The last traces of Chad Thundercock had barely flickered out of existence when Bigfoot and his squad of cryptids rolled up, looking like they'd just finished pre-gaming for some underground rave. The sight of Bigfoot was almost comforting in a weird, "Oh hey, I know you" way, but that comfort evaporated the second I realized he wasn't alone.
Behind him was an army of cryptids, and not just your run-of-the-mill Bigfoot clones. No, these were the heavy hitters of the cryptid world. Mothman hovered just above the ground, his glowing red eyes piercing the gloom. The Loveland Frogmen stood to Bigfoot's right, their amphibian hands gripping strange, glowing staffs that crackled with energy. And towering behind them all was the Flatwoods Monster, its metallic, otherworldly form shimmering in the fading light like something straight out of a low-budget sci-fi movie.
I had faced some weird shit in Ohio, corn cultists, alien influencers, an army of Chads and Stacys, but this? This was on a whole new level of nightmare fuel.
Bigfoot strolled up to me, that lazy grin plastered on his face as always. "Yo, Overlord. Guess who's back?"
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, I see that. You brought friends this time?"
Bigfoot chuckled, taking a swig from a Monster Energy drink that had appeared in his massive hand. "Yeah, dude. Thought you might wanna meet the squad. Figured it's time we had a little chat about, you know, what's coming next."
I glanced at Mothman, who was staring at me with those unblinking, glowing red eyes. The Loveland Frogmen croaked ominously, their staffs pulsing with energy that I didn't want to get too close to. Flatwoods Monster didn't say a word, but the thing's presence alone was enough to make me feel like I was standing in front of a cryptid emperor or something.
"Look, Bigfoot," I said, raising my hands in a gesture of peace, "I don't want any trouble. I'm just trying to survive this meme war Ohio's got me trapped in. What do you guys want?"
Bigfoot grinned wider. "Chill, bro. We're not here to fight. Yet."
"Yet?" I repeated, my heart rate kicking up a notch. "What does that mean?"
Mothman floated forward, his voice low and strange, like a whisper carried on the wind. "There are forces in Ohio beyond even the meme gods you've faced. Darker forces. Ancient. Forgotten by most… but not by us."
The Loveland Frogmen croaked in agreement, their glowing staffs flaring up as if they were reacting to Mothman's words.
I frowned, my mind racing. Darker forces? I had barely survived the Skibidi King and Chad Thundercock. Now I was supposed to deal with something even worse?
Bigfoot took another sip from his drink and leaned in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Here's the deal, Overlord. You took out Chad, and that's impressive. But Ohio's got layers, man. It's like a never-ending onion of weirdness, and you're only on the second layer. There's a cryptid war brewing out there, and we're about to be neck-deep in it."
"A cryptid war?" I echoed, glancing at the Frogmen, who were still croaking ominously. "Why am I not surprised?"
Flatwoods Monster finally spoke, its voice metallic and unsettling, like something you'd hear through a broken radio. "The balance in Ohio is fragile. You have disturbed it."
I threw my hands up. "I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't even want to be in Ohio!"
Bigfoot shrugged, completely unfazed. "Yeah, well, Ohio has a way of choosing people, bro. You're here now, and you're part of the game. You've been messing with the meme gods, but the cryptid gods? They're a whole different vibe."
I blinked at him. "Cryptid gods? What do you mean by cryptid gods?"
Mothman's red eyes glowed brighter as he spoke. "There are beings in Ohio older than the meme lords, older than any mortal can remember. We serve them. We protect their domain."
Bigfoot pointed at me with his can of Monster Energy. "Yeah, man. These dudes have been here way before TikTok. They've been watching over Ohio since, like, the dawn of time or whatever. And now that you've been messing with the meme hierarchy, you're on their radar."
I felt a cold knot forming in my stomach. "And what exactly happens now that I'm on their radar?"
The Loveland Frogmen croaked in unison, and Mothman answered. "You must prove yourself worthy. The cryptid gods will not tolerate weakness in their domain. If you fail… you will be consumed."
I stared at them, my mind spinning. "Consumed by what?"
Bigfoot's grin faded slightly, and his tone grew more serious. "By Ohio itself, man. The meme gods were just a test. The real power in Ohio comes from the land, from the cryptid gods that live in the shadows. If you can't prove yourself, Ohio will swallow you whole."
I took a step back, my heart pounding. "So, what? I'm supposed to fight the cryptid gods now?"
Mothman shook his head slowly. "Not yet. First, you must survive the trials."
"Trials?" I asked, a sinking feeling settling in my gut.
Flatwoods Monster's eyes flickered, and its metallic voice echoed through the cornfield. "The trials will test your strength, your wits, and your connection to Ohio's deepest powers. Only then will you be deemed worthy."
I glanced at Bigfoot, who was still watching me with that lazy grin, but now there was something darker behind it. Something I didn't like.
"And if I fail these trials?" I asked.
Bigfoot shrugged, taking another sip of his Monster Energy. "Then Ohio's gonna spit you out, bro. And trust me, you don't want that."
I swallowed hard, glancing at my TikTok zombies, who were still blissfully unaware of the cryptid nightmare about to unfold around us. The thought of being "spit out" by Ohio sent a shiver down my spine. I had no idea what that even meant, but I knew it couldn't be good.
"So, what do I have to do?" I asked, my voice steady despite the rising panic in my chest.
Bigfoot stepped forward, towering over me as his grin faded completely. "You gotta survive the cryptid trials, Overlord. Prove that you're worthy of wielding the meme power and that you can handle the forces Ohio's been keeping under wraps. And then?"
His grin returned, sharp and unsettling.
"Then you face the cryptid gods."
I stood there, staring at Bigfoot, my mind racing. Cryptid trials? Facing cryptid gods? This was a level of Ohio madness I wasn't prepared for. Sure, I'd fought off meme gods and dealt with Chad's gym bros, but cryptid gods? That was something else entirely.
Bigfoot's grin didn't falter as he gestured to the towering figures of Mothman, the Loveland Frogmen, and the Flatwoods Monster. "Look, Overlord, it's not like you've got a choice. Ohio's got plans for you, man. You either rise to the challenge, or you get left in the corn."
Mothman floated closer, his red eyes narrowing. "The trials begin soon. You will be tested in ways you cannot imagine."
"Yeah," Bigfoot added, taking another sip of his Monster. "Think of it like a cryptid boot camp, but, like, way gnarlier."
I felt the weight of their words pressing down on me. I wasn't ready for this. How was I supposed to take on the cryptid gods when I'd barely managed to defeat Chad Thundercock?
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "What exactly are these trials? What do I have to do?"
The Loveland Frogmen croaked ominously, and Mothman spoke in his low, otherworldly voice. "The trials will test your ability to command the forces of Ohio. Each trial will challenge a different aspect of your power."
Flatwoods Monster, its metallic voice like nails on a chalkboard, added, "Your meme powers will be of little use. The cryptid gods care not for memes."
My heart sank. Of course, they didn't care about memes. This was Ohio, where nothing made sense. But if my meme powers were useless, what did I have left?
Bigfoot clapped me on the shoulder, nearly knocking me over with the force of it. "Chill, man. You've got this. Just remember to vibe with the energy. Ohio's weird, but it's not unbeatable. You've got the Overlord title for a reason."
I gave him a sideways glance. "I'm not sure 'vibing' is going to cut it this time."
Bigfoot just grinned. "Trust me, dude. You'd be surprised how far vibing can take you."
Before I could ask any more questions, Mothman stepped forward, raising one of his massive wings. "The first trial will begin now."
"Wait, now?" I barely had time to process that when the ground beneath me began to shift. The cornfield rippled like the surface of a pond, and suddenly, I was falling, falling into darkness.
I hit the ground hard, the impact knocking the wind out of me. When I finally caught my breath and opened my eyes, I realized I wasn't in the cornfield anymore. I was in a massive, dark forest, the trees towering above me like ancient sentinels. The air was thick with fog, and strange noises echoed through the underbrush, low growls, rustling leaves, and the distant sound of something huge moving through the forest.
"What… where am I?" I muttered, slowly getting to my feet.
Bigfoot's voice echoed through the trees, even though he was nowhere to be seen. "Welcome to the Forest of Forgotten Cryptids, bro. This is your first trial: survive."
I spun around, trying to get my bearings. "Survive what, exactly?"
But I already knew the answer.
From the shadows of the forest, the first cryptid emerged. It was huge, taller than Bigfoot, with glowing yellow eyes and massive claws that scraped the ground as it moved. Its fur was matted and dark, blending into the trees like it was part of the forest itself.
It was the Beast of Bray Road.
I swallowed hard. "Okay. Cool. I can deal with this."
The Beast let out a low growl, its eyes locked on me. I didn't have time to think, I grabbed my phone, instinctively scrolling through TikTok for a meme power that might help. But Bigfoot's words echoed in my mind: Your meme powers will be of little use.
I hesitated, my thumb hovering over the app. Could I really survive this without my memes? I didn't have a choice.
The Beast charged, its claws tearing through the dirt as it barreled toward me. I dove out of the way just in time, rolling through the underbrush and scrambling to my feet. My heart was pounding in my chest, adrenaline surging through my veins. If I couldn't use memes, I had to rely on something else, something primal.
I glanced around the forest, searching for anything I could use to my advantage. The trees were thick, the branches heavy with fog, but then I spotted it, a low-hanging vine just a few feet away.
The Beast of Bray Road snarled, turning toward me with those glowing eyes. I had seconds to act. With a burst of energy, I sprinted toward the vine, grabbing hold and yanking it as hard as I could. The vine snapped free, and I swung it in front of me like a makeshift whip.
The Beast lunged again, but this time, I was ready. I swung the vine with all my strength, the end snapping against the Beast's snout with a loud crack. The Beast recoiled, growling in pain as it shook its head.
It worked. The Beast backed off, but only for a moment. It wasn't going to give up that easily.
"You want more?" I muttered, my grip tightening on the vine. "Come get it."
The Beast growled, its eyes narrowing as it prepared for another attack. But before it could charge, the ground beneath us shook again. This time, it wasn't just the forest shifting, it was something beneath the forest.
A deep, rumbling growl echoed from the earth, and the Beast of Bray Road stopped in its tracks, its ears perking up in alarm. Whatever was coming was bigger, stronger, and far more dangerous.
I had a sinking feeling that this was part of the trial, too.
From the ground beneath me, a massive shape began to rise. The earth trembled as it took form, a towering figure made of stone and roots, its body glowing with an eerie green light. It was some kind of ancient cryptid, something I had never seen before. Its eyes glowed with an otherworldly power, and as it stood before me, I realized just how small I was compared to the forces I was up against.
The Beast of Bray Road let out a whimper and bolted back into the forest, leaving me alone with the stone creature.
Great. I wasn't even halfway through the first trial, and I was already facing off against an earthbound cryptid god.
"Bigfoot," I muttered under my breath, "you better be right about vibing."