at Theo and smirked, as if he was the winner since the man couldn't get Dalia's tits now!
The two of them were him only!
He smirked around his mother's breast, eyes gleaming with victory. 'Yeah, that's right, Theo. Who's winning now? These are mine, buddy. All mine. Sucks to be you.'
He sucked harder, as if that would somehow prove his dominance in this bizarre baby-adult showdown.
'I'm going to steal Mom's attention completely, and there won't be a thing you can do about it!'
Claude, ever the schemer, couldn't help himself. With all the pettiness he could muster, he raised his tiny middle finger and flipped Theo off.
His smirk deepened as he imagined the sheer insult he'd just delivered.
But then, to his utter shock, Theo's face lit up—not with anger, but with... joy?
"Dalia! Look, he gave me the middle finger!" Theo gasped, his expression stupidly proud.
"Oh, that's so sweet!" Dalia gushed, completely missing the point.
"He loves you so much! Look at him, he's so smart!" She pinched his chubby cheek, grinning like she'd just witnessed a miracle.
Claude blinked in disbelief. 'What the hell kind of twisted universe is this?!'
He stared at them, wide-eyed, unable to comprehend how these two buffoons could completely misinterpret his act of defiance.
Dalia leaned in and cooed, "Aww, my darling Claude, the middle finger means 'I love you' here." She kissed him again, leaving him completely speechless.
'Wait, what?!' Claude's cheek started to redden in sheer humiliation.
'So... flipping people off in this world is some kind of love language?'
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He had just been expressing love to Theo!
The horror.
Dalia's voice softened, tinged with a hint of sadness. "I'm just a little sad you gave your first words and your love to your father before me."
Claude nearly choked. 'My first words? My LOVE?!' His mind raced as embarrassment flooded him.
He wanted to disappear, to die and be reborn into a world that made sense.
'Damn this stupid world!!!' Claude screams internally, overwhelmed with frustration.
He abruptly let go of his mother's breast and burst into tears, crying louder than ever. His humiliation was too much to bear. It seemed like not only his body was now changed into a baby, his mind was also back into a six month old baby.
Dalia and Theo, naturally, went into full panic mode, rushing to console him. But he was inconsolable—his baby dignity was shattered, and now he was stuck in this ridiculous reality.