Today I was free again, I finally got a decent amount of sleep. I believe it was seven hours of sleep.
I had rice for breakfast though…
Anyways my stomach kind of hurt this afternoon. I wonder why?
I wish I had more free time like this, I rarely ever do. It was kind of weird today even with my free moments. Like I saw fragments of memories I don't know about.
After getting into a car crash right before college I lost my memories, I do get little parts but that was a while ago. Most of the memories I know are of my family. Well, the memories I lost are also ones about my family, so I guess it is good they are coming back.
After the crash I didn't know anyone which cause a bit of a problem. I didn't know I had a lover, so we fell off after they found out about it.
Although I only remember only the happy bits of memories I enjoy them, they were sweet. Many of them were of my parents treating me with care and kindness, I am starting to miss them.
My doctor told me after telling him that some of my memories are coming back and they were about my parents, they had died a year before the car accident so it would take a bit before regaining all of my memories.
I believe the memories I had seen were of my lover today. He had black hair and pale-like skin, we went on trips and everything. I wonder if I had not lost my memories would we still be together?
I saw the glimpses of us making out, that startled me while I was in the kitchen of my house. It is a good thing I don't have a roommate; I would have scared the life out of them if they heard my loud scream.
Well, that isn't the only thing that happened today, my house is really weird, I might believe it may be cursed or haunted. Today I only stayed in my new house but the lights I thought were turned off were sometimes turned on when I check them. I got scared some of those times and just went to my room and watch any anime series I come upon.
So, the time pasted and nothing else happened. During this I believe the voice was quieter than normal, that also confused me today.
Why was it quieter?
Well, the thoughts usually become louder at night so I am sure he will be back around 11 or 12 tonight.
Well, right now is around 9 pm so I still got some free time doing nothing but relaxing while eating some food, I might try some new dishes.
—————
10 pm
The new dish I made was delicious, I didn't know I was this good of a cook. While I was in the kitchen it seems as though I am always in stock of meat, weird thing is I never go out to grab food it seems to be that it restocks itself. I am a bit weirded out by this, maybe I should try going out tomorrow with my friends so I can get some time out of the house.
I think the thoughts are earlier than usual today, usually it is later, but they are back. It started thinking of being a cannibal. Hm, I don't believe the thoughts are what I think of, sometimes it feels like a completely different person.
It keeps telling me things saying that he is the real me and I am just an innocent version of him that was released due to the car crash that cause him amnesia. I am starting to feel concerned about this.
Am I losing my mind? Another version of myself? I think I am slowly losing it, first the thought maybe the food is restocking now I am not myself.
Maybe I should just make this guy a separate person, it would be easier to tell which thoughts are mine and which are his.
I wonder what do I call him? I can always call him some dumb name, how about bob?
After I thought that I thought of another name. I think it was Sik, I guess he will be called Sik for now.
Anyways Sik keeps talking about how my parents were assholes. I don't know where he got that, but I love my parents even if they are dead, it seems that they love me according to my memories.
These thoughts are weird. Does Sik only think about homicide? seriously he needs a new hobby. Today he said "oh, what about just torture? It isn't as bad as the other one."
I answered him with "what kind?"
"Hm let me see, skinning them and casually force them to eat their own skin. Sounds fun?"
There is no way I just thought that. Seriously Sik needs a better hobby. Maybe think about drawing or something, actually maybe don't last time it was making a human on the street into a doll in a forest. I am not curious enough to figure out what other stuff.
"I should treat the person like a dog!"
That is what Sik told me. Not a good start to be honest. If only these thoughts would just leave me alone.
—————
11 pm
It's been an hour since the constant flood of Sik's thoughts, I want to sleep. I am so tired of it, it goes from "Oh, I think keeping a hand again this time is a good idea. I might want to use it as a model for a sculpture or something, maybe using it as a back rubber." To "I want to see the bodies go pale from the lack of oxygen, while I feel the heart stop within them and the blood making a mess on the white floor in the basement. I want to smell the iron scent of blood and the mixture of the rain that makes it way much more potent. It is such a beautiful sight."
I want these thoughts to disappear, I am getting more afraid and the feeling of Sikk is started to sink into me and making me curious. I think I might need therapy.