She was not unaware of what she ought to say, but rather uncertain of how to articulate it. Simple, unadorned words would never convince Bai Zhanfeng. With a faint smile, Xuan Yue continued to sip her wine. "Do you truly believe that I, Xuan Yue, would care about the idle gossip surrounding you?"
She found it difficult to discern her own feelings—was she happy or anxious? Perhaps it was a blend of both. Having a friend who prioritized her own needs above all else brought her joy, yet this dynamic was one she felt ill-equipped to endure.
Bai Zhanfeng smiled; he recognized her tendency to act on impulse, unyielding in her decisions despite what others might say. Had there not been guards at the door, he might have dismissed his concerns as mere paranoia. Those men were loyal to the old master, and clearly, something had transpired that warranted their presence in the Rose Cottage. She was not one to speak ill of others; if she chose silence, pressing her for answers would yield nothing. Given that the incident had occurred at Bai's residence, he believed uncovering the truth should not pose a challenge.
Bai Zhanfeng's gaze bore into Xuan Yue, his dark eyes reflecting a restrained tenderness and gratitude. Yes, gratitude. When she had volunteered to come to Bai's household from the military camp, it had truly pleased him. Her every action reminded him of the past, of the old Xuan Yue. Her unwavering loyalty meant she had not blamed him for the events in the Valley of Death. During her stay at the Bai residence, the weight on his heart had lessened. Within his capacity, he longed to do something for her.
"Do you think I am still the Xuan Yue who wandered the Jianghu?" Xuan Yue remarked, lightly tapping the table with her fingers. "I now bear significant responsibilities. I eat well, drink well, and rest well. After so much recuperation, Cheng Qiang's army will soon arrive at Ye City. Reports indicate that Xuanyuan Hao has reached the state of Chu and is advancing toward Biro River. I cannot rely on you to command the Lan army; I must return to take charge personally."
Rarely had Xuan Yue displayed such patience in explaining herself. Casting a glance at the guard at the door, she pressed her lips together, a barely perceptible frown creasing her brow. Bai's old master, despite his good intentions, had truly created a troublesome situation. Bai Zhanfeng could be reckless and stubborn, yet he was not foolish. This course of action was far too blatant. Did he not realize how strained the relationship between Bai Zhanfeng and Chen Ruoxi had become?
Sipping her fine wine, Xuan Yue's mood brightened considerably. While she preferred the old Nian Xiaoyu, the reality remained that it would be Chen Ruoxi who stood by Bai Zhanfeng's side from here on. Some truths, even if spoken, might be futile or even unwelcome. Nevertheless, spurred by the exquisite wine, she resolved to speak her mind.
With a smile, she poured a cup of wine for Bai Zhanfeng, her gaze subtly resting on him, pondering how to broach the topic without displeasing him. For her, losing the right atmosphere amidst such delightful wine would be a grave misfortune.
Bai Zhanfeng was not like Lan Yixuan, able to maintain composure in the face of adversity. Though Xuan Yue remained silent, her steady gaze made him acutely uncomfortable, stirring an unease within him. Moreover, thoughts of the guard outside prompted wild conjectures—had something truly happened in his absence? Unable to contain himself any longer, he turned to Xuan Yue. "Is there something you wish to discuss with me?"
Xuan Yue let out a light laugh. "Bai Zhanfeng, is the military camp's bed really more comfortable than the soft embrace of home?"
Before Chen Ruoxi arrived at the Rose Cottage, she had overheard the servants whispering about how, since their marriage, Bai Zhanfeng had continuously resided in the military camp. For a sheltered lady like Chen Ruoxi, deeply enamored with Bai Zhanfeng, marrying him had fulfilled her dreams. Yet his indifference left her feeling profoundly insecure; how could she not overthink when her husband wouldn't even touch her?
She harbored no fondness for Chen Ruoxi, but perhaps her concern was simply unwarranted meddling. Ultimately, the two were destined to be together; why not foster a more harmonious existence for them both?
"Bai Zhanfeng, have you lost your senses?"
Under normal circumstances, Bai Zhanfeng would have taken her words in stride, as she had always been candid with him since their first encounter. Yet regarding Chen Ruoxi, he was unwilling to listen. He had made his stance clear on their wedding day: he could offer her the status she desired, even swearing loyalty to her alone. But in his heart, there was no room for another woman; all he demanded was her diligence in managing the Bai household. Their union was fundamentally a marriage devoid of love, rooted in political expediency.
Furrowing his brow, Bai Zhanfeng's expression darkened further. "Is this what you consider a pressing matter?"
Xuan Yue braced her hands on the bed, a sudden realization dawning upon her as she shook her head. "Of course not."
Even if she cared about their marital issues, she would not invest too much energy into them; as an outsider, her words held little weight.
Clutching the wine jar, she savored the moment, a satisfied smile gracing her features. "I hadn't intended to discuss this with you, but considering your recent warm hospitality, especially this exquisite pear blossom brew, I felt compelled to speak. You know I cannot keep things bottled up; it simply must be expressed. Allow me to finish this matter before we shift to another topic."
Initially, she had thoughts to share with Chen Ruoxi, but given her demeanor, Xuan Yue felt no desire to engage. Though indulging in endless cycles of eating and sleeping was pleasant, she often felt a disorienting haze envelop her. Wine was indeed a marvelous remedy, especially such splendid vintage. It whisked her away from sorrow, leaving only the buoyancy of joy; no other emotions could penetrate her state of bliss. Sipping the intoxicating pear blossom brew, she felt as though she had been transported back to the time spent on Pear Blossom Mountain—enduring hardships yet maintaining an optimistic spirit, full of confidence and hopeful anticipation for the future.
Bai Zhanfeng regarded her radiant smile with unease. His greatest fear was her mention of certain topics. For some time, she had remained silent, and he had hoped she might refrain from bringing it up altogether. However, today she had voiced it, and had he known that the exquisite wine would lead only to unwelcome discussions, he would never have brought it back.
Casting a sidelong glance at Xuan Yue, he picked up his cup of tea, draining it in one gulp before slamming it back onto the table. A chill settled over his features. "I know you cannot belong to me. Everything I do is a futile dream. You have every right not to love me, but you must not sever my feelings for you. Must I bury this affection within my heart?"
Bai Zhanfeng raised his voice, clearly filled with discontent.
Xuan Yue smiled faintly, her lips curling as she remarked, "Oh, Bai Daxia, you've certainly grown quite adept at this."
"Bai Zhanfeng, at this moment, I genuinely wish to slap you twice. If I didn't regard you as a friend, I wouldn't even waste my breath on you."
Bai Zhanfeng fixed his gaze on Xuan Yue, watching as she suddenly stood, her bright eyes glimmering with the haze of inebriation. In that moment, he was reminded of their time in Yanjing, when she often expressed disdain for his meddling, occasionally displaying that familiar look of reproach, calling him a narcissist. Back then, he felt dejected but never heartbroken; he quickly reconciled himself and resumed his pursuit with unwavering confidence. Now, however, he could only envy the courage he once possessed.
He gazed at Xuan Yue, momentarily lost in memories of the past, his tense features softening into a gentle smile.
Xuan Yue observed Bai Zhanfeng, feeling a pang of sympathy. She was uncertain of the thoughts that stirred within him, but she knew that smile was undoubtedly tied to her presence.
Life had grown too comfortable during this period; it felt as though her own sharpness was fading. Xuan Yue pursed her lips and waved her hand before him. "Bai Zhanfeng, that person is your wife, not Nian Xiaoyu."
Each word was pronounced with clarity, pulling Bai Zhanfeng back from his reverie of sweet memories.
Bai Zhanfeng's eyes widened as he stared at Xuan Yue. His slightly parted lips closed, not for lack of words but for the absence of anything to say.
Indeed, that person was not Nian Xiaoyu. After years of rejection, she had finally found her own happiness. But Chen Ruoxi was different; she was his wife, and her happiness depended upon Bai Zhanfeng himself. Having married her, he had a responsibility to uphold.
Xuan Yue's hands intertwined, her clear eyes betraying a calm indifference, as if the conflict between Bai Zhanfeng and Chen Ruoxi were merely a matter that did not concern her.
"Bai Zhanfeng, if you do not wish to take responsibility, then do not marry her. Do daughters from the Chen family ever need to worry about finding a good husband? Since you chose to marry her, treat her well. She has affection for you, and regardless of whether it's worth it, cherish her."
Though she considered Chen Ruoxi rather ordinary, her status and appearance meant there would undoubtedly be suitors worthy of her.
Bai Zhanfeng lowered his head in silence. Xuan Yue sniffed lightly and tapped the back of his hand with her finger, chuckling softly. "Do you understand?"
Bai Zhanfeng lifted his gaze, meeting her sparkling eyes, filled with playful warmth. "If the one you truly love is Lan Yixuan, yet you marry me, could you still do that?"
Xuan Yue withdrew her finger, furrowing her brow in thought. After a long pause, she nodded firmly. "I would."
Seeing Bai Zhanfeng's continued scrutiny, she leaned on the table and straightened her posture. "Marrying you is my own choice, and since it is my choice, I will certainly strive to begin anew. I do not expect to forget the past entirely, but those memories I wish to forget will be buried deep within my heart, hidden from others. At the very least—"
Xuan Yue hesitated, her gaze drifting beyond Bai Zhanfeng. "We ought to give each other a chance. Bai Zhanfeng, if I were to marry you, I would earnestly work to cultivate my feelings for you. I would strive to do better than Nian Xiaoyu, ensuring you never feel my heart belongs to another."