After deep reflection, Lucian flipped to the next page and decided to continue reading.
"Today's training was just like every other day a constant struggle for the same disappointing results. As usual, Yasolt encouraged me, but it's all the same. As a friend, I should be grateful for his support, yet all I feel is envy. He excels at everything, whether it's magic or swordsmanship. Even when we first met, his constant smiling made me uncomfortable. I came here only to grow stronger, but day by day, it's becoming clearer that magic isn't something I can master.
Though I've always struggled with magic, everyone knows it's the most powerful force in the world. Entire kingdoms and empires have been built by its power. I chose to learn magic to gain both strength and status, but how long can I cling to this dream? How long can I keep hoping for something that might never come? Perhaps it's time to find a different path, one that might actually lead me to my true destination." With this, the second page of the diary ended.
Lucian paused. "So, this is a personal diary, but whose is it? It can't be Gideon's... so whose is it?" He frowned, staring at the unfamiliar handwriting.
"But I think I know why Gideon gave me this diary," Lucian muttered to himself. "He must have seen the similarities between me and the person who wrote it. But as I read on, the owner of this diary seems to be losing hope in magic entirely. Maybe that's what Gideon wants me to see. I should keep reading."
He turned the page and continued.
"I'm leaving today. Someday, I might look back and regret this decision, but right now, I'm afraid everything I've done will be for nothing. Despite losing hope in magic, the one thing that has carried me through life is my sword. Last night, I went out to clear my mind. As I sat in the grass, the cold air was the only thing that calmed me. But then, I heard that same irritating voice Yasolt. He found me in the one place I could be at peace. He sat next to me and, like always, started talking. He asked what I was doing there, what I was thinking, and how my training was going. I wanted to punch him, but I took a deep breath instead. That caught his attention, and he asked, 'What's wrong?'
I told him I was leaving tomorrow. Even though I hate his constant, creepy smile and cheerful attitude, I couldn't deny that he's one of the few friends I can speak to openly. When he heard I was leaving, he went quiet and simply asked, 'Why?' That one word made me feel like I owed him an explanation. So, I told him, I'm tired of trying and failing. I want to find a new path."
Lucian stopped reading, the words echoing in his mind, reminding him of Gideon's advice.
"Oh, so that's where Gideon got his idea about finding your own path. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said I'd figure it out for myself. Friends, huh? How many friends do I really have here? I play with the kids in the village, sure, but they're just that 'kids'. Amara... she's more like a big sister than a friend. I don't even have a best friend here. Most of the people older than me have left the village to study."
He drifted into deep thought but quickly snapped out of it, recalling his past life Keiji, his only best friend.
"I wonder if Keiji made it out... No, no, no, what am I thinking? Of course he did," Lucian reassured himself, though doubt lingered. He could only hope that Keiji had survived.
"I died saving my friend, but I don't regret it. Maybe it's because I've been given a second chance that I don't feel any bitterness. Would I have felt anger, resentment, if I hadn't been reborn?"
Lucian pondered, staring at the ceiling, lost in the quiet of the room. The only sounds came from the distant hum of insects outside. His mind raced, trying to justify the thoughts he'd had about Keiji. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the truth. He wasn't a perfect friend. He knew that. The only person who would accept his flaws and still call him a friend was Keiji.
"Instead of worrying about what could have been, I need to live the life I was meant to live. Keiji would tell me to stop overthinking and just enjoy this second chance." Lucian smiled to himself, feeling lighter. For the first time, the weight of his past seemed to lift, even if fragments of it still lingered in his mind. He had found clarity.