*Danica Jakobsson, a 19 year old girl living in the trenches in London just trying to make it out without following the crowd or what social media portrays. She just wants to live a normal life and will go through anything to achieve it. She wanted to be away from the toxicity and the stabbings only to be treated like everyone else.*
Danica: "Today is another day."
"I guess." I had this mix of emotions occurring in my gut, excitement and fear, it made contradicting thoughts triggering my head to ache. I groaned as I got up from my bed and started getting ready for the day. I felt like I had a long dream with the way my head was stirring.
My naked body entered the shower feeling the hot water roll down my face as I got my mind on the work experience event. I think about what to ask, my transportation, and etc; I just think about anything relevant to the day rather than thinking of something that'll drain my energy or make me stressed. I hum a tune as cleanse my body from all the sweat I had last night finally feeling refreshed and set for the day. As I do my usual routines I hum a song that just comes to mind and yet it made me feel weird, it made me feel concerned over something but not sure as to what it is.
My day goes on smoothly as it should as I sit on the tube waiting to come off the right stop as I listen to music since there's no service underground. The sound of the bass ripples through my ears allowing me to not hear the loud sounds coming from the trains. I continue to travel along my path just thinking of life and how I can change mine, how I wouldn't let my environment shape me to an idiot who'll do nothing but destroy my valuable time. My mind was distracted by the sounds of a drunk white man shouting and no one causing people to look at him weird or to completely ignore his existence. My volume increases as I notice that I'm coming off the next stop holding my rucksack tightly so not a soul can grab it.
The moment my foot gets onto the platform I smile to myself being happy at how far I've come without too many distractions. I've gotten to a point where I can make something of myself and achieve greatness hence why I go to these workshop events, they look great on my cv. My smile brightens with the sky as I get excited about the event knowing that it's a long one. My legs take me to the building where the event will be hosted feeling a mixture of nervousness as well pure excitement knowing how far my life could go. I grabbed my phone, turning off the calming music, to pull up the QR code I had to scan in order to check in.
The moment I walked in they noticed that I was there for the event and told me that I was an hour early so I had to go around the area and waste some time. Was I bummed about it? Yes. However, I can check out a part of London that I have never been to before. Again there were equal amounts of nervousness as well as excitement continuing to build up as my heart races and my hands shake knowing that I have not grown fully used to going to events filled with people in their late teens to early twenties preparing to increase their knowledge of the job they want to take part in. They always look like they have the money already and they're about to get the best jobs with the best salary. I wish to live life like that but I got all my clothes from Choices discount store - It's an absolute bargain as well so I can't complain. So I decided to go to a shop around the area and just scan around before going down the road which held a local McDonalds. To my surprise it was perfect timing with the way my stomach was rumbling, it felt like Eren Jaeger was about to come out. I ordered my usual waiting for my food finally starting to feel calm, smelling the oil in the air. Once my order was ready to pick up I managed to notice other people in business wear that all looked around my age, I felt slightly out of place yet it was like I was meant to be there. With the clothing I was wearing I blended right in since nothing from me gave the idea that I had come from a working-class family or a poor family.
My heart starts to pound as I wait for time to pass, just waiting quietly for the right time as my music blasts through my ears. The sound of the beat mixing with the bass along with the piano just created a void in my mind that was slowly filled with imaginations of what I expected my day to turn out as. I continue to listen and feel. My ears follow the mood of the beat feeling the shivers run down my spine and goosebumps cover my skin.
As the time passed I grew too impatient that my feet were already making their way back to the main building hosting the work-experience event constantly stomping on the hard ground as the light shined on my journey back. The closer I have gotten, the more young teens I am seeing, more young children willing to add more words onto their CVs stating what they have done to impress employers or to impress universities in their personal statements. 'Just keep going.' Is repeated within the void in my mind, I did not want to back out of an opportunity or give off bad impressions already for the event.
This is it…I guess.
Still being ahead of time the soles of my shoes are met with a blood red carpet floor while my eyes peer onto patterned walls and the dim lights that brighten the area with luxury. Being here just brought a smile to my face, my mind skips to what I can achieve in my future, how buildings like these would not be a surprise to me but yet act like a second home as I gain a large sum of income, breaking out of this chain of a failed society, kind of feels like I am somewhat escaping a loop or the matrix I should say.
Looking around I see that I am in a lobby with other kids, anxiety kicks in knowing that I am going to have to spend my time getting to know everyone here just to break out of my shell. However, many worries filled my head causing my lips to involuntarily frown and my head to sink as all my eyes were to observe the red floor wishing I could just sink beneath it and hide.
The voices of the crowd grow louder as more people step in and engage. What am I doing? Just standing here letting my saddened thoughts get the best of me? And for what? To be an outsider and not learn anything? I am repeatedly having to cuss myself out trying to battle out the thoughts I don't need and focus on what I want in life. I need to blind myself with what I need in life, what I need to obtain should be my source of everything.
All of these instructions are what I need to follow. You know what? Fuck all of this damn Western mental games, depression, anxiety I don't need it. Why should I suffer with it? I'm only a 19 year old heading into my twenties, I need to grow up for once.
I took a deep breath feeling cool air fill my lungs before having to be pushed out hastily. My eyes were met with those around me walking to them with a smile on my face and greeting them each. My heart pounds but it simmers as they greet me with warm hugs as well as hand shakes sharing no ill thoughts but showing a large amount of knowledge just by the way they spoke. We engage in our talk for a few moments before I walk around just getting to know everyone. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders allowing me to stand tall for once feeling proud of how far I've come.
However, soon enough it felt like a shadow was lingering over my head the moment my eyes laid upon a timid girl, she was looking terrified of something, when she looked into my eyes I could tell it was something deeper than anxiety, something horrid.
"Excuse me, are you okay?"
"You seem nervous." I asked with worry projected from my eyes to my voice.
She seemed to calm down after a moment before sharing with me that stumbled upon a conversation of some so-called gang members talking about hurting someone in this event. My eyes widened at the news as I continued to question her to ensure that what she heard was correct. However, I'm not surprised Londoner will find a way to either kill themselves or someone else as long as it brings them street cred. As my own heart pounds to my ear drums I breathe deeply to either calm myself down or this timid girl, I silently pray to myself in hopes that all of this is just someone talking big and yet they will do nothing.
My thoughts are filled with curses as the time everyone is called up to the first floor has arrived and the event is about to start. The young timid girl is nowhere to be found making me question if I was hallucinating or she just ran off in fear.
Meanwhile as my legs walked with the crowd I was meant with a smile on a teenage boy's face. From what I can tell he seemed to be very gentleman-like for his age as he stumbled his way towards me before he introduced himself. His glasses shined at the lights of the room as well as his dark skin took in the shimmers of our surroundings and his hair twisted up in dreads looking very fresh. His appearance managed to settle some ease within me as I smiled back at the boy who was called 'Michael' prior to shaking his hand to then tell him my name. I watched him smile still feeling a deep gutted sensation occurring far down my stomach causing myself to go back feeling woozy, worried and scared.
He was quick to ask if I was doing okay, instead I just gave off the good old 'Yep just nervous'. As we reached the first floor grabbing the tokens from the desks we continued to talk before I gave in to telling him what I was worried about, he assured me that everything will be fine, telling me that it'll be a dumb decision to shoot up a place like this with all of these security guards as well as it being a place of richness. I just smiled at his words, still not being able to drop the uncomfortable feeling swirling in my stomach causing my eyes to show that I still don't feel calm.
Having already met the majority of the people here, I decided to go back around talking to each one of them quietly. I couldn't help but whisper to them what I've heard and share ideas of how to be safe if a situation like that ever happens.
Some didn't believe me and some did, as long as they knew where to run to I was fine as I managed to find where my seat was just in time for the experience of a lifetime.
A couple of hours have gone past with my eyes growing heavier by the minute. Thankfully they have told us that with the passes we have we can walk in and out in case we want to pop-round to a shop. For every second that passed my body grew more tired. I don't want to embarrass myself in a place like this, instead my tired limbs take me to the nearest shop buying myself two large cans of energy drinks since this is a very long event.
As my shoes kick the rocks on the pavement my eyes are met with a starry sky forgetting how quickly it gets dark around here, one moment the sun is shining brightly next the moon is already out. I watch how stars glimmered in the sky and the moon luminated in my pupils as my tongue tastes the sweet liquid filled with fizzy caffeine and taurine. I was already feeling awake with just one gulp reminding me that I needed to get back for the tour yet a certain someone was walking out the front door of the building. A certain someone whose face I've seen many times.
"Desire!" I called out with excitement.
Her head knocked upwards as her dark lips curved upwards as her hazel eyes met mine. Desire was this tall, young, dark skin woman who was just gorgeous in every way.
"Oh my goodness, Danica, don't tell me you were just in there?" She cheerfully said.
"I had to get myself some energy drinks with the way I was about to pass out." She laughed at my statement before nodding heavily since she thought of the same thing as me.
She mentioned how she was going to the nearest Starbucks to buy herself a cup of coffee and asked if I wanted to walk with her. Seeing how dark it has gotten I couldn't help but to agree because why not? It's nice to get a walk after sitting down for many hours just taking notes.
Desire had gotten her coffee so we walked back together still chatting about how life has been whilst drinking our energy sources we noticed that something seemed to be wrong. From being down the road we can see another person walking out the large building that hosted the event, me and Desire thought we missed everything until we got a little closer to the building unnoticed.
Something inside me told me not to move but just to observe as the person who walked out immediately made my stomach drop to my knees at the realisation of what was happening. It was Michael and he was not alone. Removing his tie he was greeted by another bloke who was dressed in all black carrying a suspicious bag all masked up. They spoke for a while as the stranger walked into the building and Michael just stood there watching him. I grabbed Desire causing her to wonder the reason for my sudden action.
"Hey Danica you alright? Why are we not goi-"
Then the screams and gunshots began.
I turned around seeing how the lights were off and the building of luxury was now a place of terror. I thought about the girl who had warned me, feeling my heart drop knowing that she must be in there dead or hiding. However, my dumb self acted like I could do something, causing Desire to yank me back, making me wake up to reality as we ran for our lives…
My body ran cold as all I could see was pitch black whilst my lungs screamed for air and my clothes were drenched in sweat. I looked around seeing that I was in my room questioning the type of dream I had in fear as everything felt too real. I look at my phone seeing that it's 01:26 am and I force myself to go back to sleep knowing that I have to get up at 8 am for an event.
The end.