For Benjamin, the days started to blend together.
Nurses checking his vitals, doctors giving him medicines, and the incessant beeping of machinery in the background made each one seem the same and dull as the last.
During his frequent visits, Coach Jansen would sit in the same chair next to Benjamin's bed and provide words of encouragement.
He later found out that the nurse's name was Diane. She appeared to be in her early twenties, not much older than Benjamin, and her composed manner gave him the impression that he was more than just another patient.
As she walked around the room attending to his needs, her voice was always sweet and her smile was soft. Even if only briefly, she had a knack of making the hospital room feel less confining.
"How's the pain today, Benjamin?" As she was adjusting his IV one morning, Diane questioned.
His gaze remained fixed on the ceiling as he shrugged. "Same as always," he whispered.
Diane paused, her fingers barely brushing his cast. "A few weeks have passed. It will take time, but your body is healing. You are aware of that, aren't you?"
"Yeah," he said in a monotone voice.
Diane quickly shifted the conversation, inquiring about football or discussing her life outside of the hospital.
She told him about the quiet little cafe she often visited on her days off, her love for riding her bike around the local parks, and her small apartment in Haarlem.
Although Benjamin didn't say much in response, he appreciated the conversations. It served as a diversion from the emotional and physical suffering he had been going through.
Later that day, as he did virtually every afternoon, Coach Jansen arrived. He sat down next to the bed with his palms on his knees after greeting Benjamin.
"How are you holding up?" The coach inquired in a rough but worried voice.
Benjamin took a moment to respond. He looked at at his leg, which was still bound by the tight cast. At last, he said, "The doctors say I'm healing," his voice was emotionless.
Coach Jansen took a moment to study him. "And how do you feel about that?"
Benjamin laughed bitterly. "I'm not sure, Coach. I feel as though I'm stuck. I feel like I'm not making any progress, regardless of how much time goes by."
Coach Jansen rubbed his chin thoughtfully while leaning back in his chair. "That kind of feeling is normal. Benjamin, you've been through hell. Nobody expects you to recover quickly.
Benjamin's throat tightened. He said,in a voice that was indistinguishable from a whisper. "I just don't see how I can come back from this,"
Leaning forward, Coach Jansen's blue eyes were piercing yet kind. "You don't need to solve everything at once. You concentrate on healing at the moment. The remainder will be added later."
It was one thing to heal his leg, but how could he heal the piece of him that had been broken in that car accident?
What was even the need for him to go back in time when he would still lose the people who mattered to him? He even considered suicide in the last few days, but he couldn't bring himself to.
***
Benjamin's leg began to move again after the therapy sessions and treatments, slowly and painfully.
After the cast was eventually taken off and a brace was put in its place, he started the drawn-out process of learning to walk once more with the help of crutches.
He wouldn't even be able to consider bearing weight on his leg without help for months, the doctors warned him. Physically and mentally, every step was excruciating, but he forced himself to continue.
Benjamin was eventually discharged from the hospital three months after the accident. With crutches, he could move around, but it would take a lot of work and be slow.
After the doctors had exhausted all other options, it was up to him to continue his recovery outside of the hospital.
Diane assisted him in packing the few belongings he had in his room on the day of his discharge. Throughout his stay, she had become a constant presence, and Benjamin had become accustomed to her kindness, treating her as though she were an elder sister.
She lightly teased, "You've been a good patient," before folding one of his clothes and putting it in his bag.
Benjamin shook his head and smirked. "I'm pretty sure I've been a pain in the ass."
Diane's quiet laugh brought a rare warmth to the atmosphere of the room.
"Maybe a little," she admitted, "but you've also experienced more than most people can cope with. I believe it's okay for you to be a little difficult."
Benjamin felt a twinge of sadness as she finished packing. It wasn't until he was ready to go that he realized how much he had become dependent on Diane's presence.
He said, "Thank you," in a calm but earnest tone. "For everything."
Diane smiled with gentle eyes. "Benjamin, you don't need to express gratitude to me. Please just look after yourself. Additionally, don't give up on football."
The idea of going back to the pitch still seemed so far off, but he nodded. "I'll try."
Benjamin said his goodbyes to Diane as Coach Jansen came to be pick him up. She wished him luck and gave him a quick hug while being cautious not to jostle his crutches.
Benjamin stopped just outside the hospital to take a deep breath of fresh air as he and Coach Jansen walked through the front doors. For the first time in months, going outside felt strange.
For an instant, the weight on his chest eased as the crisp autumn breeze filled his lungs.
"Ready?" Coach Jansen's voice broke the silence as he asked.
Though he was no longer certain that he was prepared for anything, Benjamin nodded. But there was nothing he could do. Whether he was ready or not, life was moving on.
Coach Jansen folded the crutches gently and put them in the back of his car, helping Benjamin into the passenger seat with some difficulty.
Benjamin gazed out the window, taking in the familiar sights as they drove through Haarlem on their way to his house in Leidsebuurt.