Professor Ilmarë, seeing us calm down, apologized.
I, once again, waved it off. "I was the one to ask for it, wasn't I? You gave me the choice, and I made the decision. The responsibility lies with me. I can't blame you for something I chose to do, no?"
"Anyways, it seems like I lost the bet. I can't make my mana move."
She shook her head. "The bet's not over yet. It was already unreasonable to expect you to use it right away in the first place. Your mana's activated now and as long as you can do it before the week ends, it'll count. Besides, the terms was for you to feel your mana, not move it."
I can't accept that. It was clear why she was doing it. Out of a sense of responsibility over the incident, even though I already told her not to.
Ah. So this is a taste of what Vera felt. The feeling of people treating you as though you're helpless... no wonder she burst.
"I can do it by tonight." I held my stare to her eyes, full of conviction.
A slight smile formed on her lips. "Okay."
"You can focus on Vera and uh — her." I motioned towards our other group-mate who was still on her own in a cross-legged position with her eyes closed. She was clearly concentrating on moving her own mana around to resist the professor's mana. "I'll be able to do this, just you wait."
I urged them to leave me alone to concentrate. I watched them walk away as I saw them off with a smile. I was also pretty sure that amidst all that... excitement for lack of a better term, Vera forgot that she wasn't supposed to be able to walk and move around freely under the professor's mana.
"Heh."
A small chuckle left my lips at that thought.
With me being left alone, I turned inwards. I already knew what to look for and I could already feel that thick viscosity pooling stagnantly in my mana source.
Okay. So how do I do it again?
All of my knowledge on mana and how to use it from before my regression came from books and my own personal experience. But I don't think my personal experience is much help with how differently it was activated. Back then, with how I gradually activated it super gradually over the course of months, my mana was pliable and smooth flowing. Once I got over that hump, controlling it was simple.
Now, however, although my mana was already activated, it felt different. It was viscous and stubborn against my nudges. Since my personal experience is out, all that's left is everything I've read. Was there anything at all that I could use as a reference?
Oh. Wait.
There actually was one personal experience that could apply. The one just now. While I was in pain. I was in pain because the professor activated my mana, then how did I relieve the pain? I, in some way, expelled the turbulent mana causing me pain.
That would explain the pain relief and why it became hotter all of a sudden. I managed to release my mana as heat. So I can do this. I just need to replicate it.
I know that consciously moving mana inside the body can be harder to do than releasing it outwards depending on the person. It's much better to try and do something I already unconsciously did, than try at something I'm not sure I can do.
The method of controlling your mana was specific to an individual. From all the papers I've read, there was no consensus on the way so far. Since it's all up to the individual, it's why Professor Ilmarë felt it fine to leave me alone.
Mana Control could basically be boiled down to two factors: Muscle and Will. Muscle as in just like how someone controls other body parts. Will as in how someone thinks and feels. If I relate that into my mana control in the past, then it would mainly fall under 'muscle'. That would then mean that what happened just now must be a result of my 'will'.
Release as heat.
Release. Expel. Eject. Release. Expel. Eject.
I repeated that mantra over and over again.
Over and over until my head started hurting. I pushed through it. I could feel a tension in my skull, as if someone had it in a vice-grip. I don't know how much time has passed and still I couldn't feel anything changing.
Maybe I'm doing it wrong.
What if I specify instead of being vague and broad?
It was worth a try.
Dissipate mana as heat. Coalesce mana to generate heat.
I tried thinking of other precise directions and still nothing happened. I must be doing something wrong somewhere. Definitely. Mana control is... based on two factors! It's not one way or the other! I have to have both!
Fuck. I'm stupid. So fucking stupid.
The initial feeling of feeling mana inside the mana source felt somewhat like when you drink cold water and you can feel it pooling in your stomach. That was the closest physical analogue I could describe it to. Drawing it out the first time was like the feeling you have when you force yourself to vomit the contents of your stomach. Instead of making it go up the throat, you make it go through its mana pathways. It's disgusting, but that's the closest I can relate it to.
I focused on that feeling and ever so gently brought it out. I had to really focus on it lest I might accidentally let something else out. That would be... disastrous, embarrassing, and humiliating.
Earlier, the heat emanated from every part of my body and wasn't confined to a single place. I tried aiming for the same results. Expel mana outwards from uncaring of where it exits and dissipate it as heat. It was incredibly slow-going but I finally did it.
I could feel the air around me growing ever so slightly warmer — and I fell to the ground in exhaustion. I was incredibly drained. I finally opened my eyes and saw the night sky above me.
"Dina! Are you done? Are you okay?"
I could hear Vera running close to me, and she knelt as she entered my sight. "How long have I been out?"
"It's been hours! It's already 5 PM!"
What? I was out for that long? And only managed to emit a nearly imperceptible amount of mana as heat.
"Good job, Dina. You win." Professor Ilmarë spoke out as she approached with Petra tagging along.
"I certainly don't feel like it." I didn't have the energy to move my body at all. I don't think I can make the walk back home at this rate.
"Let's go home. Hup!" Vera made me hold her shoulders as she hoisted me on her back, and we started walking home.
"Are you gonna carry me all the way home?"
"Naturally. Why wouldn't I?"
"Thanks. How did your day go?"
"I can feel my mana now!" Her voice cheered me up. I was genuinely happy for her. I snuggled my face into the back of her neck and whispered: "Good job, Vera."
Aside from that accomplishment, she also managed to apologize to Ilmarë. According to her, it was more like they exchanged apologies instead. She talked me through the rest of her day as we walked home with Petra and Ilmarë quietly following by.
We gathered in the living room after dinner. Vera really did save the conversation for now, even though she had the opportunity to do it earlier while I was out of it. Though it wasn't that surprising with what she was going to reveal to them.
Vera and I were sat in one sofa with Petra and Ilmarë on another sofa perpendicular to us. Vera mentally readied herself and I held her hand.
Vera took a deep breath as she started speaking.
"Petra, Ilmarë. I... uh have something to show you."
Her grip on my hand tightened. The aforementioned duo's faces solemn sensing her resolve.
Vera raised her other hand to her face and held the sunglasses on her face. She took them off and, for the first time, her full face was shown to someone other than me — but her eyes was shut.
Her grip tightened even more, pricking through my skin, drawing a trickle of blood.
In the dim living room, lit only by the incandescent glow of the fireplace; a new tinge of red appeared.
Red-colored orbs sparkling crimson and, in the darkness of the night, seemed even more captivating. It was akin to a beautiful sea of poppies stretching out into the distance. A veritable river of blood that delivers sweet nectar into a vampire's lips. An enchanting sight of a treasure that nothing in the world could ever compare. Scarlet eyes opened wide.
At that moment, even the crackling of fire had faded into silence.
"Ah."