Where was I? Ah, right—about to get smashed by a cyclops, just like the rest of the unfortunate souls stuck here with me. I'm not crazy—any normal person would be hiding behind these giant pillars, just like I am. The problem is…
— "Right here, Cyclops! They're hiding behind the columns!" yells a spectator, desperate for some action.
Not so stupid, the cyclops charges forward as instructed. An unlucky fighter gets caught off guard.
— "Yummy human!" drools the cyclops.
— "Put me down, you disgusting monster!" the man screams, struggling to free himself from the creature's grip.
Unfortunately, the cyclops' large, round eye narrows in anger at the insult.
— "Cyclops not stupid! Cyclops has big brain! You, tiny brain!"
Without hesitation, the beast opens its massive mouth and swallows him whole. A chill runs down my spine. If I get caught, I'm sure I'll end up just like that poor guy.
One by one, the cyclops feasts on its helpless victims. How is anyone supposed to make a dent in this thing's tough skin? That's it—I've got to be the unluckiest time traveler in history.
I need a plan. Compared to other monsters, the cyclops does seem... lacking in the brains department. But if I piss it off, it might just retaliate, and I'll end up like the others.
— "It's your turn, tiny hu—"
— "O mighty Cyclops, this lowly human recognizes the magnificence of your divine presence!" I shout, dropping to my knees. Hopefully, this works.
The giant hand that was reaching for me stops mid-air. I look up to see the cyclops... blushing?
— "Aren't you the strongest here? No one could ever oppose you, master."
You might think I'm a coward, and you'd be right. But I'd rather be a coward than dead. If I can buy enough time, maybe I'll survive.
The cyclops' terrifying mouth curls into a malicious grin, the smell of fresh flesh wafting from between its jagged teeth.
— "Tiny human thinks Cyclops stupid? Come here for a second."
Damn it, it saw right through my plan. How many others tried this before me? And does this mean I'm dumber than a cyclops? No time to think! I dash between its massive legs, trying to slide like they do in the movies—but my foot slips on the dusty ground, and I twist my ankle.
Take note, kids: real life isn't like the movies.
— "Come here, little sheep."
— "In the name of Leonidas, King of the Spartans, I shall fend off this beast!" booms a voice.
Whoa, who talks like that? Wait… Leonidas? I turn around and see a muscular man, wearing just enough leather to cover the essentials, holding a lance in one hand and a shield in the other. This guy is no joke.
— "Stupid humans, one after another. Now Polyphemus is angry!"
The cyclops grabs a pillar, hoisting it like it's a mere stick. It starts spinning the pillar, faster and faster. We're doomed. This is the end.
— "By my spear, take this!" Leonidas shouts, and suddenly, an orange aura surrounds him. Is this turning into an anime?
His muscles bulge as if they're about to burst, and in one swift motion, he hurls the spear. It pierces the cyclops' arm.
— "Ugyaaaah! It hurts! Mamma, it hurts so much!"
The cyclops' arm crashes to the ground with a thud that shakes the entire arena. I nearly lose my balance. That… was incredible! I take back everything—I was wrong to doubt him. Leonidas isn't ridiculous—he's epic!
— "We humans will never give up! No matter what it takes, we will rise again!" Leonidas shouts, raising his fist triumphantly.
The audience, however, isn't impressed. They boo him and throw trash into the arena.
— "You'll pay for this, human." The cyclops gets back up and raises its remaining arm like a club.
— "Hmmm, it's still got some fight left in it. Kid, it's your turn now. I threw my lance, so I've got nothing left. Humanity is counting on you."
Wait… kid? Is he talking to me? There must be another kid around here somewhere… right? I look around, but we're the only two left standing. Wait a minute… he means me!
— "Here, take my sword."
The arena falls silent. He stares at me with a serious expression.
— "Finish it. I insist. Such a feat is well deserved for a young hero like you."
Hero? Me? I don't look anything like a hero! Sure, that's what I'm thinking, but I'm too scared to say it out loud.
— "Bwahahaha! Humans have lost their minds! I'll eat you last, Leconipas."
— "It's Leonidas, the greatest hero of Sparta!" I yell, pointing my sword at the cyclops in what I hope isn't too embarrassing a pose.
What am I doing? There's no way I can take down this monster—it's ten times my size!
— "Me see now. You tried to trick Cyclops before. You heroes are getting desperate. All right, human, I'll be your opponent."
The cyclops mimics my stance. The wind blows through the arena as everything falls eerily quiet. Are we in a western now?
I'm sweating so much the sword is slipping in my hand. My body is shaking like I'm about to faint.
— "Haha, human is scared! Look at him shake!" laughs the cyclops.
— "He's not scared. He's preparing to deliver your death blow," Leonidas says, grinning.
I'm not preparing anything! Not even 10 hours ago, I was playing War of Duty!
— "Here I come, human!" The cyclops charges at me, but then it trips on a piece of rubble it smashed earlier. Its enormous body hurtles toward me.
I don't have time to dodge. I'm done for. It must weigh as much as four elephants. In a last, desperate move, I thrust the sword upward.
— "Yaaaaaa!" I scream, more out of fear than anything else.
A giant cloud of dust rises as the cyclops crashes into the ground. Leonidas shields his face from the debris.
— "Kid! Are you all right?" Leonidas rushes over to the lifeless body of the cyclops.
— "Ugh, it's disgusting. I'm never doing that again." I crawl out of the cyclops' pierced eye, covered in slime.
— "You're alive! I knew you were hiding your true strength. You're a real genius, kid!" Leonidas pats me on the shoulder.
I didn't do anything—the cyclops impaled itself on my sword! The blade went right through its eye and saved me from being crushed.
— "The… the humans won the fight?" a voice calls out over the arena's speakers.
The audience is dead silent. No one dares to speak—this has never happened before. What could happen now?
— "Guards, seize the humans!" orders a voice from above.
— "Don't worry, boy," Leonidas says, smiling. "It's not over yet. Trojan Horse 3000, come out now!"
A buzzing sound makes the ground tremble, halting the guards. A few seconds later, a giant wooden horse with wings descends from the sky.
The wind from the horse is so strong that I would've been blown away if Leonidas weren't holding me.
— "Master, we're here just as you instructed!" calls a voice from the horse.
— "Now's not the time—open the door and let us in!"
I was impressed until I saw the door open… from the horse's backside. Of course.
— "Who's this kid, Your Highness?" asks a soldier in shining armor as he reaches for us.
— "This kid here… He's a hero. He will save humanity. The gods have heard our prayers," Leonidas says.
Stop calling me a kid! And wait—I'm here because some muscly guy prayed to the gods? Let me out of this!
As I scream internally, I'm dragged inside the wooden horse. It lifts into the sky, and Leonidas is still holding me. Great, I feel like a damsel in distress.