"I've realized a few things about myself. First off, I feel extremely horny for some reason—probably because some god somewhere is having a good laugh at my expense. These past couple of days have put me in situations where I've had a so-called 'why boner' more times than I care to admit."
"Of course, I've always had more female subordinates than male, which has always made me feel like I'm stuck in some sort of reverse harem situation. But lately? Every woman in the vicinity wants my seed. And honestly, it makes sense—I WAS a god-like entity. Some 'chad' might tell me to take the opportunity to 'get some', but I'm way too scared."
"Not scared of losing my chastity, mind you. No, I'm terrified of being found inept. Which, from what I hear, is a pretty common fear, so the shame is lessened a bit. But here's the thing—I have a reputation to uphold. I'm the so-called invincible Valdris, ruler of Netharis. If anyone found out I could be beaten by the most common adventurer now, my reputation would shatter."
"And that brings me to the second issue: my mortality. After so long as an immortal, the concept of needing to eat again? Yeah, I hate it. Sure, wanting to eat is one thing. But needing to? That's just bullshit. It's like my body is now demanding I do things I used to do out of sheer boredom."
"Then there's the bleeding. I've had more scratches this week than I've had in centuries. My go-to excuse has been that I'm focusing so much of my arcane power that, you know, sometimes a scratch happens. Lunara, of course, has been thirsting for me since she found out I've bled recently. So, to maintain the status quo, I let her drink a bit of my blood. But every time I do, she makes these faces that give me those aforementioned 'why boners'. Now I dread every little cut because, somehow, Lunara always finds out."
"This, naturally, has caused issues with Ira. She's been simmering ever since that first incident. And I've learned the hard way that keeping her complacent is a full-time job. I've managed to calm her down by indulging her a little... you know, a few touches here and there. No actual intercourse, mind you. Just enough physical contact to keep her from literally bursting into flames. But even then, I get those damned 'why boners' every time."
"And, of course, Selene has to get in on it too. She asked me to take a walk around Netharion with her, which sounded suspiciously like a date. Naturally, Ira made sure to shout about it. So, that's where I'm at right now—sitting in a conference room, listening to people drone on about... something."
"I pick up a few sentences here and there—'The economy of Netharion is surging' and 'unknown adventurers have appeared'. Yeah, I know they're talking about the players who've shown up and tried their hand at my dungeon. Some of them have already died, which is kind of a bummer, honestly."
"I still haven't made a clear distinction between the players and the NPCs of this world. But, then again, I'm technically an NPC myself, so what can you expect from me?"
"'But Valdris, you're the unbeatable boss of Netharis,' I imagine them saying in the comments section of some stream. 'You should know how to handle this stuff!' Well, guess what? I don't. I'm sitting here in this chair, trying to look all regal and pretending like I know what the hell is going on. But honestly, my diminished intelligence is doing me no favors."
"I feel like I've been written by some kind of autistic dimwit who didn't bother to fill in the blanks. I can't make sense of half the words they're saying. So, I just nod every now and then, make some vague comments, and let Selene take care of most of it."
"And sometimes, I even feel like a genius. Then I remember what I used to be before this shift, and I get depressed. But, of course, I can't show that. If I let any sign of weakness slip, these lunatics I call subordinates will catch on, and that will be the end of me."
Then, a question from a council member drags Val back to the moment:
"My lord, should we allocate more resources to handle the influx of unknowns entering Netharion?"
Val barely processes it, responding automatically: "Yes, allocate… something… to ensure stability. In fact, see that it's… tripled."
The council members exchange stunned looks. "Tripled?! That's absurd! If we do that, we'll surely go bankrupt!"
Val inwardly panics "Oh crap, I screwed up. But in these situations, hold fast!" So, he doubles down: "Did I stutter, councilor?"
The threat in his voice makes the entire council glance nervously at Selene, hoping for her to intervene. Their eyes plead "Please make him reconsider."
Selene clears her throat. "My lord, tripling may be… ambitious for Netharion. You might be thinking on the scale of Netharis, but Netharion's economy—"
Val's mind races "Oh, since even Selene is saying I should reconsider, I guess I should backpedal a bit. But not too much, or they'll think I'm weak." He straightens up, adding a bit of indignation to his voice. "Fine. If triple is too much for you fools, let's go for half of that."
A council member tentatively asks, "One and a half, my lord?"
"Is that still too much?" Val wonders but quickly dismisses the thought. "No, I can't lower it much further. I'll look indecisive."
"130% should suffice if you're uncertain."
"150%, my lord. We… we'll meet your expectations at 150%!" another member blurts out.
Val blinks in confusion, his brain catching up. "Umm, sure? Sounds good, I guess. Wait… what were we talking about?"
"Good. Don't fail me," Val responds, still having no idea what resources or issue they just discussed. He offers a curt nod, signaling the conversation is over, and the meeting finally draws to a close.
As Val and Selene leave, she asks, "Where would you like to go, my lord? Back to Netharis, or would you prefer to look around Netharion?"
Val thinks to himself "If I go back to Netharis, it's back to that nightmare. Let's take a break."
"Let's see what the mundane folk do around town," he declares with forced grandeur.
Selene nods, suppressing a smile. "Of course, my lord. I know just the place."
They find themselves at the Adventurers' Guild, where the atmosphere is buzzing with activity. Adventurers swap stories, weapons clink, and the smell of food and ale fills the air. Selene seats Val at a table, then asks, "There's food and drink offered here. What would you like?"
"I'll have… whatever you deem fit," Val says, waving a hand like he's too important to bother.
"As you wish, my lord." Selene leaves to place the order.
Not long after, a drunken adventurer stumbles over to Val, his eyes bleary. "Hey, you. Haven't seen you before. Which party you with?"
Val glances at him and immediately assesses the situation "Great. A drunk adventurer at midday. Just what I needed."
"I belong to no party," Val replies, trying to keep the conversation short.
The adventurer smirks, wobbling slightly. "No party, huh? Lookin' for one then? My party, the Cleaving Phantom, could use a courier like you."
Val's eyebrow twitches in irritation. "A courier? The audacity of this bitch. Granted, I am basically a bitch at this point, but that doesn't mean I can't say it." But he remains calm. "I'm not looking for a party. I'm waiting for my partner to return."
The adventurer laughs, clearly unimpressed. "Fancy clothes, huh? You think you're better than me, don't ya? Come with me outside—I'll show you how adventurers handle pompous little shits like you."
"Oh, wonderful. I'm going to die because a drunk thinks I'm looking down on him," Val thinks, as the man grabs his arm.
Val tries to keep his voice calm. "I don't want trouble. I suggest you leave before my companion returns."
But the adventurer just tightens his grip, dragging Val toward the alley. "You think I care about your partner? I've grinded my way to C rank, and I'm not letting some privileged mage look down on me!"
Val realizes he's in deep trouble. "Okay, this is bad. If Selene doesn't come back soon, I'll either get beaten to a pulp or worse… Wait, is rape a possibility? Gods help me, I hope not."
"Please," Val tries again, "I'm not looking down on you. I simply—"
"Shut it!" the adventurer snaps, pulling Val into the alley. "You're one of those privileged bastards, aren't you? You don't know what it's like to fight for every scrap, every rank. But now you're gonna learn."
Val's panic rises as the man continues ranting. "This is it. I'm going to die at the hands of a drunk C-rank adventurer because my bluff failed. Or worse, this idiot's going to beat me up, and the secret will be out. Hell, I might even get molested. I don't even know anymore."
The man's rant escalates. "If I were… well, if I were into men, I'd probably have my way with you right here, 'cause you got the face for it. And a butt too. God that is a good butt. Not that I am of course, just sayin'..."
Val stares at him, appalled. "I can't believe I'm dealing with this. My life has sunk to a new low. But I have to stall. Where's Selene?"
At that moment, Selene appears, walking into the alley with calm, lethal grace. Her eyes lock onto the drunk adventurer. "Is there a problem here?"
The adventurer freezes, suddenly realizing the danger. He stammers, "N-No, just... teaching this guy a lesson."
Selene's voice drops to a deadly whisper. "You are aware this 'guy' is your lord, Valdris Altair Mournveil, ruler of Netharis, are you not?"
The color drains from the adventurer's face as he processes her words. His grip on Val's arm loosens. "W-What? This is... the Lord of Netharis?"
Val brushes himself off, hiding his relief behind a mask of indifference. "Indeed. And you were about to teach me a lesson?" But inside he is like "Thank the arcane that my butt is secure right now! I would have definitely gotten butt raped by this guy."
Selene says "No one can touch my lord's booty if it is not approved by me!"
Selene stands firm, arms crossed, casting a withering glare at the adventurer. Her words hang in the air like a final decree: "No one can touch my lord's booty if it is not approved by me!"
The drunk adventurer stumbles backward, his eyes wide with terror, as the weight of his mistake sets in. "I-I didn't know! I swear! I was just... I didn't mean no harm!"
Val, feeling a mixture of amusement and dread, watches the scene unfold in awkward silence. "A mad house. I'm living in a mad house. I'm lucky if I don't get drained at least once this year... either of blood, sanity … or…."
Selene grabs the adventurer by the collar, lifting him effortlessly despite her slender frame. "If I ever catch you so much as looking at my lord again, I'll ensure you never walk another floor of this city. Do you understand?"
The adventurer nods furiously, his face a mask of fear. "Y-Yes, ma'am! I'm sorry, ma'am! It won't happen again!"
Selene drops him to the ground, and the man scampers away like a frightened animal, leaving Val and Selene alone in the alley. The air grows quieter, and Val can finally breathe again.
Selene turns to Val, her demeanor suddenly softening. "Are you alright, my lord?"
Val forces a casual smile. "Of course. That was nothing... just an adventurer in over his head."
"In over his head? I almost got dragged to the alley to get beaten—or worse. How do I get myself into these situations?"
Selene steps closer, lowering her voice. "If you ever feel unsafe, my lord, you need only say the word. I'll protect you from any fool who dares threaten you."
Val inwardly panics, the weight of her gaze making him uncomfortable. "Protect me? Who's going to protect me from you? Or from all of you for that matter?"
He clears his throat. "No need for concern, Selene. I can handle myself just fine. The reason this fool lives is because I knew you'd come in time."
Selene smiles sweetly, though the possessive gleam in her eyes doesn't go unnoticed by Val. "Of course, my lord. I'll always be here."
"Always here... I don't know if that's comforting or terrifying."
As they walk back through the streets of Netharion, Val tries to shake off the creeping dread crawling up his spine. He makes a mental note to avoid adventurer-heavy areas in the future. Or at least avoid going anywhere without backup. "Preferably non-lethal backup. Not that I have many options for that."
Suddenly, Selene speaks up, breaking the silence. "My lord, since we're in town... would you like to accompany me to the arcane district? There's a new artifact shop I'd like to show you."
Val inwardly groans. "I just want to go home and not deal with any more people. But then again, Netharis is a nightmare too. What's worse, endless threats in the city or the constant fear of death in my house?"
He sighs and forces another smile. "Lead the way."
As Val and Selene stroll through the arcane district, Val spots a few adventurers whispering among themselves. He catches snippets of their conversation, and though it's hard to make out every word, one thing becomes clear: there's talk of powerful new adventurers making their way deeper into the dungeon. Far deeper than most adventurers dare to tread.
Val's stomach tightens. "Great. Just what I need—another group of suicidal adventurers trying to reach floor 9999. Perfect."
Selene notices his sudden distraction and narrows her eyes. "My lord, is something troubling you?"
Val waves it off. "No, nothing. Just... thinking."
"Thinking about how I'm going to die when those fools reach the lower floors. Should I start writing my will now, or is that too depressing?"
Selene, ever watchful, doesn't seem convinced. "You've been under a lot of pressure lately, my lord. Perhaps we should return to Netharis soon. You mustn't let these... commoners bother you."
"Return to Netharis? Is she serious? That place is worse than any city."
But before Val can respond, a familiar and all-too-unwelcome voice cuts through the crowd.
"Oi, boss! Been lookin' for you!"
Val cringes. "Oh no. Not him. Not now."
From the crowd emerges Zarkos, a hulking demon warrior and one of Valdris' most... enthusiastic underlings. With his fiery eyes and spiked armor, he looks every bit the part of a chaotic brute.
Zarkos grins widely, slamming a fist into his palm. "Been itching for a good fight, boss. C'mon, let's have a scrap!"
Val stares blankly, his heart sinking. "I just wanted some peace. Was that too much to ask?"
Zarkos says "Come on boss. A little bout will boost my power for sure. I… I think."
Val thinks "You THINK?! When have you started thinking?! Stop that before you hurt important people like me!"
Val says "This place will cause too much ruckus if we bout our fill. In the first place, it is bold of you to think that you have gotten strong enough to be worthy of facing me. How about you face one of your colleagues instead. Like… Like Selene in this instance."
Zarkos looks intrigued by this and says "You would permit me to fight even Selene? I can't pass on that offer. Selene, let's have a scuffle!"
Val thinks "So it was okay to bother me but not okay to bother your other colleagues?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! I know you are a demon, but there is a god damned limit! Literally!"
Selene mutters to herself "I was just going to have a date with our lord and you dare to come here to ruin that for me. Oh little Zarkos. You should start to look at your grave since my blade will soon meet your throat."
Then Selene smirks at Zarkos and says "If you are that willing to spout with me, who am I to refuse?"
Zarkos makes a fist-to-palm gesture and says "Bring it on sis! I can't wait to pummel you to the ground!"
Val scurries away before the two began to spout. And as soon as he left the street they were in, a loud bang echoed through the city, implying that the two have started.
Val just thought "Yep. Just my life. Better to go to Netharis or I'll end up in the middle of their duel. Sorry everyone else, but I choose life."
As Val scurried away, the loud bang that echoed through the city signaled the beginning of the chaos. Zarkos and Selene weren't holding back—not even a little. The air crackled with energy, and nearby buildings began to tremble from the sheer power of the clash.
Zarkos, his body crackling with flames, charged at Selene like a demon possessed (which he was). He laughed maniacally, throwing a punch that shattered the ground beneath them. "Come on, Selene! Let's see if you can handle my full strength!"
Selene gracefully dodged, her movements swift and precise, her eyes gleaming with murderous intent. "You won't even touch me, Zarkos!" With a swift flick of her wrist, she summoned a blinding crescent of light, sending it hurtling toward the demon.
The crescent carved a deep trench in the cobblestone road, slicing through market stalls and narrowly missing a group of bystanders, who shrieked and ran for cover. One stall, stacked with apples, exploded in a shower of fruit as the wave of light cleaved through it, sending apples raining down on a poor street vendor.
Meanwhile, Zarkos met the attack head-on, laughing as the light singed his armor. "That tickles!" he roared, smashing his flaming fists into the ground and sending a wave of molten rock toward Selene. The ground cracked, and the molten surge began melting anything in its path—a statue, a shop sign, even a chicken coop, which released a squawking flock of confused chickens.
Selene leaped into the air, effortlessly avoiding the molten wave, landing on a rooftop with a smirk. "Is that all you've got, Zarkos?" she taunted. "I was expecting more from a so-called warrior."
Zarkos growled, his eyes glowing with rage. "Oh, you want more? I'll show you more!" With a roar, he charged, crashing straight through a house, demolishing it completely as he lunged toward her. Bricks and wood flew everywhere, and the roof crumbled like a house of cards.
Across the city, people gasped as the fight escalated. Explosions rocked the streets, and each strike from the two combatants sent shockwaves rippling through Netharion. The city guards scrambled to contain the damage, but it was clear—this wasn't a normal skirmish. This was a battle between Vassals of Mournveil.
In the midst of this chaos, a lone adventurer—the one who had been making impressive progress through the floors of Netharis—wandered into the street. He had been the talk of the town, hailed as the next rising star. His party had cleared floor after floor with ease, but now, all that confidence was being drained as he witnessed Selene and Zarkos's destruction.
The adventurer, holding his sword tightly, looked up just in time to see Selene send a massive arc of energy crashing toward Zarkos, who blocked it with a fire-infused punch, sending shockwaves throughout the district. The adventurer was caught directly in the path of one of those shockwaves.
The force sent him flying backward, crashing into a stack of barrels. He lay there, dazed, as debris rained down on him—pieces of wood, stone, and what appeared to be a fish from a nearby market stall.
Through the ringing in his ears, the adventurer mumbled, "What… what the hell are these people?"
As the dust settled, Selene and Zarkos stood tall in the middle of the devastation, their powers crackling in the air. The adventurer, barely able to stand, staggered to his feet, his eyes wide with terror.
"This… this is insane!" he croaked, looking at the destruction around him. "Better to leave Netharis to monsters like those. No dungeon is worth this…"
He limped away, his once-proud determination shattered by the sheer scale of the power he had just witnessed.
Meanwhile, Val had retreated to a quieter part of town, away from the carnage. He sighed in relief, knowing he'd made the right choice by leaving when he did. "I'll take a quiet corner of Netharis over that mess any day," he muttered to himself.
Just then, a small tremor shook the ground beneath him. Another explosion, probably from Zarkos or Selene, sent a plume of smoke rising in the distance.
"Yeah," Val said, shaking his head. "Definitely made the right call."
The battle raged on, debris flying through the air with reckless abandon. Buildings crumbled, stalls were smashed, and every once in a while, a stray chunk of rock whizzed past Val's face. He muttered under his breath, "Forget the 1.5 increase on the adventurers. They'll need to divert the budget to... rebuilding the city."
A sharp piece of debris grazed Val's arm, leaving yet another scratch. He sighed. Great. I'm getting drained tonight for sure. His mind wandered. Let's just hope the other vassals don't...
But before he could finish his thought, Nyxis emerged from the shadows. "My lord, if I may intrude..."
"Of course, you'd show up. You always show up at the worst times." Val thought, holding back the urge to roll his eyes. "Why do you always appear when I least need you?!"
Keeping his voice calm, he said, "You may."
Nyx, as ever, was calm. "When, may I ask, do you plan to stop the two from destroying the city?"
Val mentally screamed, "Never! I'd die if I tried!" But he said, "If I get in the middle of that, the city will disappear off the map."
"I see," Nyx replied, thoughtful as always. "Then, may I be permitted to handle this, my lord?"
"I'd like to see you try," Val thought. But what came out was, "If you can, that is."
Nyx bowed slightly. "Thank you for your permission, my lord. I'll see to it."
As Nyx disappeared into the shadows, Val turned and began walking away, eager to escape the madness. Behind him, the sounds of battle raged on... until, quite suddenly, everything went silent.
Val froze. "Oh no. Why is it quiet? Nothing good comes from silence."
Not wanting to deal with whatever had just happened, Val decided to retreat to Netharis. "It's probably better than getting dragged into that mess." But just as he was about to slip away, Maelis appeared before him, her voice soft and cryptic as ever. "If I may, my sovereign... Might I steal a moment of your time, if the fates allow? There are matters that weave between the threads of your dominion, and I'd wish to speak before they fray."
Val sighed internally. "Well, at least you stopped me from going back to... okay, maybe Netharis is the worst place. Fine, you're actually doing me a favor this time. But for the love of arcane, could you just talk normally?"
He replied, "You may."
Maelis gave a slight nod before delivering her report. "I have spoken with the god who governs heroes, and he claimed no hand in the sudden surge of their kind. However, he dared to imply that the cause might lie with us, though he was wise enough not to speak ill of our dear sovereign. The heavens are in turmoil, struggling to account for the excess of souls that have appeared so abruptly. I do not believe Thyrran to have lied... yet there are threads left untangled. Might I request your blessing to delve deeper into this matter, my sovereign?"
Val blinked, barely following all her words. As usual, he just muttered, "Sure." "I'm a goddamn pushover at this point."
Maelis' black eyes brightened to grey, a wide grin spreading across her face. "Excellent. I shall return to my research soon, but first..." She stepped close—uncomfortably close—her nose almost brushing his. "I've come to hear whispers that you, our sovereign, have grown rather... comfortable with your female vassals. As it happens, I find myself intrigued by such matters—particularly reproduction, a foreign concept to me. Might I ask, my sovereign, for your assistance in understanding this subject in the near future?"
Val, by now accustomed to Maelis' strange requests, replied as he always did. "Sure." Not thinking much about what Maelis just requested
Her eyes gleamed as she stepped back, a mischievous grin curling her lips. She circled around him, making odd sounds as if deep in thought. Then, as if noticing something for the first time, she said, "It would seem our ever-elusive, shapeshifting companion is looking for you, my sovereign. I shall leave that matter in your capable hands. But, for the sake of harmony, I must insist that you take these matters with more gravitas. There is... animosity, I hear, whispering through the ranks."
And with that cryptic warning, Maelis vanished into the shadows, leaving Val standing alone for a moment. "Yeah, sure. Animosity. Definitely not paranoia, right?"
Before he could gather his thoughts, Nyx reappeared. "My lord, the guilds and I have managed to put an end to the vassals' rampage."
Val blinked. "Holy shit. You actually stopped them? Props to you, I guess." "Well done," he said. "I'll see you later in Netharis."
Just as he was about to make his escape, Nyx spoke again. "I must also inform you, my lord, that the city council has requested your presence."
Val's entire being screamed internally, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Then some more, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Finally, coherent thoughts returned. "How am I supposed to handle this?! If they find out I'm no one now, I'm finished!"
And so, Val braced himself for another round of madness—not necessarily worse than Netharis, but certainly its own unique kind of hell.